Before I share my blog I need a release: a free write…
I am so angry today…
Why can’t I shake you?
Why are you lingering?
Why don’t you just leave?
I LOVE BEING ALONE
I am angry with me…
For allowing you to invade MY - - SPACE…
Although time has passed…
I am no longer the same…
Like the child who has been robbed of their innocence…
Mine was taken from me…
I now see the world differently…
LOVE
That how I combat this…
This feeling…
This INVASION
Love myself through ALL MY PAIN…
I keep getting sucked back into this web…
I don’t want it in my life…
I don’t want poison…
My veins are FULL…
I release IT… I SURRENDER it all~
End of freewrite…
REFLECTION~
I have come a long way from my PEACEFUL space… that person I once was… I seem to be FAR from my “peace & love” writings of 2008.
I just looked at a few of my past blogs and find myself REFLECTING… analyzing where I’ve been… questioning:
Where am I headed?
WHAT IS IT THAT I AM DOING?
What’s it ALL FOR?
What I found to be important to me in 2008 and what I was on the constant search for was ALWAYS:
Truth
Trust
Faith
Love
Inner circle
Community
Bonds
LOVE
True friendships with women… (Fab, Joe, V, Ely, Emma, Court, Laleet, Kelly… just to name a few…)
VOICE… finding MY VOICE
I noticed today that I have I have lost myself somewhere on the journey…
I stopped my PRACTICE…
My meditations…
My prayers… I stopped feeding myself with all the positive and beautiful images that I used to surround myself with… this journey has transformed me… the harsh realities of the world has impacted me leaving an IMPRINT on my heart, mind and soul.
The things I found in 2008 still mean a lot to me… but I’ve changed in 2009 - - my search now is all about:
JUSTICE
EQUALITY
IN EQUALITY
IN JUSTICE
RIGHTS
HUMAN RIGHTS
WOMENS RIGHTS
CHILDRENS RIGHTS
EDUCATION
POVERTY
PROSTITUTION
HUMAN TRAFFICKING
SEXUAL TOURISM
SEXISM
RACISM
DISCRIMINATION
Which in most of the places I have been have NOT reaped positive benefits for those who are faced dealing with those issues…
I am more concerned now with helping communities… building communities… building a team of people who want to help communities…
Part of me misses the days where I meditated for the answers, but I realize today that I MAY NOT always have that extra two hours when I am traveling in the 3rd world...that I may JUST HAVE to sacrifice and stop mid prayer to fight for those who need my help… I may need to stop talking about what I need God to help me with and just get RIGHT TO the business of helping others… I must do what I was sent to do…
I am thinking about the woman I am - - and who I am becoming~
What are you thinking about?
Peace~
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
RUNNING out of time~
The last time she felt this way was September 11, 2001.
When her world was changed in seconds…
That was a moment of enlightenment for her… fuck that - - that was a “bitch—wake the fuck up—slap into reality kind of awakening”.
It was the moment that would forever transform her.
It was the moment that shaped her…
It was the moment she watched two towers crumble around the city that never sleeps…
The city that “IF YOU CAN’T make it here!”
YOU CANT make it anywhere…
Today she’s thinking about greatness~
How there are some who see their greatness through… and they live long enough to see their greatness… to share their greatness… to not be robbed of their greatness… to LIVE THEIR lives with GREATNESS…
Then there are others who are on the brink of their greatness - - and ONE moment changes their lives… MERE SECONDS… a moment that can change their lives FOREVER and then there are those who are born for GREATNESS and NEVER SEE IT…
- Heath Ledger
- Ritchie Valens
- Anne Frank
- John Lennon
- Kevin Belden
- Luis Diaz Sr.
- Selena
- Princess Diana
- Versace
- Sid Vicious
- Aaliyah
- River Phoenix
- Notorious B.I.G.
- Tupac Shakur
- Kurt Cobain
- Jimi Hendrix
- Janis Joplin
- Jim Morrison
- Brandon Lee
- Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes
- Bruce Lee
- Jesus
- John Belushi
- Eva Peron
- Bob Marley
- Marilyn Monroe
- Jam Master Jay
- Martin Luther King
- Malcolm X
Have you ever felt like you’re RUNNING out of time?
Like there is so much left to do and you’ve barely just started?
Barely started living… when something happens to change your life in seconds… something enters your life and takes it from you… something takes your life…
Have you ever been scared to leave your house because you’re worried about when THAT moment that you’re living in… that it could very well be your last?
Cowards… those who take greatness away from another…
These COWARDS are the people afraid of THEIR GREATNESS…
Afraid to stand up - alone!
Afraid to do it on their OWN!
Afraid to see it through!
Afraid to leave!
Afraid to love!
Afraid to grow!
Afraid to let others live, love and grow!
Those moments that come and end a life unexpectedly~
Not looking their victim in the eye…
Shooting them in the back of the head…
People who never saw it coming when they allowed THAT moment to consume them - - that thing they believe they have under control… that moment they USE to EASE the pain…
TODAY SHE IS FURIOUS…
Angry at the people who take happiness away from others…
Angry at the people who wish harm on others…
Angry that she feels that she needs to run…
Peace~
When her world was changed in seconds…
That was a moment of enlightenment for her… fuck that - - that was a “bitch—wake the fuck up—slap into reality kind of awakening”.
It was the moment that would forever transform her.
It was the moment that shaped her…
It was the moment she watched two towers crumble around the city that never sleeps…
The city that “IF YOU CAN’T make it here!”
YOU CANT make it anywhere…
Today she’s thinking about greatness~
How there are some who see their greatness through… and they live long enough to see their greatness… to share their greatness… to not be robbed of their greatness… to LIVE THEIR lives with GREATNESS…
Then there are others who are on the brink of their greatness - - and ONE moment changes their lives… MERE SECONDS… a moment that can change their lives FOREVER and then there are those who are born for GREATNESS and NEVER SEE IT…
- Heath Ledger
- Ritchie Valens
- Anne Frank
- John Lennon
- Kevin Belden
- Luis Diaz Sr.
- Selena
- Princess Diana
- Versace
- Sid Vicious
- Aaliyah
- River Phoenix
- Notorious B.I.G.
- Tupac Shakur
- Kurt Cobain
- Jimi Hendrix
- Janis Joplin
- Jim Morrison
- Brandon Lee
- Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes
- Bruce Lee
- Jesus
- John Belushi
- Eva Peron
- Bob Marley
- Marilyn Monroe
- Jam Master Jay
- Martin Luther King
- Malcolm X
Have you ever felt like you’re RUNNING out of time?
Like there is so much left to do and you’ve barely just started?
Barely started living… when something happens to change your life in seconds… something enters your life and takes it from you… something takes your life…
Have you ever been scared to leave your house because you’re worried about when THAT moment that you’re living in… that it could very well be your last?
Cowards… those who take greatness away from another…
These COWARDS are the people afraid of THEIR GREATNESS…
Afraid to stand up - alone!
Afraid to do it on their OWN!
Afraid to see it through!
Afraid to leave!
Afraid to love!
Afraid to grow!
Afraid to let others live, love and grow!
Those moments that come and end a life unexpectedly~
Not looking their victim in the eye…
Shooting them in the back of the head…
People who never saw it coming when they allowed THAT moment to consume them - - that thing they believe they have under control… that moment they USE to EASE the pain…
TODAY SHE IS FURIOUS…
Angry at the people who take happiness away from others…
Angry at the people who wish harm on others…
Angry that she feels that she needs to run…
Peace~
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
"The Remaking of America"
History will never be the same…
During a conversation I was having with my DC host Lucero (shout out girl ☺ thank you again for welcoming us into your home)… she looked at my daughter and talked about the ways my daughter has been shaped by the politics of the Bush government over the past 8 years… and it got me thinking… about “The Remaking of America”
I watched along with 2 million of my closest friends - - standing in the mall of DC, with freezing temperatures as Barack Obama became our president…
I watched as the senate took their seats, members of congress, governors, past president’s… high profile politicians… CELEBRITIES… (I’m not EVEN going to touch that)… I watched our SECRETARY OF STATE Hillary Clinton and her husband Bill ☺ as they took their seats, continued watching as the little first ladies (the Obama girls) and their mom, First Lady, Michelle Obama ☺ took their seats…
we waited and waited… and waited… and waited some more…for the precession of cars - - for HIS car to arrive… to see him enter… to catch a glimpse of what HE looked like right before taking center stage… and finally HE does arrive… and I noticed something…
He is NOT the man he once was…
He is NOT the man from before…
His transformation was incredibly visible…
There was a moment… when he was walking through the halls of the state capital and down the stairs to where he would be exiting to greet us - - but what I noticed was while he was on the stairs – I caught him close his eyes (almost as if for a silent prayer) and in that moment I froze… I had to breathe because that moment was powerful – I could feel it… this was no longer the man that caught my attention during the democratic convention keynote address from years ago… the speech that he gave during the Kerry campaign… where I was hooked by his words… that moment where HE changed the way I saw politicians. This was the man I would believe in instantly. He impressed me so much that I wanted to meet him… I wanted to interview him… and I did meet him…
When my daughter and I met him in 2006 his hair was a little darker… his face a little brighter… filled with youth and energy~ the man I saw yesterday has aged… not just that his grays are very noticeable… what I noticed was what time has done to him… I could see added wisdom that only experience, responsibility and hard work have brought him… I could see the price and rewards that come with HOPE~
I have hope that my daughter is going to grow up in the AMERICA my parents dreamt of for themselves, for my siblings and i.)
The man I saw standing on the top of the stairs – as he walked down… sent me a personal message in the silence of his prayers…
He told me the following:
“ALICIA~ you see me standing here? If I can DO THIS… there is nothing you can’t do! “
He went on…
“LOOK AT ME!”
“This moment… This precise moment… as I am walking down these stairs… as I am about to take on the role as the leader of this nation… the most powerful black man… in these United States… with my mom to my right, my grandmother to my left, my father, MLK, Malcolm and our ancestors who are present and blessing this very moment… I - - a man who doesn’t come from a political family with a famous last name…”
“I am you… we are ONE~”
“What I’ve done… What I am about to do… proves that anything is possible…”
“I stand here… thanking GOD for my many blessings… for bringing me to this place… for guiding and protecting me…”
The last thing he said to me was, “ALICIA, YEAH I AM NERVOUS… YES I GET NERVOUS… BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT - - I CAN DO THIS… I AM READY… I WAS BORN TO DO THIS… AND I ACCEPT”
He closed with - - “If I can do this… SO CAN YOU~”
YES WE CAN~
And then he stepped out to greet us ALL… those of us who joined him in DC, along with his family and friends, and with those who watched from their TV’s all across America and all over the world.
THIS MOMENT… isn’t just HISTORY being made…
This isn’t just HIS story…
This is OUR story…
I’ve heard some people say that they weren’t really impressed with his speech… some people wanted him to drive more points… some compared it to presidential speeches of the past… I disagree – I believe that he’s just READY to start working… F all the BS… he’s ready to do THIS… yes he has spoken more eloquently in so many other speeches… but seriously… he’s ready… and so are we… he has already laid out a plan - - he’s already made his points clear… and he delivered very CLEAR messages yesterday…
Here are just some of ALICIA’s favorite quotes from President Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address:
“In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.
It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.
Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died… “
“This is the journey we continue today…”
“Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.”
“All this we can do. All this we will do.”
“Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.”
“But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.”
“And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.”
“They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.”
“To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.”
“To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society's ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.”
“And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.”
“It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.
It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.”
“Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old.
These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.”
“What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. “
HE IS A TESTAMENT TO THIS… I DON’T THINK HE PLANNED TO BEPRESIDENT… BUT IT WAS ALWAYS PART OF THE PLAN…
“This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.”
“At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
“"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."”
COME FORTH TO MEET IT…
Like I said to my new friend Lucero… I am no longer concerned with how the past 8 years might have molded my daughter… those 8 years are GONE… and I AM FILLED WITH HOPE~ I believe that the next 8 years are going to be the best years of her life… I believe she will live in an America that will become all we’ve wished for…
I believe that the future for my daughter is bright and will NOW be shaped under a politics based on HOPE…
Based on the AUDACITY OF HOPE…
Based on following her dreams…FOLLOWING THROUGH with unwavering faith…
Based on her strength… and perseverance…
Based on spiritual beliefs and universal law…
Based on truth…
Based on love…
That’s my hope~
Peace~
During a conversation I was having with my DC host Lucero (shout out girl ☺ thank you again for welcoming us into your home)… she looked at my daughter and talked about the ways my daughter has been shaped by the politics of the Bush government over the past 8 years… and it got me thinking… about “The Remaking of America”
I watched along with 2 million of my closest friends - - standing in the mall of DC, with freezing temperatures as Barack Obama became our president…
I watched as the senate took their seats, members of congress, governors, past president’s… high profile politicians… CELEBRITIES… (I’m not EVEN going to touch that)… I watched our SECRETARY OF STATE Hillary Clinton and her husband Bill ☺ as they took their seats, continued watching as the little first ladies (the Obama girls) and their mom, First Lady, Michelle Obama ☺ took their seats…
we waited and waited… and waited… and waited some more…for the precession of cars - - for HIS car to arrive… to see him enter… to catch a glimpse of what HE looked like right before taking center stage… and finally HE does arrive… and I noticed something…
He is NOT the man he once was…
He is NOT the man from before…
His transformation was incredibly visible…
There was a moment… when he was walking through the halls of the state capital and down the stairs to where he would be exiting to greet us - - but what I noticed was while he was on the stairs – I caught him close his eyes (almost as if for a silent prayer) and in that moment I froze… I had to breathe because that moment was powerful – I could feel it… this was no longer the man that caught my attention during the democratic convention keynote address from years ago… the speech that he gave during the Kerry campaign… where I was hooked by his words… that moment where HE changed the way I saw politicians. This was the man I would believe in instantly. He impressed me so much that I wanted to meet him… I wanted to interview him… and I did meet him…
When my daughter and I met him in 2006 his hair was a little darker… his face a little brighter… filled with youth and energy~ the man I saw yesterday has aged… not just that his grays are very noticeable… what I noticed was what time has done to him… I could see added wisdom that only experience, responsibility and hard work have brought him… I could see the price and rewards that come with HOPE~
I have hope that my daughter is going to grow up in the AMERICA my parents dreamt of for themselves, for my siblings and i.)
The man I saw standing on the top of the stairs – as he walked down… sent me a personal message in the silence of his prayers…
He told me the following:
“ALICIA~ you see me standing here? If I can DO THIS… there is nothing you can’t do! “
He went on…
“LOOK AT ME!”
“This moment… This precise moment… as I am walking down these stairs… as I am about to take on the role as the leader of this nation… the most powerful black man… in these United States… with my mom to my right, my grandmother to my left, my father, MLK, Malcolm and our ancestors who are present and blessing this very moment… I - - a man who doesn’t come from a political family with a famous last name…”
“I am you… we are ONE~”
“What I’ve done… What I am about to do… proves that anything is possible…”
“I stand here… thanking GOD for my many blessings… for bringing me to this place… for guiding and protecting me…”
The last thing he said to me was, “ALICIA, YEAH I AM NERVOUS… YES I GET NERVOUS… BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT - - I CAN DO THIS… I AM READY… I WAS BORN TO DO THIS… AND I ACCEPT”
He closed with - - “If I can do this… SO CAN YOU~”
YES WE CAN~
And then he stepped out to greet us ALL… those of us who joined him in DC, along with his family and friends, and with those who watched from their TV’s all across America and all over the world.
THIS MOMENT… isn’t just HISTORY being made…
This isn’t just HIS story…
This is OUR story…
I’ve heard some people say that they weren’t really impressed with his speech… some people wanted him to drive more points… some compared it to presidential speeches of the past… I disagree – I believe that he’s just READY to start working… F all the BS… he’s ready to do THIS… yes he has spoken more eloquently in so many other speeches… but seriously… he’s ready… and so are we… he has already laid out a plan - - he’s already made his points clear… and he delivered very CLEAR messages yesterday…
Here are just some of ALICIA’s favorite quotes from President Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address:
“In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.
It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.
Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.
For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.
For us, they fought and died… “
“This is the journey we continue today…”
“Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.”
“All this we can do. All this we will do.”
“Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.
What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.”
“But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.”
“And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.”
“They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.”
“To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.”
“To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society's ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.”
“And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.”
“It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.
It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.”
“Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old.
These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.”
“What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.
This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. “
HE IS A TESTAMENT TO THIS… I DON’T THINK HE PLANNED TO BEPRESIDENT… BUT IT WAS ALWAYS PART OF THE PLAN…
“This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.”
“At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
“"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."”
COME FORTH TO MEET IT…
Like I said to my new friend Lucero… I am no longer concerned with how the past 8 years might have molded my daughter… those 8 years are GONE… and I AM FILLED WITH HOPE~ I believe that the next 8 years are going to be the best years of her life… I believe she will live in an America that will become all we’ve wished for…
I believe that the future for my daughter is bright and will NOW be shaped under a politics based on HOPE…
Based on the AUDACITY OF HOPE…
Based on following her dreams…FOLLOWING THROUGH with unwavering faith…
Based on her strength… and perseverance…
Based on spiritual beliefs and universal law…
Based on truth…
Based on love…
That’s my hope~
Peace~
Friday, December 12, 2008
You want my life? SERIOUSLY~
You want my life? SERIOUSLY~
You THINK the grass is greener - - but you have NO idea~
I envy you~
I wish I had your life~
You're sooooo lucky~
Do they know what really makes me cry?
Do they know what scares me at night?
Do they know what it took to get here?
Do they know what it takes to stay here?
Do they know THE COST~ because everything has a price?
So you want my life?
What's so great about my life that makes you want it?
What do I have that you DON'T?
I've heard over the last few months many people say to me that they wish they had the adventure - - you want the adventure but not the work it takes to get it…
Yeah… people want the perks - - the good shit - - without working their asses for it… NOTHING COMES EASY… everything has a price… and I am NO DIFFERENT… I am constantly having to pay…
But do they know how I attained… every fucking thing that I have? Y ESO - - I've only just begun to reach everything that is coming to me…
Do they have ANY IDEA what the sacrifices are and have been - - that I have had to make and will continue to make to keep ALL that I have?
Do they know the work it took to live this adventure?
Do they think that it just fell in my lap?
Do they know how sick I was right before I went on this wonderful adventure? How I couldn't get out of bed for a week - - where I couldn't get up from my bed from terrible back pain, nausea and diarrhea… FEARING that LEAVING my DAUGHTER was the worst decision and might have irreparable damage in my relationship with MY daughter…
How could they possibly know that?
The decision to leave her to go work on a documentary was not without incredible pain - - not to mention what SHE my beautiful daughter has had to endure over the past 5 months – without her mother around…. While I am OUT having "an adventure?"
Do they know that I was hospitalized while on "this adventure" that on my return from Haiti I had a fever, parasites, infections in my uterus and liver??? Ill for three weeks straight - - and still managed to keep moving… to keep interviewing… to keep investigating for this doc I am working on…
How could they know?
BELIEVE ME… this blog is not a rant… this is not about anger… this is just to catch you guys up… and also to shed some light on how wonderful my life is… according to what outsiders may believe about this women's perfect life - - this is about the green grass in my yard – the grass under the rainbow that is my life - - the grass with the dead weeds that I have to pull out on a regular.
I am far from perfect~ It has not been easy - - even though it may seem that way… this shit ain't easy… its not supposed to be… this DIOSA falls and gets scraped and bleeds every now and again…
So you say… MAN I WOULD JUMP at the opportunity to travel - - you would die for this opportunity… that it's YOUR dream…
WOULD YOU JUMP?
REALLY….
Would you realllllllllllllly just JUMP???
And if you would just jump…
Why are you still standing on the ledge? Watching… waiting… is it for someone to just come along and push you off the ledge…
The grass isn't always greener… believe me…
One of my good friends said to me last night… "But you only share the good that goes on in your life how are we supposed to know what you're going through"
Yes my friends… even though I faced possible eviction from my apartment last week – for reasons that are ridiculously fucked up… an experience that cut my little adventure short so I could come home and handle my HANDLE - - I am still standing ready to jump off the ledge… because yes I LOVE MY LIFE… yes I know I am blessed… and it's a great life that I have… a life that I LIVE and WALK everyday KNOWING that ALL my choices are what bring the results that I am currently experiencing…
You still want my life?
Peace~
You THINK the grass is greener - - but you have NO idea~
I envy you~
I wish I had your life~
You're sooooo lucky~
Do they know what really makes me cry?
Do they know what scares me at night?
Do they know what it took to get here?
Do they know what it takes to stay here?
Do they know THE COST~ because everything has a price?
So you want my life?
What's so great about my life that makes you want it?
What do I have that you DON'T?
I've heard over the last few months many people say to me that they wish they had the adventure - - you want the adventure but not the work it takes to get it…
Yeah… people want the perks - - the good shit - - without working their asses for it… NOTHING COMES EASY… everything has a price… and I am NO DIFFERENT… I am constantly having to pay…
But do they know how I attained… every fucking thing that I have? Y ESO - - I've only just begun to reach everything that is coming to me…
Do they have ANY IDEA what the sacrifices are and have been - - that I have had to make and will continue to make to keep ALL that I have?
Do they know the work it took to live this adventure?
Do they think that it just fell in my lap?
Do they know how sick I was right before I went on this wonderful adventure? How I couldn't get out of bed for a week - - where I couldn't get up from my bed from terrible back pain, nausea and diarrhea… FEARING that LEAVING my DAUGHTER was the worst decision and might have irreparable damage in my relationship with MY daughter…
How could they possibly know that?
The decision to leave her to go work on a documentary was not without incredible pain - - not to mention what SHE my beautiful daughter has had to endure over the past 5 months – without her mother around…. While I am OUT having "an adventure?"
Do they know that I was hospitalized while on "this adventure" that on my return from Haiti I had a fever, parasites, infections in my uterus and liver??? Ill for three weeks straight - - and still managed to keep moving… to keep interviewing… to keep investigating for this doc I am working on…
How could they know?
BELIEVE ME… this blog is not a rant… this is not about anger… this is just to catch you guys up… and also to shed some light on how wonderful my life is… according to what outsiders may believe about this women's perfect life - - this is about the green grass in my yard – the grass under the rainbow that is my life - - the grass with the dead weeds that I have to pull out on a regular.
I am far from perfect~ It has not been easy - - even though it may seem that way… this shit ain't easy… its not supposed to be… this DIOSA falls and gets scraped and bleeds every now and again…
So you say… MAN I WOULD JUMP at the opportunity to travel - - you would die for this opportunity… that it's YOUR dream…
WOULD YOU JUMP?
REALLY….
Would you realllllllllllllly just JUMP???
And if you would just jump…
Why are you still standing on the ledge? Watching… waiting… is it for someone to just come along and push you off the ledge…
The grass isn't always greener… believe me…
One of my good friends said to me last night… "But you only share the good that goes on in your life how are we supposed to know what you're going through"
Yes my friends… even though I faced possible eviction from my apartment last week – for reasons that are ridiculously fucked up… an experience that cut my little adventure short so I could come home and handle my HANDLE - - I am still standing ready to jump off the ledge… because yes I LOVE MY LIFE… yes I know I am blessed… and it's a great life that I have… a life that I LIVE and WALK everyday KNOWING that ALL my choices are what bring the results that I am currently experiencing…
You still want my life?
Peace~
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