Tuesday, July 10, 2012

When will you let yourself have all that you DESERVE?

June 12, 2012
This was the day I wrote my old story.  Writing my OLD STORY was a requirement from the Minister at my church, Rodney McKenzie, so that we could all let go of our stories and get to truth of who we ALL ARE as Divinity.
Then life happened. Traveling… writing… living… LIFE!  I never sent it!
Then last night happened. July 9, 2012 … I was left BROKEN in the most beautiful way. OPEN… exposed. Completely OPEN and BROKEN WIDE!
As I am sitting here listening to music… I selected the option of “most played” on my playlist and the first song that came on was, “Love Has Spoken!”
Did you know that when I made you… you were whole!
Did you know that you were born of pure divinity?
A mystery to unfold…
In the June 12th entry in my journal, the first thing I wrote was, “Life… what do I desire? What do I see for myself?”
I responded… “NO MORE holding onto people and things that no longer serve me!”
Then I wrote…
Alicia, how has holding onto this served you? How has holding onto your past served you? How has holding onto illusions of people and relationships served you? How does this bring you forward? Alicia, what is the life you desire?”
Life is asking me, ALICIA, what it is that I WANT!
Response: I want to be open, completely exposed and UNLIMITED in every possible way.
What do I desire?
The constant KNOWING that I AM a writer and that I WAS BORN with this gift. I desire an unwavering knowledge that I AM HUGE in every way. And that no matter what experience shows up in my life I can be the largeness of who I am in everything that I do.

This is the letter I wrote…my old story!
June 12, 2012
Rodney, as I begin to write… the words I AM PROSPEROUS pop up on my phone screen. Writing this story—the OLD story.
The old story is that someone can take something from me. The old story is that I am powerless. The old story is that all of the beatings beat the power out of me. The old story is that something is being withheld from me. The old story is that something can be stolen or taken from me. The old story is that all of this beautiful work I am doing to restore myself to who I am will be taken from me. The old story is that my spirit can be harmed.
I have been in hiding for so long believing that I am not safe. As I sit here, I am feeling frustrated because I know that that just isn’t the truth. But it's almost… no… not almost… it is what is keeping my GOOD from me. It is ME talking myself out of arriving to COMPLETE WHOLENESS.
All of which is the LIE. That old story is the LIE! The beatings were real because they were felt deeply. But the truth is… I can no longer be harmed. A) Because no one will ever put his or her hands on me like that again. And B) Because I AM WHOLE!
My thoughts just went to that baby waiting on the (1) train platform at 72nd street getting beat by his mother and her saying to him, “I wish someone would say something to me!”
And I said nothing. I just stood there crying with my daughter. That mother has NO IDEA what she is taking from him… stripping him of his power… his innocence. Yelling to him, “Shut the F up!”
The old story is one that has beaten me. Attempted to beat the life out of me. I am tired of the old story. I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to hide the bruises anymore. I don’t want to put up any more walls trying to hide the truth. The truth is that the old story tried to break me.
Today, I pull my hands away from my face. I stop guarding myself. I unblock my face and body in protection from the blows. Today, I will trust fully and completely that I am safe. I have been saved. The truth is that I begin to love ALICIA--- TODAY! I begin to LIVE today. I LOVE ALICIA TODAY. And I will live with and stand in the truth of who I am. Knowing that the power lives in me and it isn’t going anywhere. I AM THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND I WAS BORN TO INHERIT IT. I CHOOSE TO WATCH AS MY LIFE OVERFLOWS WITH LOVE, A PARTNER THAT I DESERVE AND WHO DESERVES ME AND A LIFE THAT IS FILLED WITH ABUNDANCE. PORQUE ME LO MEREZCO!
And so it is!

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