Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Running for my life~

It happened on the train…
It always happens on the train…
The train is where I have the most important conversations with myself about myself…

Today the conversation was screaming LOUD at me… so much so that my heart is racing.

How much do I know about this person?
Can I trust this person?
How do I know they have good intentions?
Is it about this person or is it about me?

I'm thinking about all of the people I have recently met~
I'm thinking about decisions I MUST make~
I'm thinking about ALL that I have to get done in such a short time~

Was I running away from something or running towards something?

I'm filled with this overwhelming feeling of doubt… worry… concern… like I'm about to lose something…

I dreamt a lot last night but don't remember all the details… one dream was about my daughter in college… she was happy… and the other dream was me running – leaping – I even jumped over a balcony down like several flights of stairs – and wasn't injured – on some Bionic Woman shit… it was like someone was trying to hurt me… am I fighting for my life right now. Should I worry?

I'm scared today~

I was asked today: "Are you worried about YOU or someone else?"

Am I worried for me or someone else?

I need to shift my focus…

Here's where I'm at today…

If anyone knows anything about dream interpretation - - what does running mean?

Are you running towards something or away from something?


Monday, May 5, 2008

Dedicated to the haters~

I just received one of those emails from a dear friend - - where you're supposed to send it to 10 to 150 people in your life … I decided to re-post it as a blog… its just THAT GOOD~

Dedicated to the haters:

Hater by Maya Angelou

What Exactly Is A 'Hater'?

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.

They are very negative people to say the least.

Nothing is ever good enough!

When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...

That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams,
because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...

It's dangerous to be like somebody else...

If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?

You never know what people have gone through to get what they have...

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story...

If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We've all got some haters among us!

Some people envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God

Light up a room when you walk in

Start your own business

Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing)

Raise your children without both parents being in the home

Haters can't stand to see you happy

Haters will never want to see you succeed

Haters never want you to get the victory

Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.

How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life. Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when it's your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams...

Now I'm ready to go HOME! Maya Angelou

How do YOU handle haters? Are YOU a hater?

Ok – so I feel that if I put those questions out there… I have an obligation to answer it as well. YES I can admit that I have been guilty of hating on others… I ain't gonna lie… I used to hate on JLO… and quite honestly what I discovered that those skills that I liked to convince myself that she didn't possess are precisely the characteristics I wanted to have for myself…

What she has that I didn't have:

Confidence: First of all… she believes in her self… followed her dreams… lives with passion and gets shit DONE… PERIOD – we don't gotta like her… but hell yeah I respect her.

Success: she got that shit down… what ever she touches turns to gold… even if a film bombs… she still moves on… she's still making that paper.

Perseverance, motivation, faith, endurance, and strength - - ALL of that~ she has it, lives it, breathe it… and I wanted it for myself… so at some point in my life… I needed to stop talking shit about her… and doing what I was BORN to do.

How do I handle haters?

I don't know that I have an answer for that. I am very trusting… and am guilty of being a tad bit gullible. I believe that people step to me with the same love I bring and that's not always the case. Do I have people around me who are haters? Probably… my daughter can definitely answer that question better than me…. My glasses tend to be a little foggy… I'm getting better at deciphering who's good for me and who isn't.

How do YOU handle haters?
Are YOU a hater?


PS. And these days I'm hating on Junot Diaz… I want a Pulitzer~ I'm joking I ain't hating on the brother… but that's that standard of writing I'm aiming for~

Saturday, May 3, 2008


PASSION.... thats a word that sits with me today...
living with...
possessing it...
sharing it...
walking it...

this shit cant dwindle...
passion is what takes us forward...

I had a conversation last night with someone about passion and she said "I've never had romance" then she moved to "he lacks passion" and she also added "he told once that passion goes away." We talked about PASSION as it pertains to keeping a relationship going. WE can apply the theory to every area of our lives.

Where do we find our passion?
How do we feed this passion?
When do we lose our passion?

In LOVE - I am very passionate... I love romance, I love notes, cards, letters, poems, shared music, watching movies, love making, great food, conversation... IN LOVE... how you got me is how you KEEP me. So if the person in my life does all these amazing things in the beginning that ARE what lured me - - that are the things that add spice to our live... and then all of sudden all of if just STOPS... I can see why I would wonder...

Was it all an act?
Were the things done in the beginning merely done to SCORE with me?
Were they just to get me in bed?

How do we intend to keep our passion ALIVE?

Where's the passion?

I don't EXPECT that every day lived in my life will be lived with the high energy that going at things with PASSION demands... but I don't expect passion to DIE~

I don't ever want PASSION to be removed from the equation...

In WRITING - I am very passionate... I love putting words to the page... with my PASSION for writing an idea can enter my head and not let me rest... there's an urgency that is felt with my passion for writing - my passion for subjects I write about - THIS is an area in my life I always want to be passionate about - - and when the levels of energy and passion dwindle - - or the flame seems to be dying down... I will always look for ways to feed myself - - to feed this area.

Its about keeping the PASSION alive~ How do we do this?

Are you passionate?
Where do we find our passion?
How do we feed this passion?
When do we lose our passion?
How do you keep the passion alive?
What are you passionate about?


Thursday, May 1, 2008

"For the Love of Freedom" a Puerto Rican VOICE~

My interview with Melissa Montero, emerging filmmaker…

When I told a friend that I was writing a novel about women who start a revolution, he immediately told me about a young woman who was working on a film about real life revolutionary heroes.

The moment I saw the clip of the documentary, I knew her name would be one to remember.

Melissa Montero, aspiring Latina filmmaker, lives in Queens, New York and is of Puerto Rican and Ecuadorian heritage. She arrived to my home for the interview and my first impression was that she seemed shy, though once she started to speak; I knew she was a force to be reckoned with.

She's incredibly knowledgeable and passionate about social and political issues, particularly the inclusion of women in history. She stressed the importance of sharing knowledge about significant roles women have played in Puerto Rican history.

The working title for her latest project is "Our Women, Our Struggle."

Melissa shared that her biggest influences are her parents and grandparents because they kept the culture so alive in her family. She recalled being sent with her brother and sister to Puerto Rico every summer. Other major influences are the women in her documentary as well as, Don Pedro Albizu Campos and Esperanza Martel, a life long political activist in the community, who she considers to be a mom, mentor and major influence.

Exposure to the specific women in her film wasn't until her college experience where she says: "it's where my political transformation started."

However, she remembers being very passionate about injustice even in elementary school, saying, "I was always against injustice, I remember having similar views, but it was in college where I really became more radical."

"Our Women, Our Struggle" will be a compelling hour-long documentary that chronicles the lives of three Puerto Rican revolutionaries who dedicated their lives to the independence movement. They were women who fought to end social injustice. The documentary is based on the lives of Isabel Rosado, a 98 year-old member of the Puerto Rican Nationalist Party, Lolita Lebron, long time Nationalist, now in her eighties, and Dylcia Pagan, former member of the defunct Fuerzas Armadas de Liberacion Nacional (FALN).

Melissa is extremely proud of this project, telling me that what she hopes to achieve is basically telling their story – "a story told through their eyes." She wants the public to learn about the legacies these dynamic women have left, by having the stories told in their voices.

About the women and the film, she tells me, "they're each very interesting, conflicted and complex" but that it's also a love story… "It's a love story between these women and the island of Puerto Rico, a love for their nation."

Melissa shares her impressions of the three women: the first is Dona Isabelita. Melissa says "There really isn't much on her that can be found. There's nothing on her role in the independence movement or her life. I felt an urgency to do this - - people are starting to pass away."

She stressed the importance of gathering the facts of our history before the elders are gone - - elders who hold the key to our past, which are necessary, for us to unlock the doors to our future. Melissa really loved her time with Dona Isabelita saying that, "she reminds me of my great grandmother who past away when I was five. So strong, so open, such great personality. She told me a story about going to her house last summer. "Her hands are really strong, she has a real strong grip it felt painful when she shook my hand and Dona was laughing – I was like OMG – she's 99."

On Lolita, she says, "here's another great woman with a strong character. These are all women who are warriors and fighters." Melissa told me that Lolita is very sweet and that what she loves most about her is "that after all these years and through her transformation… her stand on Puerto Rico has not changed" that even in 2000 she got arrested for civil disobedience for Vieques.

When she told me about Dylcia, she shared how much fun she had with her. She brought Dylcia to her university to speak to the students and they ended up hanging out one night until 3:00am. "These women invite everyone to their homes, are accessible to the community and they are phenomenal women."

We talked about why she feels this is an important story to tell.

"When I started to really learn about the Puerto Rican independence movement, I read more about the contributions of men, which of course included the great Don Pedro who is one of the most prominent leaders and one of my heroes."

She respects and pays homage to the men, but was very curious as to where women fit into history, "a history where they have been excluded."

Melissa wants to bring to the forefront, the women that were involved but not documented or credited for their heroic acts.

"I have seen some documentaries on Puerto Rico but nothing that really focuses on the women."

She tells me that what she enjoyed most about this entire process were the interviews with the many people during the research for the film.

"I loved meeting historians and writers who shared bits and pieces of history which I didn't know. What I loved the most about this project was learning. Overall, what I loved the most was the learning process."

I asked her what she learned from each woman:

"What I took away from each woman: from Dona Isabelita is her passion to live, her passion to stay alive. She's going strong and she'll be 100 next month. She's just so alive. In one of her interviews she says, "yo quiero decir que yo naci hoy - - que yo naci ahora – para poder segir luchando siempre!" which translates to "I want to say I was born today - - that I was born now – so that I can keep fighting forever!" From Dylcia, it's her youthful spirit. She's a bug out. She can get down with anyone at any age. From Lolita, it's her strength and conviction."

For now, Melissa hopes to complete this film.

"I want to share, unfold and tell this untold story in a way that sparks inspiration and starts a conversation. I would love to reach people who don't have any idea or know anything about our history."

What she wants the audience to take away from the film, is the human side of these women. Melissa believes that when people think of nacionalistas or revolutionaries, they don't think of them as human beings who are regular people with hearts.

"There's more to them than picking up arms. These are real people - - who love freedom and that's what they fight for! I want people to see them as human, to see their character. It's not so much about whether or not your pro Puerto Rican independence - - it's more about the story of these women and their personal journeys."

If you are interested in donating you can reach Melissa at or

For more information or to make donations please visit:

We talk a lot about wanting to hear our stories told… here we have someone walking that talk.

Lets support her~


I wanna SCREAM~

Why do your words hit so hard?

"I'll love you, I'll whisper until you make me SCREAM! ... Scream it girl ..."

I wanna scream…
FUCK girl...
I'm screaming on the inside…
The voice is deafening~
It's like bombs exploding on the inside~
A dragon…blazing fire with each breathe

I wanna scream...
I'm tired of speaking so softly...
I'm through with you thinking I'm somehow soft
Yeah I'm nice….
But don't be confused…
I'm nothin nice~

I wanna scream…
Who's holding you back?
Who do you blame?
What do YOU want to do?
Where are you headed?

I wanna scream…
Forward movement

I wanna scream…
Are you with me?
Are you with me?
Are you with me?
Are you WITH me?

I wanna scream…
My light
My life
My laughter
My love
My happiness
Don't fuck with that

I wanna scream…
Are you in my life to add?
Are you in my life for the moment?
Are you in my life for now?
Are you in my life for LIFE?

I'm screaming on the inside…


Your words CUT~

Your words cut to the ROOT of the matter~

and for that i am thankful...

thanks filled...

thankful there's a YOU...

you know who you are...

you walk right beside me...

don't KNOW ME - yet YOU know me...

you KNOW ME so mother fucking well...


thank you for being there for me...

thank you for reminding me - that MY LIGHT need NOT flicker...

HELL NO - to that...


YEAH... stand up...

stand up for... those who are silenced...

to those who silence... i say FUCK YOU...

you can't have it...