SHE LET GO!

She Let Go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go... She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual
Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

- Ernest Holmes

This was too good not to share... for all you amazing women and men who are searching for ways to JUST LET IT ALL GO! Thank you Bernice for posting this amazing poem!

Timing is everything.

This week marks a very significant moment in my life... my transition into a new chapter. This week I let go of so much that has weighed me down, past pains, baggage, old relationships, guilt, shame, loss... today, this week... my life is about forgiveness...

And I am so excited!

As @ninoprodigio says LEREGO, LEREGO... LERE...GO! #lerego

Peace, light and LOVE~

Where is your faith? BE STILL!

Yesterday, Sunday, July 22^nd, something amazing happened… something so unbelievably incredible that I will forever be changed.

I have written so many blogs meditating on the word EXPANSION and how significant that word is on my life. Then I found a church with the same name and from the first moment I walked into Expansion, October of 2011, it has been home to me.

I AFFIRM: I am expanding with every word, every thought, every deed, every move, every step, every experience, every moment and every person that enters and leaves my life.

So what was this AMAZING thing happened yesterday?

During service @expansionchurch there was a moment where we are called to sit in quiet meditation. The lights are dim, everyone sits upright and we are guided through meditation to help release and receive all we are open to releasing and receiving. I could not get comfortable. No position felt quite right. Putting my hands on my lap face up didn't work, face down didn't work, head on my lap in my hands didn't work, hands over my eyes didn't work, one hand over my heart the other on my forehead didn't work... Then I moved to the floor and sat Indian style like I do in my house.

I finally began to pray... Actually it was more a prayer of gratitude than a prayer requesting things. As I sat in silent meditation I was saying thank you to God for Papi—my father feeling better... for his surgery... My thoughts were racing. I began to ask for protection for my mom and continued with my long list of people I call forth in prayer daily... I was racing through it because something was trying to interrupt me and I didn't want to miss anyone or anything I was grateful for.

Then it happened—the creator whispered to me:

Quiet my child. Just be still!

I know how grateful you are.

You are a good child.

Just be still.

Allow me to give to you all that you need.

Quiet my child.

I am pleased with you.

Be still.

Worry not.

Quiet my child.

Be still.

Receive everything I am giving to you.

It has been written.

I felt the tears come down my face.

"I am pleased with you!" spirit said.

Once the moment of meditation was complete, Rodney McKenzie, Minister of Expansion Church, began his message for yesterday's service. He began to speak, share, deliver, standing as a direct vessel for words that he was born to share and that he does so brilliantly.

He urged us to DIVORCE ourselves from relationships that do not work. From relationships and beliefs that are not the truth of who we are!

What I heard was a call to divorce something within myself. To divorce people and things from my past that no longer support who I am, where I am and where I am going.

Rodney talked about generations of pain that are being passed down but how they are not OUR stories.  He went on to tell a story about Jesus and a man... I forget all the details because I was having a spiritual experience as he spoke. What my spirit sister Amanda, coins a "soulgasm".

Then Rodney said something that woke me up... " 'PEACE BE STILL!' That is exactly what the creator said. That is what Jesus said to the man."

I have to admit there was a moment I wanted to jump from my seat and scream, “Oh my GOD Rodney! I just heard the Creator say those very words to me not just ten minutes ago.”

But I didn’t! I accepted the truth that the Creator just reminded me through Rodney exactly what I must do and just in case I didn’t hear it the first time—he sent Rodney to remind me a few more times!

Rodney then went on to talk about a mystical marriage… and then that was it… I started feeling everything shift. What everyone at service didn’t know, what many people in my life don’t know is that this very Thursday, July 26^th, at 6pm on the evening of my 41^st birthday I intend to marry myself in a beautiful commitment ceremony by the water. How could he have known that?

This isn’t the first time I have married myself. I have had the most wonderful ceremonies, my first being many years ago with my daughter at my side on the roof of our apartment at sunset, another wonderful ceremony in my apartment in 2007 and then every year I make new vows and state new intentions for myself and my life. Basically marrying myself for the past ten years. 

This year it feels so different.

This wedding will be like no other ceremony, better than even Lady Diana’s fairytale ceremony shown live on tv… all eyes on her! All eyes will be on me!

Yes there’s a dress… yes there will be a ring… but more importantly there will be a DIVORCE celebration right after the vows… because I AM DIVORCING the past. I am DIVORCING all the pain. I am DIVORCING the old story. I am getting divorced… and committing to living my life exactly as the creator and I have dreamed for me. I am standing on new ground… living my TRUE STORY! I will be having my fairytale wedding and I am so happy! 

And so it is~

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy'

As posted on facebook:

A sweet lesson on patience.

A NYC Taxi driver wrote:

I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard
box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her.. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive
through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice..'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired.Let's go now'.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move.
They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug.She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

This was a post I read on facebook.

Life changing... transforming... my heart is OPEN! Meter and engine are off!

Peace, light and LOVE

Alicia

When will you let yourself have all that you DESERVE?

June 12, 2012

This was the day I wrote my old story.  Writing my OLD STORY was a requirement from the Minister at my church, Rodney McKenzie, so that we could all let go of our stories and get to truth of who we ALL ARE as Divinity.

Then life happened. Traveling… writing… living… LIFE!  I never sent it!

Then last night happened. July 9, 2012 … I was left BROKEN in the most beautiful way. OPEN… exposed. Completely OPEN and BROKEN WIDE!

As I am sitting here listening to music… I selected the option of “most played” on my playlist and the first song that came on was, “Love Has Spoken!”

Did you know that when I made you… you were whole!

Did you know that you were born of pure divinity?

A mystery to unfold…

In the June 12^th entry in my journal, the first thing I wrote was, “Life… what do I desire? What do I see for myself?”

I responded… “NO MORE holding onto people and things that no longer serve me!”

Then I wrote…

“Alicia, how has holding onto this served you? How has holding onto your past served you? How has holding onto illusions of people and relationships served you? How does this bring you forward? Alicia, what is the life you desire?”

Life is asking me, ALICIA, what it is that I WANT!

Response: I want to be open, completely exposed and UNLIMITED in every possible way.

What do I desire?

The constant KNOWING that I AM a writer and that I WAS BORN with this gift. I desire an unwavering knowledge that I AM HUGE in every way. And that no matter what experience shows up in my life I can be the largeness of who I am in everything that I do.

I AM WHOLE

I AM SAFE

I AM LOVE

I AM ABUNDANT

I AM LIMITLESS

This is the letter I wrote…my old story!

June 12, 2012

Rodney, as I begin to write… the words I AM PROSPEROUS pop up on my phone screen. Writing this story—the OLD story.

The old story is that someone can take something from me. The old story is that I am powerless. The old story is that all of the beatings beat the power out of me. The old story is that something is being withheld from me. The old story is that something can be stolen or taken from me. The old story is that all of this beautiful work I am doing to restore myself to who I am will be taken from me. The old story is that my spirit can be harmed.

I have been in hiding for so long believing that I am not safe. As I sit here, I am feeling frustrated because I know that that just isn’t the truth. But it's almost… no… not almost… it is what is keeping my GOOD from me. It is ME talking myself out of arriving to COMPLETE WHOLENESS.

All of which is the LIE. That old story is the LIE! The beatings were real because they were felt deeply. But the truth is… I can no longer be harmed. A) Because no one will ever put his or her hands on me like that again. And B) Because I AM WHOLE!

My thoughts just went to that baby waiting on the (1) train platform at 72^nd street getting beat by his mother and her saying to him, “I wish someone would say something to me!”

And I said nothing. I just stood there crying with my daughter. That mother has NO IDEA what she is taking from him… stripping him of his power… his innocence. Yelling to him, “Shut the F up!”

The old story is one that has beaten me. Attempted to beat the life out of me. I am tired of the old story. I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to hide the bruises anymore. I don’t want to put up any more walls trying to hide the truth. The truth is that the old story tried to break me.

UNTIL TODAY!

Today, I pull my hands away from my face. I stop guarding myself. I unblock my face and body in protection from the blows. Today, I will trust fully and completely that I am safe. I have been saved. The truth is that I begin to love ALICIA--- TODAY! I begin to LIVE today. I LOVE ALICIA TODAY. And I will live with and stand in the truth of who I am. Knowing that the power lives in me and it isn’t going anywhere. I AM THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND I WAS BORN TO INHERIT IT. I CHOOSE TO WATCH AS MY LIFE OVERFLOWS WITH LOVE, A PARTNER THAT I DESERVE AND WHO DESERVES ME AND A LIFE THAT IS FILLED WITH ABUNDANCE. PORQUE ME LO MEREZCO!

And so it is!

A writer’s process… it’s a matter of life or death!

Good morning day~ its Monday… The task of sitting with the page is not always easy.

I woke up today feeling weak. I don’t like this. I’m uncomfortable. I am trying to find a place that feels comfortable to write—a position that my body will like. VONA… the first few days of that experience is what is on my mind. I keep moving this journal from one side to the other I can’t get right. I am having a tough day so far. Nothing that I have been doing is working. I don’t feel inspired right now. I feel the muscles in my body wanting to tighten and resist. Doing anything and everything to not stay with the page.

But I must stay with it.

Writing is what I do and is so much of who I am. So as much as there is something inside of me that wants to keep me from writing today. I must write. I must not give up on me.

I have moved from the chair at the kitchen table to the sofa in the living room. I have propped this journal on pillows… moving it from the pillow to my lap. Still don’t feel that’s quite right. So I move to the floor and place the journal on the glass table, sit on the floor Indian style and begin to write… then I realized… shit my feet feel like they are being suffocated by these sandals.

STOP WRITING!

Remove sandals…

Right strap…

Left…

Back to Indian style… NOPE! That doesn’t work either. Shit! The vase on the table is in my way. Move vase. OK… sit on an angle… arms are exactly perfect now on the table. Pen to page… we begin!

The writer’s process can be grueling. All kinds of things will rise to test us… to see if we really want this… to see if we are REALLY writers. And I AM a writer!

So as I begin this day with the intention of having (3) pages written before I begin my day… I breathe a sigh of exhilaration… these three pages feel like I just ran ten miles…painful… a little brutal but I stayed with it and refuse to give up on me or this damn story that just might kill me. Yet I know that it IS the story that MUST be told!

Creator, thank you for this day and for helping me get these (3) pages done. Now the real writing begins!

Ache~

Stay with it!

Don’t give up!

Keep going!

There are people waiting for the greatness that is YOU!

Peace, light and LOVE~

Alicia

Follow me on twitter: @diosadominicana

VONA is an experience~

I am left with this sense of accomplishment... quite an achievement... its as if I just received a Ph.D from writers of color. What a huge honor!

Creator, Thank you for VONA!

Thank you to every single person that got me to VONA!

After traveling 20 hours… Oakland, LAX, Minneapolis then NYC… I finally arrived to New York in time to see my daughter off to college and had the nerve to begin my 12-week writing workshop that I facilitate at Hunter College yesterday… this is how serious I am about this writing thang!

Thank you to every person who prayed that I would get to VONA and who knew that I would get there! Thank you to every family member who has supported and loved me. I am so grateful for the family I gained while at VONA. Grateful for the incredible connections and profound learning that went down.

My instructor Maaza Mengiste, author of, Beneath the Lion’sGaze. Thank you for teaching me the importance of “story”—the importance of their story. Maaza you taught me to not get lost in the history and research. That its “all about character.” I was obsessed with making sure that the history was on point and perfect. You gave me permission to let all of that go and allow the characters to lead me on their journey. “Let the character tell me what I need to know”  and that, “it’s the story that matters!!!” from the depths of me I thank you Maaza. I will hear your tender and loving voice every time I spend time with these characters. I love you and am grateful for you. (Get the book she is an amazing writer).

I am grateful for every woman I spent the week writing with: Emily, Jean, Lydia, Burnita, Negin, Tara, Nakia, Danielle, Queen Esther and Alicia U. thank you for taking the time to read my manuscript and for providing me with feedback that I know will carry me though to the end of writing this novel. Thank you so much… I love you.

And real talk… thank you to my investors… you are my investors and dream makers… my personal angels who supported me in getting to VONA. YOU not only believe in me but you believe in this story. Thank you for playing such a huge role in getting me to VONA and having this experience. I want you to know that not only did I get your money’s worth I finished it. I gave every ounce of me. This experience is beyond words. I will continue to work at this level for the rest of my life. Thank you Andreina, Nivea, Eneida, Rock, Josie, Yoseli, Griselda, Maria, Peggy, Mia, Adolmary and Vanessa (if I have left anyone off... THANK YOU!) My kickstarter backers, my indiegogo supporters... you truly have my heart <3

I am so grateful for everyone’s love and generosity. I WILL FINISH THIS! And we will celebrate at the book release.

I just wanted to say thank you… thank you Diem and the entire VONA Faculty and Staff. Thank YOU! Today I was a little more firmly and with a tremendous amount of direction.

VONA Class of 2012… WORD! Mama graduated! 

Maferefun Oggun~ padre tu hija lo logro~

Ache!

Peace, light and LOVE

Always Alicia