Thursday, May 6, 2010

Smiling Passed the Scars~

I met someone today who will forever change my life. This person who came into my life at the at the exact moment that I needed an angel to guard me. To guard my soul--to hug my spirit. I wish I could tell you her name but KNOW that she is someone that I am looking forward to one day meeting.

As I write this I see the scars… but I see this light shining through her eyes and her smiling back at me. I see her strength… I see her happy in what could be a scary situation…she gives new meaning to LIFE IS SHORT and TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED!

This morning I was in bed and I didn’t want to get up… I didn’t want to get up because I was sad - - I felt a little depressed and I wondered why – why am I soooo depressed when everything in my life is going extremely well? Why--when my writing is strong? Why--when I’m blessed with incredible opportunity and have people in my life who love me? Why am I sad?

What I realized and what I understand is that I am mourning a loss… and loss can show up in so many forms… we lose people that we love dearly and I have had tremendous losses of people who have passed on and gone into their next world. I have had losses of relationships, losses of jobs, losses of opportunity, loss of faith, loss of hope, losses of friendships.. and it’s the loss of a friendship that has me sad today.

So today----while I was SAD an AMAZING thing happened… the universe sent me someone to pull me out of this feeling…this woman was sent to remind me to SMILE passed my scars… to smile passed my PAST pains… to just SMILE… but I will get to that.

This morning… I was reading a blog about PURPOSE---finding your purpose… knowing your purpose… when something the writer wrote hit me… Why am I HERE? And she followed that question by saying, “What we should be asking is – what should I be doing WHILE I AM HERE?”

I meditated on the words – “WE ARE HERE TODAY… WE ARE HERE RIGHT NOW… IN THIS MOMENT… EVERYTHING THAT WE DO, EVERYTHING THAT WE SAY, EVERYTHING THAT WE THINK, EVERYTHING THAT WE FEEL… all plays a part in finding out and understanding what our purpose is.”

Why am I here? What is my purpose?

I wrote those words at the top of a blank page – WHY AM I HERE?

And I laid back down… while I was lying down I started to think about the women in my life.. the writers that I know, friendships that I have, my daughter, sisters, cousins, aunts, my fiancĂ©, and just the everyday people I have had conversations with about FINDING YOUR PURPOSE… and the many different ways that describe what purpose is… purpose = vision, mission, goal, passion, dream, personal legend… so many ways to say and define PURPOSE~

The bigger question is - - that’s great that SOME people get to know what THEIR purpose is – and those few really get to understand why THEY are here… but what about those who have NO IDEA why are we here? What I offer here is this…if you have no idea why you are here - - know that what you are feeling, what you’re saying, and what you’re thinking is playing a huge part—in your NOT KNOWING YOUR PURPOSE…if you are walking in the world believing that you have NO PURPOSE – and you’re thinking this, believing this, saying this and feeling this - - THIS FORM OF THOUGHT IS BECOMING YOUR PURPOSE… AND you have decided that.

So I’m laying in bed -- thinking about my own purpose –why I am here - - WHY is Alicia here? And what is it that I should be doing while I am here? I lay back down… because as I mentioned earlier I am mourning a loss of a friendship… when the phone rings… I answer… and it’s a person that I have NEVER met, a person that I do not KNOW, but nevertheless it is a phone call from a person that is incredibly important for my life and came into my life in the precise moment that I needed her.

This woman calls me by my first name like she’s known me for years… and we just start talking - - I don’t even ask her how she got my number but she knows me and NOW I know her too. And we spent I don’t know how long on the phone chatting. She was telling me about herself and how she would like to one day attend one of our writers group meetings – and I look forward to the day that she can.

During that conversation I start to cry but I am trying not to let her hear me…because this is someone that I don’t know… formally… I start to cry because even though – I don’t know her… she’s connected to me. she connected to me in the exact moment that I needed to be pulled out of my state.

She was telling me wonderful things about how inspired she is by me – and as I listened to her tell me her story, her testimonial about her life I realized that SHE was an inspiration to ME - - and in that moment I knew that—THAT IS my purpose.. my purpose is to connect to people…to provide a space for them to tell their stories… to support them on their journey… to help them with healing through words… my purpose is to connect to people…and while they may believe they are inspired by me… it is the other way around… they are brought into MY LIFE to inspire ME… so to that woman I say thank you…

THANK YOU FOR BEING EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO GET ME OUT OF BED… EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO GIVE ME PERSPECTIVE… EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO WRITE TODAY…THIS PIECE THAT I DEDICATE TO YOU… WOMAN THAT I HAVEN'T MET YET! Thank you. Today you showed up as an angel on my front doorstep disguised as an anonymous phone call… I thank you for reaching out to me and reminding me that my purpose is and always has been to reach out to others. To that ANGEL thank you for reminding me WHO I AM~


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