Friday, December 30, 2011

Meditation 17: One day you will know what to do and you will BEGIN!

“One day you knew what you had to do to begin and you began!”

Do you know what its time to walk towards?

For me the answer is… I am walking towards my GREATNESS because that is where my greatest work resides.

How can we learn the lessons from the experiences of others?


Take the best of them and return to ourselves.

Do you think people choose to be alone? Today that’s what I am thinking about. I am thinking about the people who MUST isolate themselves in order TO GET IT DONE! In order to get things done. Whether that’s finish a book, write a song, have their play on Broadway… there are things that must be done in solitude in order to realize your dreams. Most people will never dare devote themselves to their cause.

So YES… I AM GOING there and using the “J” word! Whether you believe in him or not!

Even Jesus Christ was ostracized and left out there alone. He had a journey to walk and he walked it alone. No one took that walk for him or with him. Jesus was here to do something and he didn’t leave until he completed the task. Jesus was kicked. He was stoned and spat on. One of his disciples even denied knowing him. Another betrayed him. But he kept walking – he had something to do and he put his life on the line. Are we willing to DIE FOR WHAT WE WANT! Do we want it THAT BADLY?

What is the ONE THING you know you must do?

Do you know what it is time to walk towards?

That’s what I am meditating on… the things that I MUST DO to arrive to where I am destined to be. I AM coming back to myself. I am returning home!

For a while I was feeling like I’ve been running from something. Now I’m running towards something. AND YES I AM WILLING TO DIE TO HAVE ALL I DESIRE!

Some people, places and things MUST BE AVOIDED for healing to happen~

This is why I isolate myself. I isolate myself for healing to happen. There are toxic people out there in the world. There are people who do not have our best interest at heart. There are people who do not have the best of intentions and these are the people we must let go. The only thing we are running out of - - is time! We must begin what we were born to do NOW! We must become who we were born to be--NOW! We must begin NOW! It doesn’t matter that it’s December 30, 2011—start today!

“No more time for getting it wrong, no more time for playing it small, you must focus on exactly what you want to do and exactly who you need to be.” Age in Miracles, Marianne Williamson

In October, I had a book reading at Bowdoin College in Maine where I spent time with students talking about culture and identity and the things that shape us. So much has been rising for me with this book tour. It’s as if I am reliving moments from my past over and over again as I read the words from the book out loud. I felt exposed in a way I wasn’t really prepared for. A professor at Bowdoin talked a little about this new midlife and so I started reading a book recently titled: “The age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife,” in hopes that I would gain some insight into all I’ve been feeling lately.

Over the years I have written 1000 of pages of blogs. I have filled close to 70 journals with my writing and have shared my personal story in every possible way. Yet today I am living a new story… I am starting a new chapter. I am entering my “midlife.” And this new story requires a deeper digging that I wasn’t ready for.

So lets walk… today is a new day. It’s an opportunity for me to begin again… I am open to the miracles that are coming today…

I will always remember that one day I knew what I had to do and I began~ and for that knowing I am so grateful. And so it is~

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ by Mary Oliver ~


I AFFIRM: Today I know what I must do… and I will begin.


Peace, light and LOVE~

Meditation 16: Lesson Learned!

Today I am meditating on the question: How do you get in your own way?

So I asked myself: How do I get in my own way? How have I created blocks that have kept me from living my purpose?

This is my greatest lesson… here is where I discover the truth found in the darkness. This has been the foundation of me being stuck. This is my… AHA! Moment!

I read yesterday that we are always in a cycle. We will keep getting the same lessons until we get it right and this knowing alone has me smiling because there are just some lessons I have no desire to repeat.

What have I learned? What are the lessons for me in this experience?

For each of us the answers to these questions will be different. The lessons will appear in crazy ways. For me… my lessons are always brutal. My lessons tend to be quite painful but nevertheless so important for my learning and the only way I ever make any sense of it is by getting still. That’s the lesson I learned. When I begin to question or feel confused… all I need to do is get still. Getting still isn’t just some corny meditation… it’s really about being with oneself… it’s turning within and getting quiet so we can tune into what the internal messages are. Our bodies will always tell us what it needs.

Anytime I’d feel progress or good things were happening in my life I would self – sabotage and retreat to moments where I felt I wasn’t worthy. I would push my good away. That’s what had me so sad—-that so many beautiful things have arrived to my life and I would push my happiness away. All the old feelings would rise. Unwelcomed demons from my past would show up and I would just invite them into my space, feed them dinner and allow for my joy to slip from me. I was doing this for quite a few months after my book launched.

“Spiritual power isn’t given to us it has to be earned. And it is often earned through suffering.” Marianne Williamson


But today I am done with that -- lesson learned. I am living from a more truthful place and the truth is the universe wants me to succeed. The truth is I will succeed. The truth is the universe supports me in all that I am doing and I accept. The truth is I deserve to be happy. The truth is I am divinely favored and loved!

I AFFIRM:


I allow for goodness to come to me~
I am living from a more truthful place and the truth is the universe wants me to succeed.
The truth is I will succeed.
The universe supports me in all that I am doing.
The truth is I am here to serve.
The truth is I am alive and so happy to be here.
I call forth all the good the Divine has for me.
When thoughts of self-sabotage arise I push them away and remember who I am.
The truth is light shines all around me~
And so it is~

Peace, light and LOVE~

Meditation 15: Get out of your own way!

Journal Entry: November 10, 2011

Today is a beautiful day. I woke up at 5:00am and the first thought on my mind was my upcoming book tour.

I am so happy to be starting a new journal today.

Something has had me stuck and unable to move on. I have been holding onto chains of my past that were keeping me imprisoned. Life is a cycle and the same things will happen over and over again until I get them right. I have heard this on more than one occasion, that until we learn the lesson we will continue to go through similar experiences. (Basically, we will continue to go through the same shit until we get it right!)

This darkness that rises for me… feels different everyday. What I have come to understand is that there is something I must learn. There is a truth to be found in the darkness. This feeling that I deserve to live in my past or that I should continue to be punished for the person that people believed me to be then whether or not it was true~ IS JUST NOT the truth of who I am.

This has been a constant internal battle with a demon that doesn’t want me to be happy. My God is stronger than any demon. My force is mightier than any person. My spirit guides will win every battle over any darkness ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. I don’t have to be afraid because I will win this war… I have already won. I am coming out of darkness as we speak. My force has come right in and saved me as she always does. She loves me and wants nothing but the best for me. She always reminds me that she is sitting right here – right next to me and she will never allow anyone or anything to hurt me. (I love you Courtney).

As the sun is beginning to rise today I am feeling so strong. The sky is clear. The light is shining through my windows… it is so bright. It feels like a summer day in my apartment and I am so happy in this moment.

I AFFIRM: Today, I am getting out of my own way. Today, I know my force has never abandoned me. Today, I know that I am never alone. And so it is!


Peace, light and LOVE

Meditation 14: Chosen at birth~

Journal Entry: Wednesday, November 9th

Mother God is birthing though me!

At every moment I am being renewed, revitalized everything I need is already here. I am going through some birthing pains. I am giving birth and releasing this post partum depression.

During my meditation today I realized that I have been going though labor pains for quite a while. These labor pains came immediately after giving birth to my first book “Finding Your Force!”

So much has come up for me. So many unexpected things have risen for me. This overwhelming feeling that I am nowhere near where I should be or that I have somehow failed.

What I forget is that I am like a newborn child giving birth to a mother and this postpartum depression that I have been suffering from has been paralyzing me. I have forgotten who I am and I have forgotten why it is that I have been chosen to do this.

Just as my daughter chose me to be her mother, my creator has chosen me to live a life of continued birthing and creating.

That’s what this writing is for me—the birthing of new. That’s what my spiritual practice is about… it’s my journey towards constant giving birth and going this renewal process over and over again of death and rebirth. It is all part of my life cycle… and so this postpartum depression comes along with it.

So as I die to the old me… I welcome the new me. And I thank Mother God for birthing through me right now and I welcome you.

I am so much stronger now… yet there are just a few more things I need to learn.

I AFFIRM:

As the old me dies, the new me I am giving birth to is absolutely beautiful~
Allow me to be renewed~
Allow me to be a temple~
Allow me to walk with grace~
Allow me to walk with love and in love~
And so it is

Meditation 13: The best is yet to come!

Journal entry: November 7, 2011

The time to begin is now. A few things jumped out for me during meditation. The first realization was after my yoga session when I realized that I was giving my back to my altar and spirit guides, rather than facing them and giving thanks during my process.

It was as if had turned my back on them. I had forgotten where to turn to for the strength I needed. I forgot that I could always return home. That God, the universe, my creator, my force, (whatever you feel comfortable calling it) has been waiting for me.

As I let my light shine… I don’t need to fear my light.

Creator, show me how to use my light.
Creator, show me how to walk with my light.
Creator, reveal to me who I am.
Today, as I begin this day, I am walking in my greatness.
I am walking in my greatness.
I am walking in my greatness.
I don’t fear my light.
I don’t fear my light.
I don’t fear my light.
I don’t fear my greatness.
I walk without fear.
I know that I am loved.
I am discovering the truth of who I am.

The truth is… I am powerful beyond measure.
The truth is I have gifts that have yet to be revealed.


Today I trust that all that is meant for me is coming.
Today I believe that God gives me lessons because she knows I can handle it.
For this knowing I am so grateful. And so it is.

I AFFIRM: The truth is I have gifts that have yet to be revealed. Today I trust that all that is meant for me is coming. The truth is I am powerful beyond measure.

Peace, light and LOVE~

Meditation 12: I AM WORTHY!

Depression can be incredibly debilitating and draining. These last few months of the year are depressing for many people. We begin to think about the people who are no longer with us. We begin to think about all the promises we have made that we have not kept during the year. We begin to beat ourselves up for unfilled goals and dreams unlived. Or if you are anything like me even the things that we did accomplish don’t seem to be enough.

As 2011 comes to an end I am clearing out the old to make room for the new and that includes people and things that contribute to causing me any pain.



Journal Entry: November 7, 2011

I made her a promise that I would always find a way to be better. I promised her that I would always be here for her. So today I am fighting for my life and I am not waiting for anyone to come in and save me. Today, I am saving myself.

Incredible change rises for me during the month of October. October has always been a month of revelation and rebirth. It’s as if the old me dies so that the new me can be born. As I began reading my old journal I noticed some things. I noticed that I started that journal in June 2011. I have never spent six months in one journal. I had been stuck for many months. There were months were I wrote nothing. I didn’t realize I had stopped writing. As I went back and read the pages I went back in time. I went back to see who I was then so that I could understand who I am today.

Reliving my pain has been liberating, fuck liberating that’s not the right word. This process has been NECESSARY!

What I discovered through my writing was that I was self-sabotaging again. Self-sabotage is a form of self-mutilation. Have you ever done that do yourself—cut yourself down and beat yourself up? Have you ever had so much GOOD enter your life at the same time that you don’t know whether to push it away because you believe that you don’t deserve it? Or do you hold onto ALL the goodness that has arrived and say, “HELL YEAH I deserve all of this and more. I AM worthy of all of this!

I chose to push my good away after all that of the blessings that I had received… pushing my goodness away after every confirmation told me that I was on the right track! My past seemed to haunt me. It was creeping up on me again. All of the old words about me not being worthy of ALL THIS GOOD returned.

It has taken me weeks to remind myself that I am here for a reason and that all of this pain is ALL part of that reason. What I needed to understand was that I was being called to sit in it.

All of that sadness… was ALICIA in mourning~

I am mourning~
I am in the middle of my death and rebirth~
I am dealing with my post partum depression and rising from the ashes~
I understand that everything happens in DIVINE ORDER~


I AFFIRM: This moment is all I have~ Who I am in this moment is who I truly am~ With every thought I am recreating my life. I am rewriting my story~

and so it is~

Sending you peace, light and LOVE~

Meditation 11: You can be powerful or pitiful!

Journal entry: November 8, 2011

As much as men have hurt me I think it’s the relationships with women that have hurt me the most. I’ve always wanted to feel respected by women. This friend didn’t respect me. She pitied me. She felt sorry for me. But I am powerful beyond measure. I am tired of playing my strength down. I was born for greatness. I am here to do great things. I am powerful beyond measure. I guess I have felt like I have something to prove… this intense need to prove how good I am… to prove how loving I am. Prove how true I am. Prove how loyal I am. Prove how much of a good student I am. I have nothing to prove to you or anyone else.

The truth is I have already shown myself who I am. The truth is I have already shown myself what I can do. The truth is I have already shown myself who I am. The truth is I am powerful beyond measure.

My head feels a little lighter… a little clearer. My heart feels more open. I am beginning to feel again. I am beginning to heal again. I am beginning to fill myself again.

Creator, I am so grateful there is great insight happening right now. Yesterday I felt that this journal was bad luck. I felt like this journal was keeping me from writing because I started writing in this journal in June. For six months I have been stuck… with nowhere to go. That’s what this journal has felt like for me… this journey has felt like movement NOWHERE – this journey of six months being stuck and finally I am beginning to feel free as if something is finally being unlocked. A demon is being exercised from my body. I CAN breathe… I take a deep breath and in this moment I smile because I am on to something and my heart feels like it’s beating a little bit faster. My heart felt like it had stopped beating as if my blood had stopped flowing. I was a walking corpse and I smile because I feel myself entering my body again and I feel amazing. For this knowing – for this growing I am eternally grateful. And so it is~ amen~ ache

I AFFIRM: I can choose to be powerful or pitiful. I can not be both. I choose to be powerful!

The final 42 hours~














As my campaign comes to a close so is 2011. This is what I am thinking about this morning 2011 coming to an end. As this year ends I am thinking about all that I have done this year and all that I have been through. There were moments of sadness but incredible moments of joy. I visited Argentina, Uruguay, and Bogota, Colombia. My play I WAS BORN came in third place in the ONE Festival. The Afrolatinos documentary series is just moments away from being seen on TV. And with all of that… the blessings continue to pour in… I have written and published my first book, Finding Your Force.

I am grateful to all of you for supporting me and showing me love. I am very excited about this next phase of my writer’s life. Beginning what will be the most incredible book tour in January. There is still time to donate. Any offering is appreciated.



My wish for you in 2012 is that you find your joy! That you live each moment doing what it is you love. That you have people around you who lift you, love you and want the very best for you. May you share your gifts with the world because you were born to serve!


Sending you light and love always, Alicia


Visit Afrolatinos: WWW.AFROLATINOS.TV

Friday, December 23, 2011

Author, Alicia Anabel Santos, Finding Your Force, New York Times Book Review and Bestseller!



Dear Universe,

Thank you for bringing me a New York Times Book Review~ ask and you shall receive. Ache!

I am writing because only you know how badly I want this. Only you know how hard I have worked for this. Only you know how much pain I have endured to get to where I am today. Only you know all of the moments of tremendous achievement I have lived through to become the woman I am today. I am so grateful for every experience I have had in my life. I am grateful for all of the people you have sent my way who have served as guides, teachers and angels in my life. Today I petition you to bring me what is rightfully mine. Today I ask you to continue to bless me with all that I deserve. I am your servant. I am your child. And today I ask you to bring me not just one book review but MANY! Today I ask you to bring Finding Your Force a Journey to Love a NEW YORK TIMES book review! And so it is~

I have sent copies of Finding Your Force a Journey to Love to over 60 publications throughout the United States for review. I hope each copy was received with all the love sent. Please give me this.

1. Akron Beacon Journal / Ohio.com
2. Albuquerque Journal
3. AMNew York
4. Boston Herald
5. Boston Magazine
6. Chicago Tribune
7. Curve Magazine 

8. Daily News
9. Dallas Voice
10. Delaware Gazette
11. Detroit Metro Times
12. Edge Dallas
13. Edge New York City
14. El Diario La Prensa
15. ESSENCE
16. Fenuxe
17. Frontiers in L.A. Magazine
18. GLAMOUR
19. GO Magazine
20. Hoy Nueva York
21. Inquirer, Philly
22. L Style G Style Magazine
23. LA WEEKLY
24. LATINA MAGAZINE
25. Los Angeles Daily News
26. Los Angeles Times
27. Maine today
28. Memphis Daily News
29. Metro Weekly
30. MORE
31. MS.MAGAZINE
32. New Haven Register
33. New York Magazine
34. New York Post
35. Next Magazine
36. Oprah Magazine
37. Out Magazine
38. Philly Daily News
39. Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
40. Poets & Writers, Inc.
41. Portland Phoenix
42. Portland Tribune
43. Publishers Weekly
44. San Francisco Chronicle
45. Seattle Gay News
46. Seattle Weekly
47. SheWired
48. Sun Sentinel
49. The Advocate
50. The Austin Chronicle

51. The Boston Globe
52. The Dallas Morning News
53. The Grand Rapids Press
54. The Miami Herald
55. The New York Times
56. The Oregonian
57. The Portland Press Herald
58. The Providence Journal

59. The Santa Fe New Mexican
60. The Seattle Times
61. Twit Magazine
62. Village Voice
63. Washington Post

If there are bloggers, writers or editors who would like to review Finding Your Force a Journey to Love please email: findingyourforce@gmail.com I hope you will consider writing about this campaign, my tour and Finding Your Force!
If you have suggestions for publications I should send a copy of my book to please send it my way. Also, this is a call to all book clubs, please send me your email I would be happy to send you a copy of the FYF ebook and we can discuss discounts for orders of 10 or more.

Only nine days left~ Please support my indiegogo campaign to reach as many cities as possible. Any amount helps~ please forward to everyone. I am excited about this tour and will be documenting every step of the way. Thank you for all the love and support.

Peace, light and LOVE~
ALWAYS~ Alicia


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays~ ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE~


For those of you who have never visited my blog or read my work. WELCOME TO FINDING YOUR FORCE~

I am writing to introduce myself and share news of the completion of my first book titled Finding Your Force a Journey to Love.

Finding Your Force is a memoir written in the form of a love letter to my daughter. It is a story of survival from the darkest moments a human being must grow through in order to become the person they were born to be. FYF is filled with letters addressing people from my past who have hurt me, those I must forgive in order to move on and those I need forgiveness from. There are universal truths that connect the reader to my story. They might not have dealt with the trauma I describe in this book but in many ways the reader will find their own story.

What readers are saying:

“Finding Your Force is Alicia Anabel Santos' brutally honest love letter to her daughter. She depicts the lowest points of her life without making apologies for her mistakes and finds love for herself, her scars and her journey to finding inner strength. Santos frames her memoir with affirmations, prayers, letters, song lyrics and poetry, all relevant to the pain and healing she experienced. Fearlessly, she admits who she was and is today to her daughter and to the world. From physical abuse, rape, alcoholism, and loss surges a woman full of determination, light, will and rebirth. The emotional charge set in this memoir takes the reader from darkness to light and celebrates all of Santos' strides to being a true force. To conclude her book she writes to her daughter," My FORCE is bigger than my problems and there is nothing my God can't handle. These words, my writing...this is my gift to you." She has given all of her readers a gift. Thank you for this brave gift.” Peggy Robles- Alvarado, Author of Conversations With My Skin



Because I am not with a large publishing house and have self-published this book, this is where I need the help of community to get the word out. I am the sales, PR and marketing team.

Finding Your Force is a memoir about how one falls over and over again and still finds the strength to get back up. This is a story about how even in the scariest, darkest moments of ones life… when you feel that all hope is lost… light shines to show you that you can still keep moving… that you must keep going… that there is more to learn and that that we must never give up… we must never stop believing… we must never stop fighting. But mostly Finding Your Force a Journey to Love is a book about living life to the fullest regardless of rules and expectations set by everyone else. Finding Your Force is about how one finds their force within because it has always been there. Your force is waiting for you find it! Finding Your Force is about realizing ones potential and never taking NO for an answer.

I will be beginning my 20 City Tour when I return to the United States in January. I am open to adding more cities to the list. Help bring me to your city! Please spread the word, share with press, media and local newspapers.

Help me get on the New York Times bestsellers list and on Oprah’s Book Club~

Any amount will help. $5, $10, $100~ Please support my campaign. Indiegogo: 20 City Tour~




Website~ Finding Your Force: http://findingyourforce.blogspot.com/

I believe that ALL IS POSSIBLE~

Ache~

Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

Sunday, December 18, 2011

HOLIDAY SPECIAL~

Finding Your Force a Journey to Love is the perfect gift to share with those you love. Great as a stocking stuffer or for Secret Santa.

There are so many issues that affect us all fear of success, discovering your purpose, forgiveness, faith, love, pain and darkness. This book is for women, men, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters. A great read to be discussed at book clubs. Finding Your Force is powerful and raw. A true story of how one rises from the ashes STRONG!

What readers are saying:

"It takes a warrior to survive abuse of any kind.It takes bravery to show your scars to the world and self confidence to acknowledge the beauty of sculpted wounds. It takes strength to heal. In this Memoir Alicia Anabel Santos takes you on a harrowing journey of self destruction and pain, leaving no stone unturned, she faces her truth with dignity. In a series of letters written over a ten year period, Anabel-Santos addresses the people who have affected her life the most. Many of these letters are painful to read but significant in excavating the hurt and rebuilding the foundation. This is a tale of hope, redemption, self love and positive affirmations. A legacy of survival, from Mother to Daughter." ~Amazon Review

Order (2) two copies of Finding Your Force a Journey to Love for $30.00 (reg. $20 ea.)

Place order by Dec. 21st in order to receive by Christmas. (2) for $30 offer is good until midnight December 31, 2011~






Holiday Special






Wishing you a wonderful holiday season!

Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

You're wasting your potential!

Good morning everyone~

I am writing from Bogota, Colombia. I will be here for a month working on my historical fiction novel, “The Daughters of the Revolution” and working on the Afrolatinos documentary—we are getting so close to the finish line.

“You’re living a fantasy!”
“Get a real job!”
“Stop dreaming—dreams don’t come true!”
“You will never make any money writing!”
“You’re wasting your time!”
“You’re flying but I can’t see it!”
“You’re too old!”
“You’re wasting your potential!”
“Stability—your art can’t pay the rent!”

I can’t tell you how many variations of those words I have heard by countless people throughout my life. When I first realized I was a writer my parents and immediate family didn’t get it… they didn’t support my dream… they didn’t get why I could no longer hang at their houses every weekend… they were disappointed that I stopped looking for the family… the phone calls got lesser and lesser… they never understood how important it was for me to 1) finally realize and discover that I was born to write… and 2) take the necessary steps in the direction of fulfilling my dream.

The comments I constantly heard about chasing my dream was that it was a total IMPOSSIBILITY… completely unachievable, unattainable and unrealistic.

There were a lot of people in my life who constantly told me that I wouldn’t be able to do this and that I was wasting my time. One person actually told me that no one would ever read my story because I didn’t have an interesting story to tell. It has taken me many years to push past all of that negative “real talk” they thought they were feeding me and say to them, YOU KNOW WHAT… I don’t need you to believe in me… because I believe in me.

Not only is my story interesting it’s an important story to tell… and I haven’t stopped writing it. I am dedicated to my craft and will write until my last breath. And so to all those who didn’t believe in me I say I forgive you and thank you… your doubt lit a fire that will never burn out… I will continue writing~

Once I return to the states the kick off of this 20 city tour begins… this is the point during the campaign where I can begin to feel discouraged believing that I won’t make it to the finish line and that if I don’t make my goal it is somehow a reflection of me and my work. I don’t believe this. I have raised $87 so far and every amount helps. I have over (280) copies of my book being read as we speak and I still have a long way to go but I am patient.

There are 18 days left in my campaign and today I am praying for a miracle. I am praying that angels see my hard work and dedication. I am praying that the universe brings forth those people or person who can help make my dream come true. We all need people who believe in our potential and are rooting for us to get to the finish line. I know I will succeed because I must.

Finding Your Force is a memoir about how one falls over and over again and still finds the strength to get back up. This is a story about how even in the scariest, darkest moments of ones life… when you feel that all hope is lost… light shines to show you that you can still keep moving… that you must keep going… that there is more to learn and that that we must never give up… we must never stop believing… we must never stop fighting. But mostly Finding Your Force a Journey to Love is a book about living life to the fullest regardless of rules and expectations set by everyone else. Finding Your Force is about how one finds their force within because it has always been there. Your force is waiting for you find it! Finding Your Force is about realizing ones potential and never taking NO for an answer.

And so for today

I will not worry about the amount raised or whether or not I have reached my goal. Today I give thanks to those who have donated. I am so grateful to those who have retweeted and posted my links on their facebook and I am so thankful to all those who constantly show me love and support.

Please continue to spread the word about my campaign to reach 20 cities in two months~ together we can do this! Todo es posible~ Ache~

Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia


Click link to donate to my indiegogo 20 City Tour Campaign~

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Why I WRITE~

I woke up this morning thinking about why I write. I didn’t always know that I was born to write. It took me a long time to get here. I was doing everything but writing. I was in relationships that didn’t serve me. I was doing work that didn’t fulfill me. And I was just doing all the necessary things we do to just get by.
Until September 11th~

Excerpt from Finding Your Force:

After September 11th happened, I felt this urgency to get my life together. I had turned 30 years old two months prior. When those planes came down I became desperate. I was experiencing this sense of urgency. It was a matter of life and death for me to get it together. I started questioning where I was in my life and who I am. I realized that my life felt insignificant and unimportant. I felt that I wasn’t contributing anything to the world. I believed that my life was of no value.

I started to wonder about things like…what would people say about me after I leave this place? How will I be remembered? I started to get scared. I was questioning everything I had done and not done. What have I contributed to the earth? What will I leave you with besides debt and rumors of promiscuity? “Que tu madre era una locita.” What was I born to do? What is my legacy? Who am I? Where have I been? How would I want you to remember me?

I decided that I would write you a memoir. That would be the legacy left for you a book filled with my life story—written for you. I had no intention on letting anyone read it. I decided that I would document where I was for ten years. I was going to write it from 1991-2001.

Since I had never written a book before I printed a calendar for ten years and started plugging in all the places I lived in, all the people I slept with, all the jobs I’d held. I wanted to give you a true account, an authentic story about where I’ve been. I wanted you to know all my dirt, the many mistakes and bad choices I’ve made. I wanted you to know where I came from. I didn’t want someone else telling you their version of me. I wanted to tell you my story, my truth, so that you could form your own opinion about who your mother is.

One night we were lying in bed together reading. You were wrapped up in a Nancy drew story and I was reading a book on writing titled, Writing from Personal Experience. I was reading on how one goes about writing a book, when the most amazing thing happened. At 9:39pm as I was reading, I came across a line that talked about where one can find inspiration for writing and telling stories. This book was giving me all kinds of messages about material being found in everything in my life. In that exact moment I had an epiphany. I had one of those life altering Oprah AHA moments.
On October 3, 2001, what I read jumped out at me. It was about how even in our own lives there’s a story to be told. In that exact moment I whispered to myself, Oh my GOD!!! I’m a writer!!! I AM A WRITER!!!

I knew that that moment was significant so I made sure to write down the date and time. I looked over to you and said, “Baby, mommy’s a writer!”

You just looked at me with this glow in your eyes like you were looking at your sheroe and said, “I know mommy! I know! You’re gonna write me a book.”

“No honey, you don’t understand – I AM… A WRITER!!!

“I know mommy… we’re gonna be rich and you’re gonna buy me a big house with a McDonalds and a Carvel inside.”

I just laughed. You didn’t get it. For me that moment would mark me. That moment would change the direction of my life forever. My heart was pounding. I finally understood my place in the world. I had spent so much of my time in the desert, without water and without a compass. I was simply flying with nowhere to land. I had no direction. I knew that after that moment I would never be the same. I finally paid attention to the signs. What seemed so crazy to me was that when I started my writer’s journey it turned out that for several years I had been collecting books on writing without even realizing it.

I was born to write. ~

~~~~~~

And after that moment I haven’t stopped writing. That moment took place (11) years ago. That’s how long it has taken me to write my first book. Eleven years of growing as a writer, eleven years of getting to know myself, eleven years to have the courage to tell this story that has not been easy. Eleven years to release my past and sit with the pain of all of it…



One of my first readings of Finding Your Force took place when I was invited to Roots CafĂ© for a beautiful poetry event in Providence, Rhode Island. When I accepted the invitation I didn’t really think about how returning to Rhode Island would affect me. The response to my reading was mixed. There were so many people there from my past. Friends I’d made while I worked for the Providence School Department, spiritual sisters who were always there for me during any dramatic event and family members that I worried would receive my story uncomfortably - - and this included my ex-husband the father of my daughter who I was surprised accepted my invitation. The evening was filled will with love, but also concern.

There were people who felt that it wasn’t my place to tell this story. That perhaps I should consider the things I write about and how it directly affects the people in my life.

My response…

That’s why it has taken ELEVEN years to sit and write this story. What kept me from writing this story was the fear that the people around me would be angry, hurt and stop speaking to me. But after years of practicing and growing in my craft as a writer I understand that being a writer is a huge risk and one that I am willing to risk losing everything in order to create the work that I was born to do. PERIOD!!! I AM A WRITER~ I am a writer… and there is nothing else that I have ever wanted this badly.
I am a writer who has written a story that I hope will change the world…

Please help me spread the word about my indiegogo campaign and help me reach 20 Cities so that we can begin this healing work, this growing work, this live our dreams work. I am so grateful for those who have donated to my campaign and those who constantly show me love and support.

Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

To back my 20 city tour: INDIEGOGO/Finding Your Force TOUR

To purchase a copy of Finding Your Force please visit: CREATESPACE

Available on: AMAZON.COM

Available on: BARNES&NOBLE.COM

Visit website and join my mailing list: FINDING YOUR FORCE

Email me at FINDINGYOURFORCE@GMAIL.COM

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Finding Your Force is a Global Conversation~

26 days left~ $26.00 Donated~

December 6th 2011… I am so thrilled to share that yesterday I received my first donation towards my $6,000 book tour. I’m excited to be moving towards living what Brazilian writer, Paulo Coelho calls ones “Personal Legend,” which is about how one encounters all kinds of experiences that align and aid in helping one realize their dreams.

Today I would like to ask for your help with promoting my campaign. Any way you can contribute… Any amount you can donate is so very appreciated. Early on it was so important for me to complete my first book and publish it myself and so today begins the next step for me in spreading the word about this important story of survival.



When I visited Stanford University, one of my first stops on my book tour it was during Hispanic Heritage Month and the conversation was about sexuality, identity, acceptance and following ones dreams. This is what my tour is about… its about surrounding myself with people who want to share a little about their story and their personal journey and so this tour is a global conversation. I am looking so very forward to continuing to share OUR story.




Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia


To purchase a copy of Finding Your Force please visit: CREATESPACE

Available on: AMAZON.COM

Available on: BARNES&NOBLE.COM

Visit website and join my mailing list: FINDING YOUR FORCE

Email me at FINDINGYOURFORCE@GMAIL.COM

Monday, December 5, 2011

Help a self published author realize her dream~

After traveling to Providence, Bowdoin College, Stanford University and all over New York City… I’ve decided to take this show on the road!!!

I am planning the Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~ 20 City U.S. Book Tour~



1. Maine

2. Massachusetts

3. Rhode island

4. Connecticut

5. New York

6. Georgia

7. Virginia

8. Washington DC

9. Pennsylvania

10. Ohio

11. Michigan

12. Illinois

13. Missouri

14. Texas

15. New Mexico

16. Colorado

17. Arizona

18. California

19. Washington State

20. Nevada

That’s what I decided I would need to do to get the word out about my new memoir Finding your Force.


People dream of the huge book deals and wait to have their manuscript accepted or rejected by countless publishing houses. Not me. I don’t have that dream. My dream was to write my first book… and I’ve done that. I have always dreamt that I would be the one to publish my first novel… and I’ve done that. I wanted my first book to enter the world without censors and filters or be controlled by editorial, marketing, and sales teams… and I’ve done that as well.


This book was written in my voice under rules set by me. And the end result is this beautiful love letter Finding Your Force that was written to my daughter Courtniana~


Courtney is my muse and greatest inspiration. Now that my memoir is in print we want to share our story with the world. We want hundreds of thousands of people to read this story because we know that you will relate.


We know that OUR story is YOUR story! We are a human family!


“We are spiritual beings having a human experience~”


Why should men read Finding Your Force~

“So I have now read this book a few times, and I'm wondering why, because it is a difficult read to say the least, but definitely an important read, and so I keep going back. Clear your calendar because this book is going to keep you in it's grasp and send you off with markings tattooed inside of your soul that will stay with you for a very long time. Alicia shares her life with us in a way that may save a lot of people from some of the darkness that she has experienced in her lifetime, but as I get to the end of the book, I realize that this is a story of redemption and truly a journey of love, of survival and of someone who has learned to not only DEAL with some serious challenges in her lifetime, but who has also figured out a way to actually THRIVE, and at the end of the day, THAT is what the book is about, and why this letter to her daughter is so moving. Alicia has it figured out, and it's a gift to be able to watch a hero share herself and lead us all to a better existence. A beautiful, honest, compelling and entertaining novel. So HUMAN, there's a piece of all of us in Finding Your Force, and Santos is, indeed, a force to be reckoned with. I look forward to reading more from her.” ~ Amazon review


Why women should read Finding your Force~

It takes a warrior to survive abuse of any kind. It takes bravery to show your scars to the world and self-confidence to acknowledge the beauty of sculpted wounds. It takes strength to heal. In this Memoir Alicia Anabel Santos takes you on a harrowing journey of self destruction and pain, leaving no stone unturned, she faces her truth with dignity. In a series of letters written over a ten-year period, Anabel-Santos addresses the people who have affected her life the most. Many of these letters are painful to read but significant in excavating the hurt and rebuilding the foundation. This is a tale of hope, redemption, self-love and positive affirmations. A legacy of survival, from Mother to Daughter. ~ Amazon Review


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Finding Your Force is filled with themes that relate to all of us. This book is filled with images, journal entries, personal letters and the darkest moments of a human beings life. But in the end how even the worst of experiences we can be our own heroes... and those darkest of moments hold the most important life lessons.

This book is for everyone… from teens to elders there is a message for you in this book. My hope and prayer is that I reach my $6,000 goal that will go towards:


Transportation across the U.S.

Buses

Flights

Hotel accommodations

Meals

Books

Two months rent while I am away


I can’t do this alone. You are now a huge part of my journey… you are my marketing and sales team… and I am counting on you to get the word out and help to make this dream a reality. Post and repost on facebook and twitter, email to all of your contacts on gmail, yahoo and hotmail. Lets have fundraisers in your cities~ Bake sales and car washes at your children's highschools.

THE FIRST TEN BACKERS WILL RECEIVE THE FINDING YOUR FORCE EBOOK THIS WEEK




Help bring me to your city!

Thank you so much for supporting my campaign.

Peace, Light and LOVE

Alicia Anabel



To purchase a copy of Finding Your Force please visit: CREATESPACE

Available on: AMAZON.COM

Available on: BARNES&NOBLE.COM

Visit website and join my mailing list: FINDING YOUR FORCE

Email me at FINDINGYOURFORCE@GMAIL.COM

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Rainbows in the clouds~



A very special reading of Finding Your Force took place on October 22, 2011 in the Bronx hosted by poet Pilar Love Rivera. The evening was beautiful. There was so much love felt in that space. All of the women shared with me their thoughts around the issues I touched upon. We talked about fear of success, fear of failure, relationships and forgiveness at the end of the evening each woman wrote a letter to herself. My letter is a combination of everything I heard that night. I will cherish that moment and look forward to having more readings like that one.



Dear Alicia,

You were born to do this… “This was an experience!”

Your story is so inspiring. You are loved. You have so much to give. Keep moving~ this world needs you. “It felt like Yemaya was present.” You are like Maya Angelou’s rainbow in the cloud~ never forget that.

“When you entered the space the energy in the room shifted.” God was present. God is always present. God is always with you. God has never left your side. “What you know you share… and I am so grateful for that.” Keep sharing. Keep giving. Don’t keep anything for yourself. What God has in store for you - - you have no idea girl. Just sit back and wait for the miracle~

You are love~ and you are loved.

"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us - in the dreariest and most dreaded moments - can see a possibility of hope." ~ Maya Angelou





I am so grateful to Pilar for hosting such a special event and for all of the womyn who were present. Each one of them has changed my life and I LOVE THEM ALL~ Thank you for sharing your story with me~

For more information on hosting a Finding Your Force book reading please email: Findingyourforce@gmail.com


Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

Cities selected~





Everyday I am getting closer to seeing this book tour realized.




Here are the cities selected and the dates I will be in your town:

EVENTS IN FEBRUARY

1. Portland, Maine
2. Boston, Massachusetts
3. Providence/Warwick, Rhode Island
4. Hartford/New Haven, Connecticut
5. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6. Washington, DC
7. Richmond, Virginia
8. Atlanta, Georgia
9. Miami/Fort Lauderdale, Florida
10. Grand Rapids/Detroit, Michigan
11. Akron/Columbus, Ohio
12. Chicago, Illinois
13. Kansas City/St. Louis, Missouri

EVENTS IN MARCH

14. Austen/San Antonio/Dallas/Houston - Texas
15. Denver, Colorado
16. Santa Fe, New Mexico
17. Phoenix/Tucson, Arizona
18. San Francisco/LA/Sacramento/Santa Monica, California
19. Seattle, Washington
20. New York

*Cities I would love to add:
Nashville/Memphis, Tennessee
Las Vegas, Nevada

Please continue to support my campaign and spread the word about this amazing book tour. I’m looking forward to meeting you all soon. To back my project please visit: FINDING YOUR 20 CITY BOOK TOUR~


Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

To purchase Finding Your Force: CREATESPACE


Visit my website and join my mailing list: FINDING YOUR FORCE WEBSITE


Available on AMAZON.COM

Available on BARNES & NOBLE.COM

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

First 10 backers receive the FYF EBOOK this week!


Last night was the official launch to my campaign towards my 20 City Book Tour~ and I am so excited and grateful. I can’t wait to share my story with you so much so that today I decided I am offering the first ten backers towards my campaign an EBOOK version of Finding Your Force~




Click link to back my tour: FINDING YOUR FORCE 20 CITY TOUR INDIEGOGO CAMPAIGN~


PROMO VIDEO~ watch an excerpt from my memoir Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~



Thank you for supporting my journey~ thank you for helping make my dream a reality~


Wishing you light and LOVE~

Alicia


CLICK LINKS: Also available on CREATESPACE, AMAZON and BARNES & NOBLE

Monday, November 28, 2011

Finding Your Force 20 City Tour~ Campaign Launch~



Hey everyone,

I am writing to share the amazing news that tonight I launched my indiegogo campaign to help take Finding Your Force to a city near you~

20 cities….

People dream of the huge book deals and wait to have their manuscript accepted or rejected by countless publishing houses. Not me. I don’t have that dream. My dream was to write my first book… and I’ve done that. I have always dreamt that I would be the one to publish my first novel… and I’ve done that. I wanted my first book to enter the world without censors and filters or be controlled by editorial, marketing, and sales teams… and I’ve done that as well.This book was written in my voice under rules set by me. And the end result is this beautiful love letter Finding Your Force that was written to my daughter Courtniana~

1. Maine

2. Massachusettes

3. Rhode island

4. Connecticut

5. New York

6. Georgia

7. Virginia

8. Washington DC

9. Pennsylvania

10. Ohio

11. Michigan

12. Illinois

13. Missouri

14. Texas

15. New Mexico

16. Colorado

17. Arizona

18. California

19. Washington State

20. Nevada

That’s what I decided I would need to do to get the word out about my new memoir Finding your Force.

Courtney is my muse and greatest inspiration. Now that my memoir is in print we want to share our story with the world. We want hundreds of thousands of people to read this story because we know that you will relate.

We know that OUR story is YOUR story! We are a human family!

“We are spiritual beings having a human experience~”


Please check out my indiegogo campaign: http://igg.me/p/46364?a=192880&i=shlk

Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

Monday, November 14, 2011

20 City Book Tour begins this week!

Directly from Maine, Rhode Island, San Francisco, St. Louis on a 20 city book tour:
MA, CT, GA, FL, OH, MI, IL, TX, CO, NM,
AZ, WA, OR, LA, PA, DC, VA, NC, SC, and New York City ~

Corcho Wine Room presents a book reading of
Finding Your Force A Journey to Love ~

by Alicia Anabel Santos

A memoir love letter to a daughter.
It is not a love story but definitely a story of love.




Thursday, November 17th,
6:30pm
@ Corcho WIne Room
227 Dyckman Street.
Tel. 212.203.3371.

Come enjoy Tapas, Burgers and the best wines in New York.
Don’t miss this special event~

THIS WILL BE MY LAST READING FOR 2011 ~ I WILL BE IN SOUTH AMERICA FOR A MONTH AND THEN THE TOUR CONTINUES. HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL THERE. COME WISH ME WELL...

Peace, light and LOVE~
Alicia

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Meditation 10: The top of the mountain~

You’re standing at the top of a mountain…

What do you see?

Close your eyes and imagine that for a moment.

I’m standing at the top of the mountain.

What do I see?

I am climbing the mountain and I can see the top of it. I’m not quite there yet but it feels so close. I take a step… and I slip. I cut my leg wide open. It stings. I consider for moment going back down for help. But I see how high I’ve climbed. I’ve been scraped and cut open so many times climbing this damn mountain. But as I look down at how steep this mountain is and all that I have done and gone through to get this far I say myself, are you stupid? Hell no you’re not going back down! You have climbed so high… it’s a long drop to the bottom! You already know what’s at the bottom. Going back down would be me giving up. It would be me quitting before you have even arrived.

I am almost there...

So as my leg is burning from this last cut. I keep going. I keep moving. I keep climbing. My hand touches the top of the mountain and I pull myself to the top with all my might and I just stand there for a moment taking it all in...



THIS moment is unlike any moment I’ve ever experienced and the view from the top is amazing~



It has taken me forty years to get here and what I realize is that there is more mountain to climb~ take my hand!


I AFFIRM:

I will not fear failure~

I will walk, climb and move my ass all the way up that mountain – one step at a time~ it does not matter how long it takes I will reach the top!

I have gotten this far and have much further to go but I am up for the challenge~

I will not give up~

I know you got me~

For that knowing I am so grateful~

And so it is~

Meditation 9: Solitude is necessary~

Becoming~

Awakening~

Rebirth~

I am becoming~

November 9, 2011

I am meditating on solitude and what it takes to heal. It takes being alone and liking the person you’re with. Spending time within our pain in order to see how we’ve arrived to who we are. Solitude is necessary in understanding the person we’ve become.

I have spent quite a few months now living inside of my pain and it has been incredibly painful~ excruciatingly painful~ it has felt like I was dying internally every second of everyday.

What am I seeing?

How have I arrived to who I am?

How have I arrived to the person I am today?

This is where I need to stop questioning!

This is where I must stop myself from feeling all of this pain. This is where I pull myself OUT OF IT! It stops today! This is where I pull myself out of my past. Because if I were to stay right here - - right now - - in this moment. What I am seeing is a miracle! It is magic! I have become someone really great. I have become someone who is doing great work and maybe that’s where we ALL SHOULD SIT in the truth of who we are right now in this moment!

So while I understand that I am becoming. I am grateful for this time I get to spend alone in solitude. But I also understand that I am never really alone~

You’ve answered your call Alicia why would you want to hang up the phone?

I AFFIRM:

In solitude I find peace~

I release all pain and welcome the miracles~

I am greatness~

I am love~

I am all that is good~

For this knowing I am so grateful~

And so it is~

Meditation 8: When you wake up~

Do you wake up everyday living you purpose?

October 20, 2011

That’s the question I asked myself:

Do I wake up everyday living my purpose?

As I sit here looking out at my daughters yard I understand that I have not been waking up with my purpose as my central thought. I have let go of my personal legend, purpose, vision and dream. It has not been my main focus. I’ve allowed for external factors to enter my peripheral and cloud my focus and thoughts. I have somehow gotten in my own way. I have created some sort of block that is keeping me from living my purpose. Fully. Completely.

It’s not just about meeting a goal, finishing my book and I’m good! The work isn’t done. The real work begins now. I am rebuilding from scraps. I am building the most incredible structure and am reminding myself that I must keep building. To live my purpose everyday I must live everyday with my purpose as my first thought of the day and my last thought before I go to bed. I must remind myself and ask myself often AM I LIVING MY PURPOSE? Today am I living with purpose? Am I doing what I love? Purpose is not about doing what I HAVE to do its doing what I MUST DO!

I AFFIRM:

Today I am living my purpose

Today I am living with purpose

Today I will take one step towards realizing my dream

Today I remember who I am and the important work that I am here to do

Today is the day I begin living~

And so it is~

INHALE~

EXHALE~ I am smiling J

Creator, you have gotten me through some pretty dark shit and I am grateful you are always here. Today is the day I begin! That feels good. That feels right!

I AFFIRM:

I hold my vision in a way I have never held it~

Monday, November 7, 2011

Meditation 7: Don’t jump~ WELCOME HOME!

She felt insignificant~

She felt unimportant in the world~

She felt unloved~

She felt unworthy~

She felt incredibly disappointed~ disappointed in others but mostly disappointed in herself~

No one would ever know that when she dropped her daughter off at the bus terminal she stood on the platform on 42nd street and thought to herself,

“What if I jumped in front of that -A- train?”

She carefully stood back and leaned against the wall so she wouldn’t accidentally fall onto the tracks because lately she has been completely unbalanced and unaware of her surroundings. She started crying and thought to herself,

“Oh my God! What about my daughter? How could I do that to my daughter? She loves me so much.”

But her daughter has no idea how sad she has been but how she is fighting for her life. She is desperately fighting to return to herself strong. She is fighting to clean her wounds. She is fighting to release her pain.

She is awakening~

She is ready to listen~

During meditation I thought a lot about people who leave us. I am thinking about those who have taken their lives. I am thinking about those who have given up on life~

What is the difference between people who push past darkness take battles on and go to war with their demons and those people who give up and refuse to fight?

Faith~

Hope~

Belief in what is true~

It takes great faith to believe that even during the worst of experiences… that IT WILL PASS… that things WILL be fine… and that things DO in fact always happen for a reason~

It takes holding onto hope even when your faith is challenged and wavers… holding onto just the smallest amount of hope helps us to move through IT~

If we are not careful we can move into hopelessness~ Feeling hopeless leaves NO room for faith… and here is where we must fight. We must fight for our lives. We must stop waiting for someone, for people to come in and save us… we must SAVE OURSELVES~

That’s the message I heard yesterday during church loud and clear… SAVE YOURSELF! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

The sermon was about COMING HOME… it was about the Prodigal Son…

A man has two sons… one son says to his father… give me my share of my inheritance I want to travel the world I don’t want to stay here… the father gave the son his share and gave him blessings… the son leaves… he has a great time… that son spends all of it… all his riches… gone… he is broke… ashamed… how can he go home to his father and tell him how irresponsible he was. How can he face his father? The son was so broke that he ate with the pigs… his fine clothing completely ruined… he had nothing… he felt he was nothing.

Then he remembered that he was the son of a king and that his servants ate better than what he was eating. The son decided to return home. As the son walked up the road towards his father’s house… his father came running and embraced him… and said, my son has returned… welcome home! The father requested the finest robe, the most beautiful ring and most delicious food be prepared for a feast… HIS SON HAD RETURNED HOME!













I have been sad for a quite a while now… but two things reminded me of what I must do… and what I know to be true… I can always return home… and I can save myself.

I have returned home!

For this knowing I am so grateful~

And so it is~


I AFFIRM:

I forgive myself for yesterday and look forward to the healing that comes today.

I am developing a new awareness of who I am.

In your presence and in silence I begin to know myself.

My significance comes from serving~

I am awakening to the truth of who I am~

I can always come back home~

I am being restored to wholeness~

Heal me that I may heal others~

In my silence and solitude I begin to know myself~

Friday, November 4, 2011

November 2011 Readings & Events Calendar~


Due to the October 29th snowstorm my reading at Corcho Wine Room has been rescheduled.

Please join me Thursday, November 17, 2011 @ 6:30pm for a reading of

Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~


NOVEMBER 17th @ 6:30pm

Corcho Wine Room

227 Dyckman Street

New York, NY

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Meditation 6: Today I am ready~




I’m on the verge of tears all the time.

Creator what is wrong with me? Why am I so sad?

You need something to do! A strong sense of purpose!

Don’t I do enough?

You need to constantly be working… don’t stop.

What was I born to do?

Write!

What would you have me do?

Get still!

What do you want me to know?

You are in pain~

Why am I hurting?

You forget who you are! You forget whose you are!

What would you have me know?

Love yourself~ Love yourself through this~ You are worthy~ You are worth it!

I AFFIRM:

Creator today I am open ~

Today I am ready to begin healing~

Today I don’t want to carry this pain anymore~

Today I don’t want to hurt myself anymore~

Today I forgive myself for putting poison in my body yesterday~

Today is a new day~

Today I am open to healing~

Today I am ready to receive the messages you have for me~

Today I am open~

Today I am ready to release the pain~

Today I am ready to release all hurt~

Today I am ready to release all anger~

Today I am ready to release all pain~

Today I am ready to release all people who hurt me~

Today I am ready to release poisonous people~

Today I am ready to release all judgment~

Today I am open to loving me~

Today I am open to falling in love with me deeply~

Today I am open to new ways of loving me~

Today I am open~

Today I begin digging myself out of the ruins~

For this day I am so grateful~

And so it is~

Meditation 5: We forget who we are~


Sometimes we forget who we are and what we know.

After everything that I have been through… after everything that I have written about over the years… after everything that I know to be the truth of who I am. Sometimes I still forget.

In this moment I am suffering from the worst case of amnesia. I am trying to unlearn some things and learn some new things.

For as long as I can remember I have always believed that I can figure it all out--- all by myself. I have always believed that I shouldn’t ask for help. As much as I have opened my wounds for the world to see I have always maintained this persona of STRENGTH. But even the strong fall. Even the mighty is weak. We forget who we are. We forget the truth.

The truth is I am not alone. The truth is I am loved. The truth is I AM LOVE. The truth is this TOO SHALL PASS. The truth is I am beneath all of this debris but I will RISE from the ashes brand new. For this knowing I am incredibly grateful.

And so it is~

I AFFIRM:

I am discovering the truth of who I am and I am living from that place~