Monday, December 31, 2012

Intentions, resolutions, promises and endings!

Today is the last day of 2012 and I am sitting in my bed smiling. Smiling about how wonderful 2012 has been to me. I am thinking about how this will be my last blog post for 2012. I am meditating on the last words I want to write for this year.
I am infusing every word I write today with love, peace, joy, hope, faith, more love, more faith… trust… believing… belief in all things… in all things that are good… this is my highest intention for the words I put on the page today and how I intend to leave this year… and live all of next year… filled with love, peace and tranquility. The Universe, God and the Goddesses, the Angels, Mis Santos, mi familia, my friends have ALL been good to me… they are always so good to me—and to all of them I say THANK YOU… I am so grateful for this amazing year.
I feel happy today!
I feel blessed!
I feel GOOD!
I feel STRONG!
Today I close chapters!
Today I make amends!
Today I forgive ALL!
Today I release all unfinished business!
Today I allow all that needs to be DONE—to be DONE!
It is done… we are done… I am done!
I have released all of the old.
I have released a past that I am done with.
I am no longer carrying anything old into my future… it is out of my house and out of my life… for good!
I have literally thrown out hundreds of bags and hundreds of pounds of old papers and research… I have cleared it ALL out… I have cleared out everything and everyone that does not serve a greater purpose for my life.
I am happy.
I am complete.
I am whole.
I am safe.
I am free.
I am making room for everything that I do want… and everything that I deserve. Those things I will allow in.
Today is a very special day. This is a special blog… a special note of gratitude… this my very last blog for a very long time… I have reached the end of this part of my journey and am beginning a new one.
I am so grateful to those who have read my words, followed my work and supported my craft.
Today, Monday, December 31, 2012 I say good-bye to you.
I wanted to share my last writers prompt for the year in hopes that you will do it with me. Lets close this wonderful year out strong, filled with love and gratitude! Let's begin preparation for all that is about to unfold.
Part 1: Write a letter of gratitude to 2012 (set a timer for ten minutes and write about everything you are grateful for, all that you have accomplished, all of the blessings you have received, your highlights and low lights. Write without lifting the pen off the page… no editing… allow it all to just flow… if the timer goes off and there is more you would like to write keep going until you are done.) If you would like to share it with me feel free to post it as a comment or email it to me at
Set your ten minutes on the clock and GO!!!
Here is my letter:
My beloved 2012:
I am so grateful for the abundance you have brought me.
Creator, thank you for all the blessings of Ogun, Olokun, Yemaya, Chango, Orula, Ellegua, Obatala, Oya, Ochun, Ochossi y Osum que siempre me protegen… me siento tan bendecida. Thank you for bringing me closer to my parents and family. Thank you for my ancestors who are always with me.
Thank you for all those moments when I was afraid worrying myself over where the money was going to come from yet it always arrived from the most odd and unexpected places. Thank you for Renzo Devia and Afrolatinos, a story that I am dedicated to, which has brought me so many opportunities and blessings. Thank for the people that were sent and the many friendships I have formed. People who have become my family and I am grateful to those who have my back. Thank you for that very special visit from the most remarkable Hawk, my guardian angel who arrived to support me, protect me and fill me with messages and blessings for this next stage of my life.
Thank you for my beautiful daughter, thank you for always protecting her and bringing her home to me safely. Thank you for your continued guidance. Thank you for BET, VIACOM, NANOWRIMO, VONA, Finding Your Force, I WAS BORN, the countless writers workshops I was blessed with facilitating and being a part of. I am grateful to all of the colleges I was able to visit in order to present Afrolatinos and share Finding Your Force. I am grateful for my trip to Cuba and the Dominican Republic that strengthened my spirit preparing me for all the good that has arrived in my life and for all the good that is coming. I am grateful for Renzo Devia in my life, meeting him and embarking on a journey five years ago and we have so much further to go. I am grateful to all those who helped send me to VONA for their support and love and faith in me… they made it possible. I am grateful for everyone I met during that trip. For Mat who encouraged me to apply to Writing Programs and to Maaza for facilitating a space where I could be a better writer and for all the writing sisters I made at VONA. I am grateful for the special women who attended my first 12-Week Writing Workshop, the Women Writing the World, and Writing with Intention Workshops their stories are a part of me now and I have learned and gained so much from them. I am grateful for the NYC Latina Writers Group, all of my writing is dedicated to you.
What have I learned this year?
I’ve learned that when I answer my call and follow my heart there are always favorable results. All I have to do is take one step and everything conspires to help me achieve it. Doors open… opportunities arrive… blessings are endless. I am grateful for the countless conferences and panels that have brought so many blessings to Court and I, especially for our brand new apartment. I met so many goals this year. It has taken me such a long time to get here but I am glad we arrived. I have learned to enjoy the process and I am enjoying ALL OF IT!
Thank you for all the love that surrounds me, the people who hold me in prayer, the people who send me well wishes and for those people who may not wish me well - - may they know LOVE… may they know that I love them and am so grateful for them. For my Padrino Leo… thank you… he has been light in my life… my angel on earth… a warrior that protects me… thank you for making his play a success. I am also grateful for every blessing you have brought the many people in my life, from new babies to engagements… to Broadway shows… may the universe continue to bless all of us! There is more than enough to go around!
And so it is.

Part 2: Is a letter to yourself for 2013… in this letter giving thanks for all the things you intend to achieve. Include your entire vision, deepest wishes and dreams that you would like to see manifested by December 31, 2013 In this way you are calling it forth and watch the miracles unfold. (set your timer for ten minutes and go… same rule applies… if the timer goes off and you would like to add more… keep going… take this letter, place it in an envelope – address it to yourself… if you would like me to male it to you at the end of 2013 I would be happy to… email it to me with your home address and I will save it for you… GO write… be prosperous… be filled with love and hope.)
On this New Year’s Eve I am personally wishing you a beautiful evening with all those you love and know that in 2013 your dreams will come true.
And so it is.

Monday, December 10, 2012

When a HAWK visits… you STOP!

Signs…  as I am writing this the Tesla song is playing in my mind:

Signs signs everywhere are signs
do this
don’t do that
can’t you read the signs
Last Thursday, December 6, 2012, I was looking for a sign… I was praying for a sign… I was literally praying for a sign in the exact moment that it arrived.
Hawk Visit part 1 
Hawk Visit part 2 
Hawk Visit part 3
When a HAWK visits… you STOP!!!
The past few days I have been completely consumed and obsessed by my visit with this most magnificent creature that is the HAWK! A hawk at my window, a hawk in Harlem… this is something that doesn’t happen every day.  After the shock and fear that was filling me subsided, I immediately shifted into OK ALICIA STOP! Breathe… get quiet… stay calm… enjoy this moment… this is a huge gift, a message and a tremendous sign for you… pay attention… get still… stay in this moment and really SEE what is right in front of you!

What was I doing right before this beautiful hawk landed at my window?
I was meditating on INTENTION!!! I was meditating on TRUTH and INTEGRITY! I had just read text that was reminding me that I must always stand in my authentic self!
I was thinking about my future, my expectations, my goals and the seeds that I have planted. And then it happened… she arrived… she arrived to bring me a message! She arrived to confirm everything! She came to show me something!  We stared at each other for such a long time. When she looked at me she told me she trusted me… she saw into my soul and I saw hers... she told me that I needed to TRUST more… reminding me that I must believe that all that I desire is already here. She brought me peace. She shared her meal with me.
I have always understood that I am surrounded by blessings, found in people and opportunities that have arrived in my life.  However, there are many more blessings that I don’t see--and these are the ones that I am being called to stand in gratitude for… many of these blessings have gone unnoticed… this was one of those signs that I just couldn’t miss or ignore! This blessing was for ME, my daughter… my family… my friends… all those in my life… This moment was HUGE! And I am open to receiving all of it…
I am so thrilled to have shared this moment with so many people in my life because what I know is that she arrived to show me how massive she is… she came to show me how MASSIVE I AM! Her intention was to confirm and alleviate any doubt and ALL of my fears. It was a cleansing.. a purging... the ultimate RELEASING OF THAT WHICH DOES NOT SERVE ME! 
I am so glad she allowed me to photograph and get so close to her. I am so grateful she visited me. I am so grateful for the blessings she has bestowed upon me and our home.
For this QUEEN, this HAWK... She, this God/Goddess, this magnificent, majestic, regal messenger who arrived to show me WHO I AM and ALL THAT HAS ARRIVED FOR ME and ALL THAT IS ON ITS WAY TO ME… for this and for everything in my life... I am so grateful!
She had one more thing to tell me before leaving… she made it a point to perch herself on my fire escape, glancing at me one last time when she told me, “ALICIA, PAY ATTENTION! NOW IS THE TIME! TAKE ACTION! YOUR GUARDIAN ANGELS ARE WITH YOU… YOUR SPACE IS CRAZY PROTECTED… YOU ARE A FORCE… YOU ARE A BEAST! YOU ARE A HUNTER! NOTHING CAN TOUCH YOU! IT IS TIME TO SOAR!
No more hesitation… the message has been delivered and received!
And so it is~
Maferefun Chango, Maferefun Ochossi… Santo Cristo de Olofi!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

What COMPLETION feels like!!!


At exactly 1:54pm today... while the original version of "You're all I need to get by....." was playing... I uploaded what I wasn't aware would be the final word count in the National Novel Writing Month Competition... when I entered my book count the screen went crazy ... with a video and people cheering... me crying... doing a little dance... 

I am so grateful to everyone in my life for being so supportive...  I am no where near done... but I am done with the hard part. I am in this novel.... I have much more to write but I have a tremendous first 51,294 words down and counting!!!

Sending you all love, light and many blessings always,

Friday, November 23, 2012

Giving thanks~

Giving thanks...

As I sit here the day after Thanksgiving I realized that I didn't post publicly all that I am privately and regularly thankful for. I don't need a special day to let you know that I love you and that I am grateful for you.

I am thankful for everyone in my life.
I am thankful for every experience that has shown up in my life.
I am thankful for every blessing that has arrived to my life.
I am grateful I have my health and my home.
I am grateful for you.
So to everyone in my life thank you for the gift that is you.

You are never alone and I love you.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

You have what it takes! @nycnowrimo @NaNoWriMo #NaNoWriMo

Today I am reminding myself that I have ALL I NEED…

All that I need is inside of me…
I am at the halfway point of writing the Daughters of the Revolution and what I am discovering about this process is that once I am in… I am ALL IN! This story is consuming me in the most delicious way.  During the first week these characters did not let me sleep… there was even a moment where I cried myself to sleep because it was as if these characters wanted me to tell this story in one night…
PLAY WITH MYSELF… **meaning have fun with myself… it’s not that kind of party people!!!**
Today I will remember that I have what it takes…
Everything that I need is already in me. I release the idea that I am not good enough or that I don’t have what it takes… because I know that I do have what it takes… I am 30,442 words into my novel which tells me that I have MORE than what it takes.

For this knowing I am so grateful~
And so it is~

Friday, November 9, 2012

A movement in the making~ @nycnowrimo @NaNoWriMo #NaNoWriMo

It has been an amazing week... The Daughters of the Revolution is at 25,043 words... Worlds are being created... characters are taking form... this story is a movement in the making!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Seeing our writing, our craft... as OUR discipline~

Good Evening Writers,

We are three days away from beginning the Writing With Intention Workshop.

I have been thinking heavily about each of you and the kinds of stories you--WE MUST tell!

Writing is not easy. Committing to sit down everyday at the same time to write can be challenging. Preventing distractions and not allowing procrastination from taking over and consuming us is an art. Writing is a solitary act and requires discipline... not the kind of harsh discipline where we punish ourselves for not writing a certain scene or exploring a particular character. Its not the kind of discipline where we self-deprecate because we didn't finish our book this year.

The discipline I am talking about here is seeing our writing, our craft as OUR discipline... one where we understand that we are disciples of our craft.

Writing is our discipline~

Writing is very serious business and an incredible honor. There are those who believe that writing is frivolous and insignificant. This is simply not true. We are artists. Our craft.. our discipline is just as important at the chemist, the philosophers and great thinkers. We are historians, archeologists and anthropologists of the written word. This is what OUR discipline means to me.

We are writers perfecting our craft... we are perfecting our discipline.

As writers we must write because this is how we learn... this is how our discipline grows.
As writers we must write because this is how our stories get passed down.
As writers we must write because this is like breathing... it is the blood in our veins... the heartbeat of our chest.

Those who are disciplined writers understand that, "Writers Write! Writers write everyday. Great writers read the great writers."

This is what the Writing With Intention Workshop aims to achieve--we are honing our discipline! We are approaching the page as writers of our discipline.

I am very excited about where we will be taking our stories. The next six weeks are not solely to develop a story... we will be digging deep and discovering all of the secrets our stories want to tell us and some secrets we had no idea existed. This is what Writing With Intention is... it is writing with purpose, it is writing with direction, it writing with openness and clarity, it is writing without the inner critic, it is writing surrendering to the process, it is writing with patience, it is writing with LOVE and it is writing with INTENTION!

Writing With Intention begins this Sunday, November 11th at 3:00pm.

A gentle reminder that tomorrow is the last day to register for the workshop. Please let me know if you will be joining us so that I can add you to the message board--access to the file folder is by invitation.

To register:

I look forward to writing together.

Sending you peace, light and love,

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Write as if you only have six weeks... #writing #amwriting

Writing With Intention Workshop~

We are about to journey together into the depths of our souls. We are going to push past all kinds of discomfort in order to achieve our writing goals. We are going to WRITE WITH INTENTION! We will be spending six weeks really digging, writing as if we only have six weeks…

Our writing journey together begins this Sunday, November 11th at 3:00pm.

Our writing sessions will be from 3:00pm to 6:00pm every Sunday. (Block your calendars).

I welcome you to invite guests, women you know who will benefit from this writing experience and supportive community.

The last date to register is this Friday, November 9, 2012 at midnight.

There are two options:

(1) three payments of $120.00 (due 11/9, 11/14 and 11/21)

(1) full payment due before November 11th

Paypal link available at:

Date: First workshop: Sunday, November 4, 2012 3:00PM – 6:00PM

In your email please include the following:

Your name:

Once you are registered you will receive more details.

Writing with Intention – Fee: $360.00

~ 6 classes beginning on Nov. 11, 18, 25 and Dec. 2, 9, 16

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Marathon Reading of Work by Audre Lorde & Adrienne Rich

The Lesbian Herstory Archives Announces Marathon Reading of Work by Audre Lorde & Adrienne Rich  Nov. 17, 2012 Brooklyn, NY – The Lesbian Herstory Archives is pleased to announce a marathon reading in celebration of the legacy of Audre Lorde and Adrienne Rich, November 17, 2012, 12noon- 12midnight. 


 Full information is available online:

The date marks the year of Adrienne Richʼs death and the 20th anniversary of Audre Lordeʼs passing. This event honors the life and work of Lorde and Rich and the ongoing dialogue they shared. Their work and presence as poets, theorists, activists and teachers has inspired decades of anti-racist, feminist, and lesbian feminist thought and activism. Both Lorde and Rich were committed supporters of the Lesbian Herstory Archives, and the Archives hold many of their manuscripts, personal papers, oral histories, and photographs.
We invite participants to read from the work of Lorde and Rich, and to share their own responses, writing, and memories. Recordings of their speeches and the conversations they shared will be played, film footage will be shown, and images and objects from the Archives will be on display.

Co-sponsoring organizations and/or participants to date include:

Astraea Lesbian Foundation for Justice
Belladonna Series
Black Women's Blueprint
brooklyn boihood
Brooklyn College LGBTA
Callen Lorde Community Health Center
In the Flesh Magazine
Queer Memoir/Kelli Dunham
Rivers of Honey
SAGE: Senior Action in a Gay Environment
To honor Audre Lorde and Adrienne Rich's commitment to the Lesbian Herstory Archives we are making our own commitment to the Archives and ask others to join us. To contribute the fundraising campaign in support of the Marathon Reading and the work of the Lesbian Herstory Archives, please click below:

Audre Lorde (February 18, 1934 – November 17, 1992)
In one of her most often quoted essays, Lorde stated: “Those of us who stand outside the
circle of this society's definition of acceptable women; those of us who have been forged in
the crucibles of difference—those of us who are poor, who are lesbians, who are Black, who
are older—know that survival is not an academic skill…For the master's tools will never
dismantle the master's house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game,
but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change.”
When then-Governor Mario Cuomo named her New York Stateʼs Poet Laureate in 1991, he said of Lorde:

“Her imagination is charged by a sharp sense of racial injustice and cruelty, of sexual prejudice…She cries out against it as the voice of indignant humanity. Audre Lorde is the voice of the eloquent outsider who speaks in a language that can reach and touch people everywhere.”

Adrienne Rich (May 16, 1929 – March 27, 2012)
In a 1997 letter written to Jane Alexander, then-chair of the National Endowment for the Arts, after Rich refused to accept the National Medal for the Arts, Rich wrote: "There is no simple formula for the relationship of art to justice. But I do know that art—in my own case the art of poetry—means nothing if it simply decorates the dinner table of power which holds it hostage." Earlier, in her 1987 poem, Dreamwood, Rich wrote: "...she would recognize that poetry/isnʼt revolution but a way of knowing/why it must come."
The scholar Deborah Pope wrote of Rich: "There is no writer of comparable influence and achievement in so many areas of the contemporary women's movement as the poet and theorist Adrienne Rich. Over the years, hers has become one of the most eloquent, provocative voices on the politics of sexuality, race, language, power, and women's culture."
For interviews or additional information, please contact event organizers: Alexis Clements
(; Shawn(ta) Smith (; or Flavia Rando

The reading is open to the public, all are welcome. Reservations or registration are not required. Suggested donations will be collected at the door ($5-10), but no one will be turned away for lack of funds.
Date & Time: Saturday, November 17, 2012, from 12noon - 12midnight


Location: The Lesbian Herstory Archives, 484 14th Street, Brooklyn, New York 11215

Monday, November 5, 2012

#NaNoWriMo @NYCNoWriMo ~ Day 5

Writing With Intention Workshop

The Writing With Intention Workshop is a six week writing intensive. In this workshop we get down to the business of writing. Here you will receive writing prompts and exercises to push you further in your writing practice.

It is about Writing With Intention!

When we sit down at our computers or in front of our journals do we set an intention for what it is we would like to explore in our stories? Do we ask our characters where they would like to take us? Do we allow for the story to unfold in the way it is meant to? Have you learned the art of surrender?

In this workshop we will begin at the beginning exploring our writing styles and process, discovering and listening to our voice, surrendering and trusting the process, story structure, re-writes and all that it takes to arrive to completion.

It is about being clear about what we are here to do and getting right down to it! It’s about writing.

As we near the end of 2012, I understand that there are projects and ideas we would like to see manifested. I would be honored in supporting you in beginning or moving toward that thing you are dying to write. It’s about setting an INTENTION to move forward no matter what obstacles arise.

Nothing before this moment matters.

The intention for this workshop is to provide a sacred space for women to gather, create, share and write the stories we were born to tell.

To register please email me at:

Payment can be made on paypal:

Two payment options: (3 payments of $120.00) and (Full payment of $360.00)

First payment due by Friday, November 9th at midnight.

Writing with Intention

In your email please include the following:

Your name:

Once you are registered you will receive more details.

Writing with Intention – Fee: $360.00

~ 6 classes beginning on Nov. 11, 18, 25 and Dec. 2, 9, 16

Class will meet from 3:00pm to 6:00pm

Sunday, November 4, 2012


“On a yellow Post-it, he writes, “Dreamers can never be tamed,” and sticks it on the mirror next to the previous day’s “thought.” ~Aleph
In meditation this morning I heard the message: Sometimes we must go back in order to move forward.
While riding the train this morning I finished it!
I was finally done with it!
After spending two months reading it slowing and revisiting my past, my story, I finally finished it and as the doors opened on the 34th Street stop I cried a little. That was it. I was done. No more excuses. No more distractions. No more emergencies. No more procrastination. No more meditations. No more blogs.
I finally finished it!
Part of my morning practice and spiritual readings has been to re-read my memoir, Finding Your Force A Journey to Love. I wanted to go back and read the story that I have told myself. I wanted to look at the story I’ve been telling myself about who I am, what I deserve and all that I am capable of. I went back to the past to read the story I wrote so that I could be reminded of who I am today and all that I can do when I put my mind and soul to the task. I wrote a beautiful story. I completed my first book.
Now is the time I write a new story… THE STORY!
Then I arrived to Expansion Church and right on time, Rodney McKenzie says, “What have you been hiding from?"
He spoke a lot about how we hide from the things we are really meant to have and experience… living the lives we are destined to live.
I just listened because the truth sometimes can hurt and also the truth can feel so good. And besides, I HAVE BEEN HIDING!
He went on to speak about what the theme of the month would be… and I felt my entire body light up from the inside out!
This month he will be speaking on REVOLUTION!
At that point I was just sure he was calling me out… Rodney was challenging me to a duel. If it’s a REVOLUTION he wants… I AM READY!
As I sit here writing I am thinking about all the ways I have been hiding. Hiding behind my pen. Hiding behind these pages. Hiding behind a 40 Day Fast. Hiding behind my meditations.  And I didn’t need Rodney to say it in church… because I was well aware when I woke up this morning and finished my memoir on the train that I could no longer hide. When I woke up this morning I knew that today would be the last blog I would be posting for a while because I AM DONE HIDING!

So my target word count is 50,000 words by the end of November, an average of 1,667 words per day… I average that’s about four single spaced pages of writing… TOTALLY DOABLE…
I can do this!!!
I will do this!!!
This month I am completing the Daughters of the Revolution!
So to all of you who have been reading my words and following my process I THANK YOU! Thank you for the love, support and encouragement. Feel free to email me love at or just keep me in prayer.
This time I am going into hiding… but not from what I was born to do… but for the sole purpose of doing what I have been called to do—completing this EPIC NOVEL… The Daughters of the Revolution!
“I don’t know how to light the sacred fire, nor do I know the special prayer, and I can’t even find the place in the forest. All I can do is tell the story and hope that God will hear me.” Aleph
All I will do is TELL this beautiful story and I know it will be heard.
Today, I am being called to finish it.
Today, I am being called to know that I can do this.
Today, I will know that I was born to write this story.
Today, I will know that Spirit is always with me ~ for this knowing I am so grateful~
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Meet Cuban Activist: Norma Guillard

Join me this Saturday, November 10th @ 12:00pm for a film screening of Women and the Cuban Revolution!

NORMA GUILLARD joined the 1961 Cuban Literacy Campaign (the Campaign) when she was 15 years old. A social psychologist from Santiago de Cuba, she is one of the first Cuban women of her generation to call herself a feminist. She primarily works on the issues of gender, race, sexual orientation and issues of diversity and identity in a Cuban and Caribbean context. As a Cuban of African descent, Guillard has contributed much to the lively debates on race and racism in Cuba.

She is an adjunct professor at the University of Havana teaching psychology and gender, and a leader of the Cuban Association of Psychologists. She is also an Advisor to the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) and to the United Nations Development Program on the issue of gender in the prevention of HIV/AIDS. She is a principal collaborator at the National Center for the Prevention of AIDS and the National Center for Sex Education (known as CENESEX in Cuba), which spearheads work to educate against homophobia and to lobby for civil unions in Cuba. Additionally, she is one of the founders of “Oremi,” the first organization of lesbian and bisexual women in Cuba.

Guillard participated in the effort in Cuba to reprise playback theatre, an original form of improvisational theater in which audience or group members tell stories from their lives and watch them enacted on the spot. This type of theater is used to facilitate discussions about the impact of HIV/AIDS from the personal perspective of HIV positive people and their families.

Professor Guillard brings these issues to the social media field as well as the academic world, and has helped to produce several educational documentaries, including the celebrated film Living to the Limit by leading Cuban director Belkys Vega. Gulliard is widely published.

Read her article on Maestra! here:

Please join me in welcoming this incredibly powerful woman. We will be screening her documentary and having an intimate conversation with Norma Guillard about all of her work.

Event details:

Location: PRIVATE HOME (email for address)

Saturday, November 10th

Time: 12:00pm - 3:00pm

Suggested donation: $ 5.00 (all proceeds will go directly to Norma Guillard, visiting educator)

Lunch will be provided.

To rsvp and for home address please email:

Many blessings,

Meditation 60: Birth, Death and Rebirth ~

Day of the dead…

Last night, November 2nd marked the year celebration of Dia de los Muertos…

In honor of those who have died…
In honor of those who have left us…
In honor of our ancestors and loved ones who have transitioned…

Day of the Dead honors all those who have moved into their next life.

I am not feeling very well today. My body feels incredibly weak. I am not feeling particularly happy in this moment.

Perhaps it’s all the energy I am picking up on… people around me, people in my life… the pain of the world.

Where am I headed?

What does life really have in store for me in THE END?


This is what is coming up for me today in meditation… THE END!

There is such finality in—THE END!

She asked me to share with her what I was feeling. I told her that I had words on the tip of my tongue… two words.

She wanted to know what the two words were… actually she was badgering me to blurt it them out because she always wanted to know what was in my head because she never respected or understood that my process was/is to process.

So I gave her what she so desperately wanted to hear… my two words… THE END!

I wanted IT over. I wanted US over. We weren’t getting along. We no longer fit. The reasons for us meeting were foggy in that moment of fury.

It no longer mattered why we were together it was time for it to END… THE END!


Where do our loved ones go? Are they in a place called heaven? Are they in peace? Are they in paradise? Are they happy?


In that final moment before they left this place were they ready? Was Spirit waiting for them to crossover into the Kingdom? Or are we being called to find our way out of Hell and live in Heaven here on Earth… in the here and now?

Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~

Dear Alicia, someone I love died last night. I am incredibly sad and scared. What will I do now without my true friend? My box has been with me since the day I was born~ it has kept me from harms way so many times~ now I must to learn to live without it~ You’ve been here for me through thick and thin~ It’s extremely sad to leave you~ You were the one constant in my life~ You were the one I could rely on~ You were the one who never failed me~ You were the one who never disappointed me~ You were the one who had my back… ride or die~

I never thought you would leave me~ But you have left me~ you're gone~ When those girls jumped me and had my hair wrapped around that pole you and my brother were there~ When men broke my heart you were there~ When women broke my heart you were there~ When I was hurting you made me smile and you were always there~ When I was hit you healed my wounds and you were there~ When I cried you wiped away my tears and you were there~ For every happy moment you were there~ For every sad moment you were there~ For everything you were there~ In my most scary moments you were there~ During the worst of my "learned errors" you were there~ When life seemed difficult you were there~ When I didn't believe in me you were there~ When my 4th grade teacher made fun of me you were there~ When I was lonely you were there~ When I was scared you were there~ When I was in pain you were there~ A part of me wants to hold onto you but I know I can't~ I must let you go~ You will always be apart of me I will never forget you~ I thank you for all you have brought me – goodbye dear friend – may you rest in peace~ May “the force be with you!”

Cielo finally shared with me the story about the moment she lost her voice.

I didn’t speak because I was afraid that no one would love me… that no one would listen. I was afraid to be in this place alone. I wanted to feel valued, valuable and worthy. I wanted to feel worthy of love. What would it feel like if I were in this place alone? There was something I was resisting. I was afraid of speaking up and speaking out. I am ready to fight for what I believe in now. I am prepared to fight for all the injustices. Why did I lock my voice in that box? I didn’t like the sound of my voice. What would happen if I let my voice in? It would be deafening? My voice would be beautifilled. My voice is full of love, truth and honor. What does my voice sound like? What does it feel like? It’s moving. It inspires. It is a great force. It is hope, strength and power. My voice speaks for those who are silent, full of pain and invisible. Allowing my voice in has made me unstoppable. My life is transformed. Voice is my FORCE and we are invincible.



My memoir, Finding Your Force, is divided into three parts: Birth, Death and Rebirth. I intentionally chose them as headings because I have gone through the cycles many times in this lifetime and I am sure millions of times in past lives.

BIRTH is just that… about the many births of ALICIA and the beautiful daughter I have brought into this world in addition to the many projects I have given birth to.

Then there is DEATH… after moving through the breakdowns, the depression, the sadness, the grief, and the loss… once I understood what ENDINGS really mean for me I can anticipate with excitement that every perceived loss or ending is in a fact a new beginning and I look forward to its coming.

And finally, REBIRTH… this is where I get to begin again… I get to do it again… I get to do it differently… in rebirth the cycle begins again. New beginnings… new start… fresh perspective.

As I begin this day I call forth all things that do not serve me to DIE in me and I ask Spirit to BIRTH new forms of being and I am so excited at its coming.

Today, I am being called to acknowledge the death of things that no longer serve me.
Today, I will know that I am birthing new projects, ideas and a life filled with love, peace, happiness, abundance and joy.
Today, I allow the old to die.
Today, I am ordering my life and readying it for all the wonderful blessings that are coming to me.
~ For this knowing I am so grateful~
Today, I honor my ancestors, my guardian angels and Spirit Guides and thank the all for always protecting me.
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

Friday, November 2, 2012

Meditation 59: We will never be whole people unless we integrate~

It’s not going to work if you don’t believe…
This is one of my favorite lines in Finding Neverland, when Johnny Depp says to the young Peter, It’s not going to work if you don’t believe…
“Life fills all space and Spirit animates every form. It is this Spirit in you, as you, which is the true actor in everything you do, but since you are an individual, even the Spirit can not make the gift of Life unless you accept it. Life may have given everything to you but only that which you accept is yours to use. There are many who will doubt this. Only to those who have believed has the proof come.” This Thing Called You
This is the word I am meditating on today…
How can I integrate all that I have learned into my daily living?
How can I integrate these teachings in my interactions with the others and in the world?
I am thinking a lot about my spiritual practice and the things that I have learned and have yet to learn.
There is so much that comes up during meditation… a complete LIFE LIST of things to do. Worry comes up… Doubt comes up… Shame comes up… Regret comes up… Fear comes up… Shopping lists come up… Bills come up… Bank statements come up…
And then I remember that I am being called to not allow those thoughts in…
I remind myself that all that I need is here.
I remind myself that I have ALL that I need.
I have to constantly remind myself of this truth; that even though I may not always see it… I am always being provided for, protected and guided and that the universe IS always working in my favor.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love:

I remembered an argument you and I had several years ago about integration. We had quite the debate in our home. You were on the verge of tears. I was making you so angry. It got to a point where I actually said, “You know what I'm against integration!"

"Mom, tell me you're not really against integration?"

Our argument was about a blog post I read about the TV network BET. The writer believed that BET should not have a separate channel. That it was sending messages of being all for ONE race and not inclusive of other races. That having there own network was perpetuating segregation. So I brought up Univision. I asked you what you thought of Latino's having our own channels. You told me you were ok with it. My response was, “so if you’re not ok with BET then you must be against the Spanish speaking networks?”

"It's different!” you said.

“How is it different?”

You talked about catering to a community who didn't understand the language… my rebuttal: “aaaaah but what's good for one is good for all.” I had to explain to you why I was absolutely ALL FOR Univision and BET having their OWN networks. We continued this long conversation about integration. “Lets look at the major networks (and not the token Latina, Black or Asian correspondent). Let’s look at how we people of color… are represented in the media (and please let’s leave out Ugly Betty for a moment that just happened yesterday). When you put people in a box separate from the majority… the people who are in the box are going to protect their own. We've always been in a box. On the outside, yeah a few of us have gotten out of the box and grabbed some crumbs on the way up the ladder, "passing for" whatever it is a person needs to pass for…to get ahead. I understand why it is we have had to create our own larger boxes on Univision & BET when we see that ABC, NBC and CBS aren't true representations of the people who live here in this country. Those of us in our little boxes have to create our own outlets, our own labels, start our own companies. Lets be serious… turn on the TV not much has changed. I completely support us and by us yes I AM talking about people of color… we must DO US… because waiting around for someone to give us crumbs will keep us hungry. IF YOU CAN’T FIND IT – BUILD IT!

You then asked me, "Mom lets pretend you're Jewish, you live in Israel, you read the torah. And in your bible you are told that the holy land is YOUR land. You are the chosen. What would you do?" Of course you were asking me how I would resolve the conflict between the Israeli and Palestinian people. You continued, "And the Palestinian's feel that it's their land because they were living there first. What's the peaceful solution to this problem?"

I must say you left me with my mouth open. I didn’t know how to respond to that. You stumped me. All my thoughts were going to come from the place of survivor mode. I wanted to stand in my fighter's stance. My initial thoughts were to protect my own. My response was going to come from the mind of a broken/wounded girl, who's a lion protecting her cub, from a community who has been stripped from those who would like to keep us stripped of our culture, our music, our history and on and on… but I needed to get back to your example and question.

“Ok! I’m a Jewish woman raised with the belief that the holy land is MY LAND. And I will do EVERYTHING including murder to take it… and I'm getting this from a bible. OK I have to say baby girl you pose a REALLY GREAT question. How do I resolve this conflict?”

After thinking about a response that would satisfy you I finally said, “I wouldn't have gone in and taken the land. I wouldn’t murder the people who were already there. I would have wanted to live there amongst them. I would have respected their space, their land, their customs, their community, their traditions and their religion. I would have welcomed what they bring. I would have understood that I am COMING TO THEIR HOUSE… I would have come in PEACE! I would have shared the land.”

And of course we got into it – the religious issue and the years of war. Finally after feeling defeated you said, "We will never be a whole people - - unless we integrate!"

I tried to bring you back to the topic at hand, which was BET and the only thing I could say to you was, “I know you don't like it. I know you wish things were different. Think about it… if Blacks and Latino's aren't being represented and are being kept from have their messages heard, their movies out, their books published then we MUST do it for ourselves.” You wanted to explode…and finally you just said, "we must get off our ASSES and do something to change it… it's not right!!!"

I was never more proud of you than in that moment. You stood up to me. You stood your ground. You held firm to your position. I was quite impressed. I had to give it to you… you didn't back down for a moment. You held on. Nothing could sway you. The fact that you choose, "Unity & Integration" to be your personal mission makes me proud. In that moment I knew I was raising a leader. I saw something in your eyes… a fire, strength and healthy rage. You have found your purpose, or one of your purposes… keep that fire burning little girl… you have found your mission. Give it your all and know that I got your back!

Where do I stand on integration? I feel that it's idealistic – NOT impossible – idealistic. I think it's very necessary. We have been living a way that doesn't work for too long.

Finally, you just looked at me exhausted after over an hour of conversation and you surrendered saying, "Mommy you're not really against integration? That's just one more person I need TO convince." My reply,
"No sweetie – I'm not against integration its just that right now I'm embracing who I AM, where I COME
FROM and the beautiful history that's interweaved in my veins. I am discovering and honoring my Latino/Black roots. That’s just where I am at - - but I'll get there. I believe that we will get there–with patience, understanding, peace, acceptance and love. In the meantime, get off your ass!” ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon.

Today I am being called to look at INTEGRATION…
Integrating what I am learning everyday. Integrating teachings into my everyday life, being able to detach from this world and really live. I am being called to truly BELIEVE in all that I am calling forth… I am being called to believe in my Spirit Space. I am being called to believe in me.
While I was meditating I saw this woman… she was from Egypt. An Egyptian Queen who wrote poetry. All the men loved her and the women… well…
Her beauty was beyond comparison…
Writing fiction…
Creating this world…
This is what I am thinking about today. Writing my fiction novel, the Daughters of the Revolution and taking everything that I’ve learning and integrating it into this story.
My mind is strong, but my body is weak…
I don’t want to do anything and I want to do everything all at the same time.
Creating characters…
Creating believable characters…
People we know… people we will love… people we will hate…
Creating a believable story and this incredible world using fiction.
This is what I am calling forth… holding my spiritual teachings while at the same time having fun in my made up world.

“You mean that you, a man who believes in parallel worlds and in the eternity of the present moment, feel absolutely nothing?” I feel tempted to tell him that what brought me to Russia in the first place was a conversation with J. about precisely that, my ability to connect with my spiritual side. Except that this is no longer true. Since I left London, I’ve been a different person, feeling calm and happy on my journey back to my kingdom and my soul.” ~ Aleph

Today, I am being called to play.
Today, I am being called to trust the writer’s process.
Today, I am being called to trust in my abilities.
Today, I am being called to just write the story.
Today, I am being called to release all fear…
Today, I will know that I am gifted and talented and this story is waiting for me to tell it.
~ For this knowing I am so grateful~
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012