Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Images Hurricane Sandy hits NYC

These are images of my uncles home after hurricane Sandy... Far Rockaway was completely destroyed, the boardwalk gone, my uncles house completely flooded. There were eighty homes that went up in flames.

My prayers are with my family and all those who are experiencing loss after this storm. I am grateful that my family is ok. I know there are people who lost their personal belongings but there is nothing more valuable than life.

Today, I will remember that every loss is the beginning of something new.

Meditation 57: Listening to the Heart ~ Day 40

It is the last day of my 40-Day Fast~
The past 40 days have been intense. I absolutely have fallen off track a few times, losing focus and momentum. There have been moments where I have felt I dishonored my self and my process. It has been a challenge, this KEEPING IT POSITIVE for 40 days straight and NOT allowing anything negative to enter my spirit space.
How do we incorporate spiritual law in our daily living?
How do we keep it positive in a world filled with pain?
For forty days I have made a personal vow to go deeper into myself and apply the teachings into my everyday experiences. There have been moments where I have done beautifully, transforming something painful into something wonderful just by just turning off the switch—not allowing myself to get mad and as easily as releasing the pain that attempted to get in … by replacing it with LOVE… with loving thoughts. Reminding myself that LOVE always trumps fear.
For forty days I have been feeding myself beautiful messages at the beginning of each day and hoping that these words would carry me for the entire day—for the entire 40 Days. I have been surrounding myself with things that make me feel good and avoiding those things that don’t feel good.
Here’s a word to meditate on Alicia! How have you been avoiding?
Avoiding implies that I can prevent bad things from happening, negativity from arriving, pain from affecting me. For 40 days I have believed that if I just keep it positive… the negative can’t touch me. For 40 days I have believed I can somehow control everything. On the 40th day of my fast I have learned the most important lesson. While I have many gifts… while I have many tools… while I have a strong spiritual practice… while my faith and relationship with Spirit is at its strongest… the most important lesson I have learned is that I control NOTHING!
Yes! I have gifts and tools that will certainly aid me in moving through moments and experiences. However, moments and experiences cannot and must not be avoided because this is where my greatest lesson and most important learning happens—through the people I meet and the experiences I face.
What I learned is that I can’t control any of it. What I have learned is that my journey doesn’t end here at 40 days. I have only just begun. This is a way of life… its constant movement towards that which makes me happy.
“I am never alone; I am all the many people I meet and who have understood my soul through books. I am not a stranger.” ~ Aleph
What I have learned is that I am never alone. Through my writing I understand that there are many people on this journey with me.
“I’ve made many men suffer, and I’ve suffered greatly, too,” Hilal goes on. “The light of love flows out of my soul, but it can go nowhere because it’s blocked by pain. I could inhale and exhale every morning for the rest of my life, but that wouldn’t solve anything. I know that you can heal me and that I can heal what you’re feeling.” ~ Aleph
I love the above quote…
I take it one step further… it’s more than just a conversation between two people. We can heal each other. On my journey of discovery and spirituality my intention is obvious… how can I be more loving… how can I be more perfect… how can I be more me? By loving YOU!
On this journey I have met you and for that I am so grateful!
“If you believe in the words you write, allow the people around you to grow with you.” ~ Paulo Coelho
What I am meditating on today is constant JOY.
How do I carry joy?
How do I allow for Joy to be my state of mind?
Understanding that there is nothing I can avoid or control yet at the same time knowing that nothing that happens around me can take my joy from me. Its remembering where to turn to when things threaten to take my joy from me. I can remember to go back to my center even when I am in a car full of people doing 75 on the Van Wyck Expressway, when all I want to do is jump out onto the highway and roll into the street trying to escape and hold onto my joy… I always have a choice… I can remember that I AM PEACE! I can remember that I AM JOY!
Excerpt from Finding Your Force~

I wore a mask for my daughter that we were ok. But we were one step away from homeless.

You were the one wearing a mask this time. You pretended to not be scared. You really believed that I was going to get us out of this one. This time even my faith  was shaken. I was worried. We were almost going to be put out onto the street. We were two days away from that experience. My poor decision-making landed us in that mess. Things needed to change. I needed to get my shit in order. I understood that I was supposed to feel all  of that. I was supposed go through all of it. That was my lesson to learned and after that moment I have never been the same. I am so grateful that we were able to save our apartment. I am so grateful to Kelly and my boss for lending us the money. I am grateful that my prayers were answered.

Prayer: Creador, thank you. Gracias a mis orishas, mis guías y protectores a mi derecha, mis angeles de la guardia. Thank you. For a while I didn’t know if I’d make it. I doubted that I would really get through it. So much was thrown at me at the same time. There were moments I didn’t believe I could get up and you creator, my force showed me the way. You showed me that I could. You showed me that I would get up. That I would not crumble. My force showed me that I would keep moving even with all the blows. I’ve been here before and will keep moving. I am so grateful for all the strength… for all the hard lessons… for all the pain… for all the love. I am grateful for your guidance and protection. I know that there is nothing I can’t get through. I know that for certain now. So I thank you. I am so full. I feel like life is changing for me. Thank you. ~ Finding Your Force A Journey to Love is available on Amazon~

“Every man’s experience is an attempt to merge his own being with this eternal river, not to the loss of his identity, but to the discovery of that self which has never wholly left its heaven. Like an echo from some unknown shore there is a voice seeking to be heard.” ~ This Thing Called You~
For 40 Days I have been listening to my heart… thank you for taking this journey with me.
Today, I am being called to be peace.
Today, I am being called to know that I am JOY.
Today, I am called to know that I control nothing.
Today, I trust that all that is meant for me will be mine.
Today, I will know that my healing is your healing.
Today, I will know that Spirit is always with me ~ for this knowing I am so grateful~
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Meditation 56: A Life of Enough~ Tuning Out Negative Ideas ~ Day 39

I needed to tune her out! I needed to shut her down! I could no longer take it. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. It’s always the same…
Yo no te veo progesso…
Yo no te veo progresando…
As she spoke all I kept hearing was what I would never be, would never have, my destiny of poverty… tu no esta progresando… that according to her I have not progressed!
She, my judge and jury!
All the wealth, the power and the goodness of Spirit exist at the center of MY being. I will experience this good in such a degree as I accept, believe in and feel it. (Alicia, keep reminding yourself! Believe the truth! Tune it all out!)
A hurricane was hitting us and the winds of her torment were affecting me. We were locked in together and I just watched her in a state of pain and panic. I didn’t have all of the books with me that I read during my morning practice that also serves as the armor I put on daily before beginning my day. And that moment I definitely needed reminders.  I decided to read something I found on my desktop, it was the introduction to a book titled, The Prosperous Heart, by Julia Cameron. It was only about six pages so I decided that perhaps I was being called to meditate on her words about prosperity.

“Looking back, always, when a demand for cash has appeared, the supply of cash has appeared also. It simply means that a prosperous heart—and everything we need—is always available to us.” ~ The Prosperous Heart

In that space I am always left to feel inadequate, as if I am useless, unimportant and insignificant. I am constantly being reminded that my writer’s life is a waste of time because I don’t own a home or a new car. I am told that my value is being measured according to material things and bank statements.
These are the words that I am meditating on… but not just words that came up in meditation. These are the words she couldn’t help herself from reminding me of… what she sees in me and for me. She loves to remind me that I don’t have anything. She loves to tell me how I am wasting my time as a writer—wasted talent… how I could have a great job as a secretary. She loves to tell me that all this work I am doing has reaped no results—she doesn’t see the progress or the point.
What if... in my heart is where all of my prosperity lives... what if here is where my progress is measured... in my heart?
I couldn’t take it anymore… I lost my cool and went off on her. I find myself constantly defending the work that I am doing and the person that I am. I explained to her that we both have different ways of looking at that which we place value on and measure progress against. Where to her life is nothing and can’t possible bring happiness without money. For her there is no value unless I have a large bank account. And for me… I am the richest woman in the world because I am happy without it. What I value most is my daughter, my family and my relationship to Spirit. I reminded her that I don’t need money because I have everything that I need… I have love, I have tranquility and I have peace. I reminded her (and myself) that EVERY time I need anything the universe ALWAYS delivers--not some of the time ALL of the time. In my anger I told her that I couldn’t take her negativity, her judgment of me and others and her criticisms. I told her that she is miserable. Perhaps, there was a nicer way to say it yet I felt trapped in a moving vehicle.
“There is only one way by which you can achieve prosperity.
It is to take charge of your mind.”
—Eric Butterworth
If poverty is a state of mind... then prosperity is also a state of mind. I choose to believe that I AM entitled to all that is good in this world and I believe that the universe is aligning to bring me all that is meant for me. I believe this. I also believe that my prosperity and abundance comes in the form of this... WORDS... this gift I've been given to write. I receive an abundance of ideas and blessings even when I don't see it. I AM PROSPEROUS! I AM PROGRESS!
“Our culture invites us to dwell on negativity.” ~ Julia Cameron
People are in pain. Some people want to hold onto negativity. Some will want us to join them in their negativity. Some will want to place their negativity on us. Yet it is not ours to hold. We can choose to not hold it and let their negativity go. I choose to release it. The most beautiful gift I can give her is to love her even though she tried to break me. Her words can’t break me. It hurt because the pain felt familiar. I am not the person I was and I will never be that person again. We are each called to face things, to change things on our journey and I am not responsible for anyone but me. So today, after breathing through it I send her love and forgiveness. I send her wishes for an abundant life… and not in the form of money, but an abundance of peace, an abundance of joy, an abundance of LOVE and an abundance of lasting happiness.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~
During yoga my neck was in a lot of pain. It was hard to breathe. I was thinking a lot about my problems, financial matters and everything that I needed to get done. I was trying to figure out ways to make more money. I tried to stop my thoughts… they were racing… where do I go? How do I start? Who should I call? What do I do?  I knew I needed to meditate for the answer. I was saying things like be still, clarity, release. BREATHE on the INHALE I used positive words like INHALE peace. Exhale chaos. INHALE love. Exhale hate. INHALE strength. Exhale weakness. INHALE abundance. Exhale limitation. It wasn’t working. My mind was filling up with all kinds of things like what about the rent, bills, food shopping, chores, responsibilities, travel, work, money, making money, stress… inhale… exhale… release it!

Have you ever taken the time to really feel what happens to your body as fear creeps in? More importantly do you know how to push it away? Do you know how to release it, how to get it out your body, how to get out of your own way? For me this morning my stomach was upset, as if something bad was going to happen. It was like a premonition of something terrible to come. I was felt like I wanted to throw up. I was distracted during my practice by so many thoughts of unworthiness. For every negative thing that would try to get inside of me I would remind myself that I have been here before. I have felt this before. This feeling wasn’t new. This tightness in my chest was familiar. It was all a part of the, "prevent Alicia from achieving true greatness plan." I had to push past those negative thoughts just to get through yoga. I got through yoga and still didn’t feel like I reached that place where I could begin my day with clarity and perspective. I tried again. I went to a calm space… a safe place inside of me and asked; what is it that I need? What is my body responding to?

The word that came up for me was WORRY. I am worried. I am worrying. I must release all worry. My words during meditation were, “Uncover and unleash your best by worrying less.” Here it was a direct message for me not to worry that all will be ok. Everything will work out. Trust that I am guided and protected. I needed to TRUST that we would be fine. I focused on something else… WHY WORRY… Don’t I always get myself out of a jam…DOESN’T MY FORCE ALWAYS GET ME OUT OF IT? Rather than worry, why not look for the solution. The other word I meditated on was patience. I am connected to a force greater than me. The people I have met, the lessons I have learned and everything in between has brought me to this moment. I need not WORRY. I can TRUST and believe that my blessings are manifesting and that all will be ok. I had allowed for our finances to get all messed up. Things were not looking good. I was scared. ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon.

The truth is I am always provided for.
The truth is that I am free~
The truth is things will rise to test where I am and see what
I have learned and where I still require attention.
“I’m not tormenting myself. I learned long ago that in order to heal my wounds; I must have the courage to face up to them. I also learned to forgive myself and correct my mistakes. However, ever since I started out on this journey, I’ve had a sense of being confronted by a vast jigsaw puzzle, the pieces of which are only just beginning to be revealed, pieces of love, hate, sacrifice, forgiveness, joy and grief. That’s why I’m here with you. I feel better now, as if I really were going in search of my soul, of my kingdom, rather than sitting around complaining that I can’t assimilate everything I’ve learned. I can’t do that because I don’t understand it all properly, but when I do, the truth will set me free.” ~ Aleph by Paulo Coelho
The truth is I am still healing~
The truth is I am still learning~
The truth is I am unfolding~
The truth is I am expanding~
The truth is I am WHOLE~
The sections I am quoting from Aleph today are beautiful lines discovered on my journey…
“Although sometimes,” I go on, “we need to be strangers to ourselves. Then the hidden light in our souls will illuminate what we need to see.”
“With each day that passes, I can see that the long journey is having the desired effect. J. was right. I had been allowing myself to be slowly poisoned by routine… Now things are changing, imperceptibly, but they are changing. Meals are times when I can venerate the presence and the teachings of friends, walks are once again meditations on the present moment, and the sound of water in my ears silences my thoughts, calms me, and makes me relearn that it is these small daily gestures that bring us closer to God, as long as I am able to give each gesture the value it deserves.” ~ Aleph
“What idiotic questions had I asked? What was the meaning of life? Why can I make no progress? Why is the spiritual world moving farther and farther away? The answer couldn’t have been simpler: because I wasn’t really living! To live is to experience things, not sit around pondering the meaning of life.” ~ Aleph
I was being called to see something. I was being called to face myself and feel why it was that I felt hurt. What was it that the words I heard brought up in me? What was it about my past that I was being reminded of? (This question I am asking the teenage Alicia, because she was the one who lost control.)
She responded: It’s when others can’t see the change in me. It’s when others can’t see how hard I work. It’s when others have no idea the hours I spend—ten-hour days writing. It offends me when the people I love the most don’t see the progress that I see and feel in me—for me… do they know how hard you work ALICIA?
My little Alicia, I want to remind you that your progress is not for anyone to judge. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone outside of me. I have seen your progress! I know how hard you work! You are an amazing writer and were born to do this. Be proud of who you are—because I am!
What I learned during this experience was that it was a wonderful opportunity for me to not get angry… to be all I have been learning. It was an opportunity to remember who I am. Today I will remember that I AM progress… I am growing… and each day I grow even more brilliant. I will remember who I am in every moment and through every experience regardless of how painful.
I forgive myself for how I spoke to her. It’s done!
“You are an eternal being now on the pathway of endless unfoldment, never less but always more of yourself. ~ This Thing Called You.
 “If we seek something, that same thing is seeking us.” ~ Aleph
“Leave your comfortable life and go in search of your kingdom.” ~ Aleph
“Our faith, not our cash flow,
is what brings to our lives comfort and ease. ~ Julia Cameron

Today, I am being called to remember how rich I truly am~
Today, I am being called to allow myself to die daily and birth new ways of living~
Today, I will remember that I am always provided for~
Today, I will know for you and for me, that there is always enough… there is more than enough~
Today, I accept that I am unlimited~ for this knowing I am so grateful~
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Monday, October 29, 2012

Hurricane Sandy will not stop these WRITING WARRIORS!!!

Last night the Women Writing the World Workshop was a tremendous success. Although the threat of disaster prevented many women from participating seven women did in fact show up to write together, to create together, to expose themselves and to excavate.  These writers wrote from their SOULS!
There were thirty women who answered the call and I brought all thirty of you into the circle. It was powerful, profound, intense, courageous, beautiful, painful, honest and raw. The women worked HARD! They wrote LONG! They wanted to continue writing. Four hours wasn't enough. The writing styles varied... each woman different... yet what they do have in common is that they each have an incredibly important story to tell and they came READY TO TELL IT.
After having some time to reflect on this journey with them, if I am being honest, last nights writers workshop left me completely depleted in the most amazing way.
The women who braved this writer’s workshop went there…. They really went there. These writers were fearless. Their stories IMPORTANT. Each of them showed up not knowing what to expect and left having created something incredibly profound. They will never know how honored I felt to share that space with them. I want to them to know that I hold each of them and honor who they are and where they come from. I am grateful they showed up. To the writers unable to join us you were missed, but definitely not forgotten.
For those women who were unable to attend last nights writing workshop I decided to offer it again for FREE, next Sunday, November 4th from 5pm - 7pm.
Women Writing the World~ Part Two - FREE WORKSHOP
Sunday, November 4th
Time: 5:00pm - 7:00pm
To register please email:
Please include the following in your email:
Your name:
On November 11th, we kick off my last workshop for the year. This is a six week intensive with the sole purpose of digging deep and reaching writers goals.

The Writing With Intention Workshop is a six-session writing intensive. In this workshop we get down to the business of writing. Here you will receive writing prompts and exercises to push you further in your writing practice. It is about Writing with Intention! When we sit down at our computers or in front of our journals do we set an intention for what it is we would like to explore in our stories? Do we ask our characters where they would like to take us? In this workshop we will begin at the beginning exploring our writing styles and process, discovering and listening to our voice, surrendering and trusting the process, story structure, re-writes and arriving to completion.
It is about being clear about what we are here to do… and getting right down to it! It’s about writing. As 2012 comes to a close I would be honored to support you in beginning or moving toward that thing you are dying to write. It’s about setting an INTENTION to move forward no matter what obstacles arise. Nothing before this moment matters.
Dates: Nov. 11, 18, 25 and Dec. 2, 9, 16
To register for  Writing with Intention – Fee: $360.00 ~ 6 classes on Nov. 11, 18, 25 and Dec. 2, 9, 16


Meditation 55: Forgetting who you are… loneliness on the Journey ~ Day 38

“Learn to be at home in the universe. No more loneliness. No more sense of isolation…”
“Later on, I’ll tell you about the conversation I had a month ago with J. What matters now, though, is that this is precisely what has been happening to me: I’ve invested work, time, and effort; I tried to encourage my personal growth with love and dedication, but nothing happened for years.” “What do you mean ‘nothing happened’? have you forgotten who you are?” ~ Aleph
“That I need strangers like that,” I explain. “My roots are ready, but I’ll manage to grow only with the help of others. Not just you or J. or my wife but people I’ve never met. I’m sure of that.” ~ Aleph
Can you hear that?
Open your windows… all of them… the bedroom windows, the living room windows, the bathroom and hallway.
As I woke up this morning I decided to open every window in the house. There were no cars on the street. No people moving. No hustle. No bustle. All I heard was the wind.
Just the wind chanting… it was swooshing…loud… whistling… it was moving in the form of a song. The Goddess of Wind was echoing throughout my house. I asked her for renewal, to remove from my path those things that do not serve me, to renew my space, to blow through my house in the far reaches of every corner, under every doorway, cleansing every item and piece of furniture in my space. In renewing my space, I am calling forth Oya to bring me the greatest blessings. I am growing through some changes in my life right now and it is time my outside world match my insides… this is the final stage of my WHOLENESS… this is a moment of renewal… a moment of rebirth. Life is constant transformation and this renewal is swift.
During meditation the words that came up for me were…
Feeling alone
The journey
People you meet on the journey
Order and control
“If I believe I will win, then victory will believe in me. No life is complete without a touch of madness, or, to use J.’s words, what I need to do is to re-conquer my kingdom. If I can understand what’s going on in the world, I can understand what’s going on inside myself.” ~ Aleph
Re-conquering my kingdom… this is what I am doing. Its not about the paint on the walls or the new furniture in my space. The kingdom that I am re-conquering is where truth lives, is where love lives, is where understanding lives, is where I LIVE. This renewal... this moment in my life is one of the most magnificent moments that I am experiencing... living... I am filled with peace and love... so many wonderful blessings surround me. ALL IS WELL!!!
“Am I doing what I need to do to make the Chinese bamboo grow? I’ve been to six countries, met my readers, had fun, temporarily driven away the depression that was threatening to engulf me, but something tells me that I still haven’t reconquered my kingdom.”  ~ Aleph
What I love about what Paulo Coelho is saying here has so much to do with everything that surrounds us, people, places, things… I know for me over the past ten years there has been tremendous growth and change… evolution… unfolding… battles with depression and huge successes and achievements. My spiritual practice has gotten so much stronger!  I have gotten so much stronger.
For the most part a lot of my spiritual practice is done alone… in private – I have never really included anyone in my process/practice. It’s always been a moment for me.. alone time. But as I continue learning, unfolding, and expanding I am coming to understand that ALL the good that I am receiving is even greater once it is shared.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~
I feel you flying
twisting in the wind
you are a juggler
a magician on point
you are the homeland
you are the ultimate
but you are a carrier
you do the heavy lifting all the time
and so you know how to breathe
in and out
so you can hear yourself
because therein lies your truth
and you need to remember that
that you are perfect
you are exactly where you need to be
that everything is falling into place
in precisely the way things need to float down
so take a minute to slow it all down
right now
just for a few minutes
and watch is all fall like feathers
and now the feathers turn into butterflies
like beautiful
just like you
flying around
cascading luminous colors
you are centered now
you are focused
you are clear
you are in the pit of my stomach
the center of my universe
you make my heart beat
you are home now
take a deep breath
let it out slowly
you are HOME
now spread your wings again.....
and FLY~
I love you

In the  Alchemist, Paulo Coelho writes that  there will be a point where we will want to give up on following our personal legend. There will be a point where it will be incredibly grueling, difficult, painful, unbearable and just plain HARD. These are the moments where we must believe. It  is hard work and at that the exact moment when it hurts you must press on. You’ve got two choices. Do what you’ve always done and get the same results or take a risk and say screw it! I’m going try it anyway and actually DO something NEW, something different and go for it. We get so used to doing what feels SAFE. We do what’s familiar. We do what we know. We do what people are used to us doing. We do the same thing everyday. When we do this we miss an important lesson. We miss out on NEWNESS of EVERY—DAY.

I am allowing my life to UNFOLD into what IT will become and not what I force it to become.

The greatest understanding and gain for me, is that I know exactly what I came here to do. I feel myself changing. Today I started to think about my life and all the ways I’ve changed in the past 40 years. I went back to the days where I constantly needed to  see proof that change was happening. In my past I believed that I needed validation and recognition for the changes that were happening in me. I was always looking and desperately searching for  that someone to come enter my life and tell me how proud  they were of me. But today I feel different. I am different person. I  could spend my life resenting the people who fed me words that poisoned me trying to prove to them who I AM. Or I can simply just be me and not worry about them. I am no longer waiting for those people to tell me  they SEE ME ~ Finding Your Force A Journey to Love available on Amazon.

So I started to thinking about the people I have met on this journey - - people who have come and gone, people who have stayed. But really what I am thinking about is ALL that I have gained, learned and how important each person I have ever met is in my life story. Every person I have met is significant on my journey. There are important lessons for me to be found in everyone I meet.
Today, I am being called to see them in me… and me in them.
Today, I am being called to see ME!
“Your union with God implies your union with everything that lives.” ~ Ernest Holmes
“Learn to be at home in the universe. No more loneliness. No more sense of isolation. See God in everyone—the same God with a different face, the same animating Principle with a different form, the same Divine Presence clothed in individual expression.” This Thing Called You.
Today, I see honor the God in YOU!
Today, I thank you Spirit for the winds of change that I am experiencing... 
Today, I am so grateful for every experience and person in my life.
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Meditation 54: Accepting Love ~ Day 37

This morning I woke up thinking about a Spirit Sister who will be running the New York City Marathon next weekend. The preparation and training required can be grueling. I am imagining all that it must have taken her to get to this moment.
A belief in Spirit and a deep belief her Self… the kind of belief that knows that she will make it to finish line. And this incredible sense of achievement that will come as she arrives.
Pure Joy
A dream-come true
Personal legends fulfilled
Yemaya spoke to me through her in my dream… “Yemaya and me…” that’s what Yolanda said to me in the dream.
Always the writer… I said to myself, “Wow! What a beautiful title for the children’s book I will one day write, Yemaya and Me! And it will be about this wonderful journey they will go on together and all the lessons Yemaya will teach.”
“I surrender myself to the rain. There’s more lightening, but my feeling of helplessness is being replaced by something positive, as if my soul were gradually being washed clean by the water of forgiveness.” Aleph, by Paulo Coelho
Yemaya, Mother, who lives in the ocean… Yemaya is the vastness of the ocean…the calm before the storm… the tsunami when we aren’t ready… she is strength, purity, beauty, power, LOVE, protector of my daughter and our home. One of her daughter’s, Yolanda, has embarked on a wonderful journey. Running a marathon is not a small thing… it is HUGE! She is huge and Yemaya came to tell me that she would be running alongside her.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love:
He said,
I DARE you to use all you are
to attend to your work everyday
in a very specific manner
to set goals
to rise above the circle you are currently living inside of
because there are greater things for you

My body hurt, my neck was sore and my eyes were having trouble focusing. I don’t think I’ve ever pushed myself this hard. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything so badly. I needed to push myself beyond the limits I place on myself.

I was pushing myself until it hurts.
I pushed myself while on the brink of tears.
I couldn’t stop.
I wouldn’t stop

I needed to push past my perception of what I can take and release those self-defeating thoughts about whether I have what it takes. I know for myself that I do have what it takes… I AM all that it takes!

What I learned was that I could take so much more. I will push harder; move faster I will surpass the exhaustion. It took every ounce of energy from my body, mind, spirit and soul to get to the end. When you push yourself you truly see what you are made of. The things I believed were unattainable are in the past. Those thoughts no longer serve me. I wanted to thank him for pushing me. In those final hours I could feel his spirit and energy all around me. I felt him next to me. He was lifting me. He was rubbing my back. He was telling me that I could do this. I wanted to remember that moment. I wanted to acknowledge the fact that I was in so much pain and wanted to turn off everything—but I did not. I kept moving. I pushed even harder. When I finished editing the last monologue and arrived to the last lines of my first play I immediately wrote him an email… MET MY DEADLINE, KEPT MY PROMISE… I WAS BORN~

“I can’t do it!” is no longer in my vocabulary… it’s replaced by:


“I’m tired!” is replaced with:

There is NO time to be tired!
MEET your deadlines!
DO what you set out to do!
Do what you say you’re going to do!

“I am exhausted!” turns into:
I still have a little bit more…

What about the housework, the errands, the dishes that have been in the sink for two days after working 12-hour days? All excuses I’ve made to stop my momentum and procrastinate. Just FINISH IT… Finish what I set out to do. Finish what I start. The dishes will still be there tomorrow. The only thing we need to practice is perseverance, tenacity, determination, never quitting, working harder, commitment, effort, motivation, drive, achievement, goal setting, have a team, constant movement, work, endure, attitude, inspire, courage, ambition and challenge. FAITH, LOVE and GRATITUDE!!!

It takes great courage to wake up everyday and go after what you want. It takes endurance to be able to take whatever comes your way and still have the strength to move forward even when you’re kicked down. Know that anything worth having requires hard work and many moments of working hard for what you want! I have been non-stop and I am not stopping. I am pushing myself harder than I ever have and this pain feels good. An incredible amount of commitment is necessary. Without it we’re just fooling ourselves. We have to believe we can achieve a certain goal. It took everything that I was made of and all that I didn’t know I had. That moment was pure exhilaration. I finished it. I got to the end of it.  I needed to remember why I do this. Why it is I want this. I needed to call up everything from my arsenal of truth. What made me want to write? Why I MUST write?

You made me write. You made me a great writer. The first time I even thought about writing something it was for you. This journey has always been about giving you a gift. It’s about leaving you with something to repay you for everything you’ve given me. I wanted my words to be with you always. I write because I can’t imagine myself not writing. Writing is my voice. I don’t need to search for it because it is already here. ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon~

Then I got up, got dressed and decided that it was time for me to step back into the world. After having a wonderful weekend with family, it was time to be with my Spiritual family. I arrived to Expansion Church late, they were just concluding the silent meditation and when I walked in Greg Stamper was leading the choir in the next song… when he started singing something happened, when “The Light” started singing the transformation was immediate… I felt the words in every cell of my body… “Lord, I’m amazed by you… how great is your love for me… how wide… how deep… how great… is your love for me!”
This beautiful love song in gratitude to Spirit for the GREATEST LOVE I’ve ever known.
Then our Minister, Rodney McKenzie said, “Accept how loved we are… we don’t have to give or do to be loved… we already are.”
I am already loved… my search is over.
“Bring your hopes and aspirations to the Divine Center within you, lay them on the altar of your faith in complete confidence.” This Thing Called You
“Yes, it’s difficult to talk to your heart, and perhaps it isn’t even necessary. We simply have to trust and follow the signs and live our Personal Legend; sooner or later, we will realize that we are all part of something, even if we can’t understand rationally what that something is. They say that the second before our death, each of us understands the real reason for our existence, and out of that moment, Heaven or Hell is born. Hell is when we look back during that fraction of a second and know that we wasted an opportunity to dignify the miracle of life. Paradise is being able to say at that moment: “I made some mistakes, but I wasn’t a coward. I lived my life and did what I had to do.” ~ Aleph
Yolanda is running in honor of her grandmothers and I am donating in honor of my grandmother who lost her battle with cancer... Congratulations my beloved Yolanda!

Today, I will know that every moment in my life I am doing what I need to do.
Today, I will know that when I am lost, confused or scared I know where to turn.
Today, I will know that I will make it to the finish line… every time.
Today, I will know for you that all that Spirit is preparing for me, Spirit is preparing for you.
Today, I know that you and I are one… your win is my win! My win is your win! 
Today, I honor you Yolanda, I honor the God in YOU! I AM cheering you on!
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012