Meditation 1: Today I am going to take care of me~

For far too long I have been taking care of people. I believed that it was my job to fix people. I have always been here for people. My house, my space, my time, my love has always been wide open to anyone and everyone who needed me. Always wanting to extend a helping hand. I worried about everyone. I wanted to make it ALL better for them. I wanted to take on their pain. I wanted to wipe their tears and make their pain go away.

Today I went to church and cried and cried over the pain I have been carrying, everything that I have been feeling… forced to look at the things I haven’t had the time or energy to face. As I got off the train I was having this internal dialogue about the people in my life. The circles I run with and I said out loud; “I can’t take care of you!”

It’s not my job to take care of you.

It’s not my place to try and make it all better.

That’s YOURS to work through… to grow through… that is your pain to carry and heal from.

I can’t take care of you!

Today it’s all about me. Today I am taking care of me.

I AFFIRM:

Today I walk without guilt or shame!

Today I will look in the mirror and do that internal work that heals me.

Today I am taking care of ME!

I am healing ONE DAY AT A TIME!

And so it is~

Everything happens right on time~

Last month during my reading at Casa Attabex Ache the women who attended the event were asked to write a letter that CASA would then mail to them at a later date. I received this love note in the mail last weekend and only opened it yesterday. I definitely needed to hear these words:

My beautiful Alicia~

I miss you so much~

I LOVE YOU~

Alicia Anabel, on the day of your second reading of Finding Your Force I want you to know how much I love you~ you are healing with every word you write~ with every word you read~ you are healing with every woman you meet~ I love you.

I need you to really know that this work you’re doing right now is bigger than you even know. Your work is important. You have so much value and I am so very proud of you~

Light and love~

That’s what I send you.

But I also send you forgiveness and understanding.

It’s ok to be mad, angry and piss’t off.

Stay in those moments I will love you through it~

I love you Alicia~

I love you!

I love what you bring~

I love that you care~

I love that you are always here~

I love you~

Will you marry me?

Love always,
Alicia Anabel

As I head to my next reading on this book tour “Stanford University” I can’t help but feel everything that I am feeling. Things are rising for me that I haven’t been prepared for. It hasn’t been as easy as writing a book and publishing it. Things are resurfacing that I wasn’t ready to feel. And I am feeling all of it. Healing is constant. Growth and evolution are a natural process and very necessary. So today I am acknowledging that I am feeling some pain… and require healing. Yet I also acknowledge that I have been here before and I know that I will be ok.

With love,
Alicia

TONIGHT~ Book reading, discussion & signing @ Bowdoin College in Maine~

The students of Bowdoin College have invited me to a special event in honor of Hispanic Heritage Month~

Hosted by LASO ~ Latino American Student Organization and the following organizations:

Alliance for Sexual Assault Prevention~
BQSA ~ Bowdoin Queer Straight Alliance~
Women’s Resource Center~
Resource Center for Gender and Sexual Diversity~
Latin American Studies Department~


I am looking very forward to sharing my story but am more excited to meet the students and faculty and hear their stories~ tonight will be a beautiful shared experience~

Peace, light and LOVE~

DENIAL~

when you deny the truth of what is…
denying what’s happening before your eyes…
living where you wish to be rather than where you are
Choosing to believe in hopes that it will be
When it just isn’t~

Meditating on the word denial today~


Few tragedies can be more extensive than the stunting of life, few injustices deeper than the denial of an opportunity to strive or even to hope, by a limit imposed from without, but falsely identified as lying within.
Stephen Jay Gould


It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.
Bill Watterson

Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
C. Northcote Parkinson

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
Ambrose Bierce

The greatest barrier to someone achieving their potential is their denial of it.
Simon Travaglia


Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
Bill Hicks