Tuesday, January 26, 2010

You can’t always get what you WANT~

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

What a wonderful way to start 2010...

It’s been a LONG time since I’ve written a blog. With all my traveling throughout Latin America for the documentary I haven’t had a moment to share the experiences of my travel or the ups and downs of life on the road. I haven’t posted what I’ve learned or discovered during these trips... what I’ve learned about myself... and no worries... those blogs are coming... I will be posting quite a bit this week... particularly the rest of The Artist Way discoveries... I finished that process in Cuba and it felt wonderful...

This song has been my theme for today... You can’t always get what you want... YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED~


And lately I’ve been getting EXACTLY WHAT I NEED...

I guess I’ll start with how I started 2010... Jan. 11th I received a letter that completely deflated me... all the good work I’ve given to the world... I felt LIKE NOTHING... I was empty... HOPELESS... so I did what I always do... I went back to the thing that pulls me out of DARKNESS... the thing that gets me out of self-defeating experiences and thoughts... and I began to get ready.

I turned to my meditation CD’s... Dr. Wayne Dyer (The Power of Intention) I must say the first few days... just hearing his voice got on my nerves... so much positivity in the midst of my turmoil... I felt like it wasn’t working.

The negative feelings began to affect me physically for a week I couldn’t move... I didn’t get out of bed because I couldn’t move my neck and it hurt to stand. I continued to listen to these powerful messages in hopes that he would say the thing that would get me out of it.

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

Lately, I had been getting these emails from Tanya Morrison, Founder of 360º Degree Woman, Inc. http://360degreewoman.blogspot.com/

She moderates a FREE Monday night conference call and is a life coach and motivational speaker.

On that very same day that I received the unwelcomed piece of mail (Jan. 11th) I NOTICED something when I read through my notes... both Dyer and Morrison asked me the same question...

Are you living at a HIGHER LEVEL?
How are you living?
Are you living an average life?
Are you living a moderate life?
Are you living a mediocre life?
Are you living a life of excellence?
Are you walking in your GREATNESS?

Am I walking in my GREATNESS?

WOW... my immediate response to my crappy situation was NO I AM NOT!

And my next question was - - ok now that I KNOW THAT I AM LIVING BELOW AVERAGE... thanks for the info...

How do I get to that place of EXCELLENCE??? Because this CRAPPY place, was not where I wanted to reside....

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

I needed to get it together quick...

I was going to have (15) writers in my home in a few days... and my neck was killing me... it was TENSION... STRESS... FEAR... but because I AM a leader... and heading this group of women... women who look to ME for guidance... AND ME desperately needing some guidance of my own... I wanted to tell them don’t come... MY LIFE IS CRAP... I FEEL LIKE CRAP... I FEEL LIKE NOTHING... and I have NOTHING to offer. Your best bet is to not be around me.

But that’s NOT WHAT I DID...

So the NYC Latina Writers Group (NYCLWG: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=info&ref=ts&gid=81895133392) held our first meeting (Saturday, Jan. 16th) in my home and we spent an entire day dedicated to creating our WRITING VISION for 2010.

(Side note: NYCLWG members... I will post separately the writing prompts and exercises we worked on so you can do it at home.)

We basically shared our dreams and goals and visions for the year. We chose (3) main goals and offered each other support, suggestions and recommendations on how to ACHIEVE THEM... this was my list:


1. Isabel Allende a love letter - - send her a card monthly on the DOTR. I INTEND to get her to write the foreword...
2. COMPLETE The Daughters of the Revolution (DOTR)***
3. Write monologue
4. Make money on my writing***
5. Write articles
6. Post TAW – The Artist Way assignments on blogs
7. Sell the DOTR – early 2010$$$ ***
8. AfroLatinos - - finish writing scripts first (3) before June***
9. AfroLatinos – gets sold
10. Writing and acting classes
11. Get someone to direct my monologue
12. Write NYCLWG anthology – group effort
13. Vona – writers workshop
14. Writers fellowships/residencies
15. Apply for grants
16. Speaking engagements
17. Book with Sear – AfroLatinos
18. Book proposal
19. KH – to write book blurb
20. JD – to write book blurb
21. AR – to write book blurb


To the all my writers... and friends... post your VISION in the comments... lets share and support one another in getting there... Let go of the fear that SOMEONE will steal your idea...no idea is ORIGINAL.

So needless to say... it was a beautiful day full of sharing and clear direction on what steps we could each take to realize our VISION.

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

The very next day, Sunday, January 17th Ellie aka BlooWriter and I attended an all day retreat offered by: DeAlmas Women's Collective (Visit www.Dealmas.org/Retreats)

This retreat was called VISIONES 2010, and the day was dedicated to DISCOVERING YOUR PERSONAL CALLING!

It was a beautiful day dedicated to BEING woman... a sacred space of empowerment and support for the women who attended with the aim of moving towards living a purpose-filled life. The description of what the day promised did not do it justice:

“Through visioning, ritual, reflective exercises, journaling, group sharing and celebratory manifestation work, we leave Visiones uplifted, motivated and ready to SHINE OUR FEMININE E-MOTION (energy in motion) for personal, community and global transformation.”

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

The day was beautiful... there was so much self discovery... and healing work... LOVE WORK... self LOVE... the BREAKTHROUGH for me was in a journal exercise where I blamed a person in my life for TAKING my spirit. I really believed that they had taken it.

In a later exercise... I wrote:


And as soon as I wrote that—my hand kept moving and the following came out:

I RELEASE THE IDEA THAT SPIRIT HAS ABANDONED ME... SPIRIT LOVES ME... AND I INTEND TO RECONNECT WITH SPIRIT... TO HONOR MY SPIRIT... TO LOVE MY SPIRIT... Spirit, I have missed you... please forgive me for not dedicating the care to all you need. To NOT feeding you...

In a separate blog I will talk more about my personal experience but what I did want to share was my testimonial and love letter of gratitude for the experience:

Dear xxxx,

You are LOVE!

I am grateful that I met you... Grateful you were born...Grateful you were brought into my life...

You ARRIVED to my life at the precise moment when I needed my heart massaged. Your SPIRIT hugged my spirit and now I can breathe again... I feel like a part of me is REVIVED.... I am alive again.


The moment my hands touched my chest-I felt RENEWED...

As if SPIRIT had returned to me... Yet it wasn't that at all...

Spirit has been waiting for me all along to touch her, to acknowledge her, to LOVE her, to feed her... She has been soooo hungry. Desperately trying to shake me awake and say; "Where are you going ALICIA? Why are you looking outside when I'm RIGHT HERE... Inside.... Just sitting around waiting for you to come have some tea with me and begin our LOVE WORK again...

I am eternally indebted to you. And not because I owe you - - but because I want to serve you.... In gratitude... In love and in partnership.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

With LOVE,

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

This morning I received a response to my email:

“Querida: I am so moved by your words... my heart has received them fully. You don't know how much I needed to hear the worth of the work that comes through me. Thank you for your timely expression of love and gratitude.

I am so happy for you! I am so joyful that your experience at Visiones brought you back to your Spirit Self ~ to your heart and you! Goddess, don't we often forget who we truly are and that we are never alone! I know I do. How simple to come back to ourselves when we have awareness.

With a loving heart and warm hug,”


You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

I have been getting ready... taking care of me... I am back doing my spiritual practice... and I FEEL GOOD!

Last night, I was feeling incredibly strong, I felt amazing... I AM OPEN... receptive... all LOVE... the universe is working in my favor... I am walking in my GREATNESS... and spreading and sharing that goodness with everyone around me. I am LIVING at a higher LEVEL.

I was at Columbia University last night doing some writing with my daughter and at around 8pm I was kind of tired. EXHAUSTED... I had been there since 11am. I just sat there looking at my daughter... I was pretending to be working... when I looked at my phone and realized it was 8:30pm. My appointment reminder on my phone was reminding me about the 8pm conference call... 360º Degree Woman – Monday night call was happening and that there was only about 15 minutes left. So I got on the call...

In the building where we were... there is no cell phone reception so I needed to walk to the entrance to hear the call.

So I'm standing at the door... listening... taking the positive messages in. When this woman and a group of people were leaving and walking right by me.

This woman was TALL... An older woman... With long white hair... Thin... Stunning... beautiful smile... smiling at me... SHE stops dead in front of me...

She says to me: “Tell me you’re a teacher?”

I said NO! I'm not a teacher. I’m a writer.

Then I said... Sorry I can't chat at the moment... I'm listening to a call...

She said: “No worries!”

She stood there for a few more moments looking for something... and then hands me her business card and leaves.

I continued to stand there listening to my call and skimming the woman’s card briefly... not really seeing everything... there was so much on the card... it had like every website and org she's involved in.

So I get home call Lulu to tell her that I MET A WOMAN... talking about this beautiful woman who stopped me...

So I wrote the WOMAN an email:

Hi xxxx,

We met briefly this evening as you were leaving. My name is Alicia Anabel Santos.

Pleasure to meet you.

I'm curious about what made you stop and why you thought I was a professor.

Wonderful meeting you.

Alicia Anabel

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

This morning after my meditation... I received a response from that WOMAN:

See! I knew that you are a Teacher!

Thank you so very much for not being freaked out at this crazy old lady! As I was rushing out to catch up with my friends, I had to stop to admire the presence of a magnificent woman. You have the appearance of grace and strength and wisdom, and my question was more of a projection on my part that....yes, yes, yes, you must teach! Your response sounded a bit modest, as though you are ONLY a writer; it further delighted me, because of course, your own unique observations and the visions generated from your fingers are vastly more influential than the task of inspiring successive classrooms of students. The referral to your websites was the clincher. Sending Humanist Hugs, appreciating your good works, BKL.

You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

I immediately responded to this INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL and TOUCHING email:

I guess on some level I AM a teacher. A humble teacher, student and servant.

Your words have touched me in ways you will never truly know. And I wasn't freaked out-- for your LIGHT comforted me--so I wasn't scared at all.

We almost didn't even meet because when you saw me I was debating heading home and decided to stand in place and listen in on this wonderful call about women and achieving greatness.

And then....

You walked by me and stopped. Most certainly projecting your own greatness, grace, WISDOM, love and light. And I was touched by that very brief encounter. That I returned home and spoke of you immediately.

Then I really had a look at your last name. And READ that it was xxxx -- I was shook... My best friend who I don't get to see or speak to very often shares your last name -- Lalita xxxx and I smiled remembering that nothing happens by coincidence and that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. We were supposed to meet...

And I'm grateful we did. I have so many questions.... Like Humanist Weddings???

I would love to spend time with you. Please let me know when we can have lunch or tea.

With love,

PS. I write a blog called Finding Your Force www.findingyourforce.blogspot.com where I share personal things about my life, my process, my writing practice (obstacles/achievements) with your permission I wanted to write about our encounter and share your words in my blog because meeting you was a confirmation that God shows up in many forms.


You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

So grateful... for getting exactly what I NEED~

I have spent the day truly taking ALL of EVERYTHING beautiful that I have been receiving. And decided that this blog is about SERENDIPITY and SYNCRONICITY...

SERENDIPITY defined: as making fortunate discoveries by accident

SYNCRONICITY defined: the experience of (2) or more events that are unrelated - - occurring together in a MEANINGFUL MANNER.

I wanted another definition... so I went to Julia Cameron’s, The Artist Way for her definition for SYNCRONICITY:

“These relationships can manifest themselves as simultaneous occurrences that are meaningfully related.”


I don’t believe in coincidences...

“A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a PREPARED mind.”
–Albert Szent-Gyorgy

Julia writes: “...we discount answered prayers? We call it coincidence. We call it luck. We call it anything but what it is—the hand of God, or Good, activated by OUR OWN hand when we act on behalf of OUR TRUEST dreams when we commit to our OWN SOUL.”

So this blog post is just a SMALL example... of the series of events that are revealed that confirm that we are on our path. MEANINGFUL COICENDENCE... MEANINGFULLY RELATED... MEANINGFUL MANNER...

For me... these are MEANINGFUL MOMENTS~

I want to end with this... Julia also talks about...

“Creativity as a TRIBAL EXPERIENCE and that TRIBAL ELDERS will initiate the gifted youngsters who cross their path.”

Right now I am going through an INITIATION and humbly welcome it~

And so it is~