Meditation 53: Temple of My Soul~ Day 36

A certain nobleman went into a far country, to receive for himself a kingdom, and to return. –Luke 19:12 (This is the opening quote in Paulo Coelho’s, Aleph)

Last night I finished reading Aleph, a wonderfully beautiful book about how one must go in search for their kingdom… searching for the Aleph… in the people, places, and experiences where all the answers lie.

“What am I doing here, trying to make my way in a spiritual tradition whose roots are in the remote past, far from all the challenges of the present moment?” ~ Aleph

“Whenever J. teaches me something new, I think that perhaps this will be the last step required to reach the top of the mountain, the note that justifies a whole symphony, the word that sums up an entire book.” ~ Aleph

While reading I came across the above quotes and what resonated with me is this idea of spiritual practice and rituals and how often I have come to a place where I have felt like I am in a good space and stopped my practice, forgetting all I have learned until the next issue arises that brings on discomfort. And then I start the search again for the Aleph.

“I’m going to tell you what you feel,” J. says. “You feel that nothing you have learned has put down roots, that while you’re capable of entering the magical universe, you cannot remain submerged in it.” ~Aleph

Over the past fifty-three days I have been submerged in it… on this search…on this quest… studying, incorporating, and living. What’s interesting about that last quote is this idea of how all that I have learned in the past has not put down roots. This is what the 40-Day Fast has been for a me. This practice, this ritual, this process has been a way for me to put down roots and incorporate all that I have been learning to daily living—daily being.

“Because by performing apparently absurd rituals, you get in touch with something deep in your soul, in the oldest part of yourself, the part closest to the origin of everything.” ~ Aleph

“Stop repeating the same lesson, because you won’t learn anything new that way.” ~Aleph

The oldest parts of yourself… the part closest to everything… MY SOUL!

Soul~

Journey of the Soul~

Journey into the Soul~

Sharing of Souls~

Giving of our Souls~

We were dancing when I said to her, “Mi cuerpo es un templo! Mi cuerpo yo no se lo doy a cualquiera!” My body is a temple! I do not give my body to just anyone!

She laughed, “Oh si!!! Is that right? Your body is a temple?”

That entire evening she tried to convince me to bring her back to my hotel room and accept a massage. And I did bring her back to my room so that I could show her pictures of my lover and family and because I didn’t want the evening to end.

I was very serious about my body being a temple. Although my ex-girlfriend believed I was sleeping with numerous people during my travels throughout Latin America, I never cheated once. Perhaps in my mind but never with my body.

I decided long ago that I would never give my body to anyone in a way that dishonors who I am. That all intimacy that I would experience I would experience it on the highest and purest of levels. I know for myself that my body is MINE, my Soul is SACRED and that Sex for me is a SPIRTUAL act.

Excerpt: Finding Your Force & I WAS BORN

That first time…

was a spiritual experience.

She said our first time - - -

felt like HER FIRST TIME…

que se sentia como un amor virgen…

A Virgin LOVE…

That moment… ese momento…

when we gave our bodies to each other…

felt like the first time…

it was OUR FIRST TIME~

the first time we trusted…

we chose each other…

we surrendered completely… to one another…

un amor PURO…

THIS PURE LOVE…

This natural love

This innocent love…

Al principio… we were scared to touch each other… neither one of us wanted to make the first move… cautious… because this moment was SACRED… there was a moment we questioned… but we released all of that. 

When we first touched… cuando ella me toco… the moment we locked eyes… ese primer beso… that first kiss… when we held hands… her touch… the connection was incredibly intense and immediate. When we made love… our UNION… bodies connecting… breasts touching… her scent… her skin… her neck, our legs intertwined, our sweat… our hearts beating at the SAME TIME… the earth underneath shifted just a little bit. It shifted into place… all was right… perfection… this was RIGHT~ she said she was COMPLETE~ we both knew that this was REAL~

When love begins… its beautiful

When love begins… its light

When love begins… it’s a fairytale

When love begins… past loves no longer exist

But virgin love…

Aaahhhh virgin love…

This love is…

Pure love

Innocent love

Unquestioning love

Trusting love

True love

Real love

Full of passion kind of love

Not caught up in the bullshit love

Lasting love

It’s you and me love…

Untainted love

Loving you freely LOVE

Without conditions love

I feel you inside me…

te siento por dentro de mi…

in a way I have never felt anyone LOVE

You the mirror image of me LOVE~

ESE MOMENTO…

when one gives themselves over

QUE UNO SE ENTREGA por completo~

and becomes ONE~

now that’s LOVE~

© Copyrighted, I WAS BORN by Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Several weeks ago I was walking with a beautiful spirit sister who reminded me about the importance of protecting ones Soul. She went on to tell me that with every person we have intimacy with we give them a part of our Soul. That in sleeping with someone there is an energy being transferred and we are giving part of us away.

Giving someone a part of our Soul.

I am allowing myself to sit with this for a moment.

I AFFIRM

Today, I will know for you and for me… that our SOULS are sacred… and we are all ONE.           

Today, I will know that my body is a temple.

Today, I will know that lovemaking is a Spiritual act

Today, I am in union with me and deeply in-love.

And so it is~

Aché

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Meditation 52: Nearing the Summit ~ Day 35

My phone started ringing like crazy…

 

I was in a deep sleep and having the most deliciously sexy dream that for the life of me I can’t seem to remember now, when my phone started ringing like crazy. I jumped up and didn’t recognize the number yet I answered it anyway. I was still asleep when she said, Alicia Anabel…

Her voice… so soft… so tender… so gentle…

I knew who it was immediately. She told me that she had been trying to reach me for three weeks and that she would be returning to Cuba soon.

I stopped her from speaking and told her that I could hear sadness in her voice. I asked her what was wrong.

“Alicia, haven’t you seen the news?” she said.

She told me that a cyclone destroyed her beloved Santiago de Cuba. Her mother who is in her nineties lost everything, her sister and brother have been crying non-stop. The cyclone took everything… it took the roof right off of their house, eleven people have died and there is so much damage. That they are without food, water, and electricity. She cried as she told me that her mother was hungry.

I was wide-awake now!

I immediately jumped into: What do we need to get done? How can I help? My mind started moving a million miles a second. After hanging up with her I began planning, doing, moving, calling – and then something happened that would just put me over the top—it was the end of the world.

My cell phone fell off my bed onto the floor…

Did I not mention that all this moving and shaking I’ve been doing was all happening from my bed as I was still in my unmentionables?

I picked up my phone, which is completely cracked from a fall it took in August in the Dominican Republic on a cement floor, which left the screen cracked in a 100 places. However, the phone still functioned yet people could not believe that I would hold the phone anywhere near my face.

When I went to turn my phone on it was black. I stared to cry a little. I was crying like a kid who did something wrong and who mommy would be punishing. I started to get angry because I was in the middle of sending out an important email and now I couldn’t. I was also upset because I had made plans to see this friend who called me this morning and now I had no way of reaching her.

So in this fit of rage I SLAMMED my phone on the floor in hopes that the light would turn back on. (Writing this I am laughing hysterically because to only a lunatic would it occur that slamming a phone onto the ground would somehow undo the damage that has been done.)

So when that didn’t work… I got up from bed.

I got up and got dressed. I decided that I needed to go to the T-Mobile store, find wifi and get my work done. Then I stopped myself in mid-lunacy and said WAIT!

“You must eliminate the idea of good and evil as entities opposing each other and realize that there is but one Life Principle. There is but one electric energy wherever it may be used, but one creative Spirit wherever It is perceived, but one spiritual Power wherever It is understood. Like the ethers of space, the creative Principle of Life is ever present. Being everywhere present, It must be present in you. Hence it must be available at the center of your being.” This Thing Called You

I needed to slow down… I began to say to myself you have been using this busted phone for two months without a problem up until TODAY! Today it decided to just stop working… it just STOPPED!

Alicia, you are being called to STOP! To stop working… to stop doing… to stop moving! So STOP!

“Your search is after something great enough to lose your littleness in, something within you worthy of immortality and external expansion.

It matters not if your transition from the negative into the affirmative seems slow, if the ascent from your valley of negation to the mountaintop of realization seems difficult. Each step will bring you nearer the summit.” Ernest Holmes

So I stopped!

I am being called to not rush out of the house today. I am being called to not do anything today. I am being called to remember that it is not that serious. I am being called to remember all the people in the world who are suffering and dealing with tragedy, illness and loss. I am being called to hold them in prayer. I am being called to remember my practice and to begin this day exactly as I am meant to.

In this moment I am praying for Cuba and the Caribbean. And to all my family and friends who are wondering why I am not responding to texts and calls… my phone has STOPPED me—email is best!

And so it is~

Aché

I AFFIRM

Today I am reminded to begin each morning and end each day in union and in communion.

I am reminded that in stillness I am made whole.

Today I choose to see all mental obstructions as the one Perfect Presence within me.

Today I will know that there are no powers of evil and that discords have no power over me.

I have done nothing wrong.

All is in perfect order

All is well

“The creative Principle of Life is ever present in me. Being everywhere present, It must be present in you. Hence it must be available at the center of your being. Today I will know that this day in which I live, this present time, which is now, is perfect.” Ernest Holmes

I come to YOU, as an empty vessel, desiring fulfillment of Your way.

Today, I am being called to stop, clear out, make room and listen.

Excerpt from Finding Your Force

This time… tu saliste y no volviste. Mari wanted to know why I chose to not return? Why did I leave her? We were both sitting in a waiting room. She was waiting for me and I was waiting for her to catch up with me and be the woman that I needed and wanted at my side. I’ve been waiting for my life partner my entire life. I’ve been waiting for my equal. I was waiting for her to see the greatness that I see in her. I was waiting for her to create the future for us that I was planning and walking towards alone. I was waiting for her to get there. I was waiting for her to get it. I was waiting for her to have a revelation so that we could start a revolution. She was waiting for me at the airport to make it all better. She was always waiting for me. She was waiting for me to arrive, rescue her and save the day. It was all-wrong. I wanted to take care of her. I was not allowing her to take care of herself. We have to allow people to be grown. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be her shero. I wanted to provide for her. I wanted to give her a life. I wanted forever with her.

We have to allow people to be grown. When I step in and do it for her I take away the good that is coming to her. When I am doing everything for her… what messages am I sending her… that I really don’t respect her… that she’s not capable of doing it on her own. This is where resentment is born. I didn’t want to resent her. I wanted to get out while it was still beautiful and virgin like. Mari wanted a superhero and I wanted my equal. She was waiting for me to save her because that’s just what I do. I save people. But who’s here to save me? I’ve never been saved. Well you came in and saved my life on more than one occasion. But who throws me a life vest when I am drowning? As I write this I’m feeling a little nauseous my stomach is doing flips. This feels uncomfortable… there’s this tightness in my chest. I feel very present in this moment allowing myself to go back and feel what I felt that day. I am feeling numbness in my arms and I can barely feel my toes. The tightness in my chest is making it difficult to get air. There’s heat rising from my rib cage. This hurts. She will never know how deeply I love her. How this is destroying me.

Meditation 51: The Voices That Cry ~ Day 34

Each Voice Cries... my meditation this morning was powerful!!!

“You are now in a position to turn any specific condition of discord, and, speaking with complete authority, to know that your word will reverse it.” ~ Ernest Holmes

Today I woke up so angry. I woke up incredibly angry. I woke up mad because things were not going the way I planned. I am mad because things haven’t been going the way I wanted them to go.

I have put myself in an awkward position.

This morning started off all wrong.

My dreams were absolutely disturbing and down right crazy. There were many people tugging at me. In the dream there were people from my past…  1985… these people were pulling at me… I found myself pulling at this beautiful woman—pulling her towards me… there was a tug of war happening.

I am being pushed and pulled. I am feeling pulled in one way or the other. I am being pulled away from what it is important to me.

This tug of war is a push and pull to be…

A push and pull to give…

A push and pull to say…

A push and pull to stay…

I won’t be pushed or pulled!

I don’t want to hold this anger any more~

Today, I am choosing to stand in LOVE and peace.

I yelled at my building superintendent, management office and the exterminator all in one moment this morning. I yelled at them because I was not getting what I wanted and what I wanted was for everything to be perfect according to ME.

Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~

I feel an intrusion. I feel as though my life is polluted. I need space. I want time alone. I need to be left alone. No one in my circle seemed to recognize this. No one seems to realize that I need time for me. How do I tell them what I need without hurting their feelings? I was a walking fungus. It spread into all areas of my life and began to pollute me. The problem was that I wasn’t speaking up for myself. I wasn’t voicing what I needed and this fungus turned into an infection, which turned into rage and anger. I was angry because I didn’t check people who needed to be checked. What are the things that form me? What is it that I believe to be true about me? Why do I get nervous when I need to speak up on something? Why am I afraid to stand up for myself? I was replaying in mind all the ways I have stayed quiet.  What have been the moments that have impacted me the most in my life? Sometimes you have to sit in the darkness and feel everything. I needed to sit in the darkness. Darkness moves all around me and through me. Everything from my past had seeped into my body. Everyone I met impacted me in some way. I was hearing stories about how women were treated and mistreated by men who say they love them. I was so angry. I had to sit back and watch…

~

When I got back from traveling I felt so pulled by my circle to do things and go places. What I needed was to BE STILL and be home with you. I needed time to reflect and rest. I didn’t want to talk to my EX. I didn’t want to visit anyone. I didn’t want people in our house all day everyday. I didn’t want to respond to emails. I wanted time alone with you and I should have said that. When something bothers me I should say something. When I see injustice I must say something. We must say something. We must tell people what we feel and what we need. We must call people on their shit when their words are out of line. This fungus was about me not honoring what I was feeling and all that I was afraid to say. I was not speaking up in the moments that something occurs. I was allowing things to build. I was always worried about how others would feel. ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon.com

I will not carry anyone~

I will not carry anyone’s emotions~

I will not carry anyone’s pain~

Their stuff is not my job to fix~

Today, I choose to release every negative thought or condition, knowing that it is erased from my experience.

“I surrender everything that seems imperfect to that which is complete and whole.” ~ Ernest Holmes

I AFFIRM:

I refuse to feel bad about what I want~

I refuse to feel bad about what I deserve~

I will not carry your pain~

I will not be blamed for your hurt~

I am not responsible for you~

I am not here to save anyone~

I can only save myself~

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ By Mary Oliver ~

I AFFIRM:

Today, I choose to leave their voices behind, and am determined to save the only life I can save!

Today, I will know that there is no law for me but my own soul shall set it, under the one great Law of all life. I remember to turn to the light within. 

I believe in myself. 

Spirit is right where I am.

Today, I am choosing to disconnect and honor my union with me.

I live in a kingdom of peace, love, joy, power and plenty.

I am in Union with Spirit.

Spirit sees through me, Spirit is my thoughts; Spirit is my words and deeds.

All is well~

And so it is~

Aché~

Meditation 50: ~ A Writer’s Prayer ~ Day 33

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

A writing meditation… a writer’s prayer~

Today I give thanks Creator~

Thank you for all of the blessings that I have received over the past month, this past year and for every blessing I have ever received. You have sent many opportunities and blessings to me and for that I am eternally grateful.

Mother, Father God, as I move into this day I know that I am standing on sacred ground, holy ground wherever I am and with all the people who surround me.

Over the past few days I have chosen not to post meditations because my practice, my process has been off. I have been exhausted. But you already know this. Today I pray for renewal knowing that it has already been done! I know that you are working through me.

I have been on overload… over extending myself. My body is calling for me to slow down. To be still and honor that it is time for rest.

Today I am focusing on refilling, renewal and recharging.

Some things have happened over the past few days that in the past I wouldn’t have handled them well… I could have chosen to be angry or live in fear… I understand that even in those moments I am being called to learn something… I AM BEING CALLED TO LOVE HARDER! That even those moments of discomfort are ordered…

My life is in perfect order and in perfect alignment with what is meant for me.

Today I rest!

And so it is~