Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Where is your faith? BE STILL!

Yesterday, Sunday, July 22nd, something amazing happened… something so unbelievably incredible that I will forever be changed.

I have written so many blogs meditating on the word EXPANSION and how significant that word is on my life. Then I found a church with the same name and from the first moment I walked into Expansion, October of 2011, it has been home to me.

I AFFIRM: I am expanding with every word, every thought, every deed, every move, every step, every experience, every moment and every person that enters and leaves my life.

So what was this AMAZING thing happened yesterday?

During service @expansionchurch there was a moment where we are called to sit in quiet meditation. The lights are dim, everyone sits upright and we are guided through meditation to help release and receive all we are open to releasing and receiving. I could not get comfortable. No position felt quite right. Putting my hands on my lap face up didn't work, face down didn't work, head on my lap in my hands didn't work, hands over my eyes didn't work, one hand over my heart the other on my forehead didn't work... Then I moved to the floor and sat Indian style like I do in my house.

I finally began to pray... Actually it was more a prayer of gratitude than a prayer requesting things. As I sat in silent meditation I was saying thank you to God for Papi—my father feeling better... for his surgery... My thoughts were racing. I began to ask for protection for my mom and continued with my long list of people I call forth in prayer daily... I was racing through it because something was trying to interrupt me and I didn't want to miss anyone or anything I was grateful for.

Then it happened—the creator whispered to me:

Quiet my child. Just be still!
I know how grateful you are.
You are a good child.
Just be still.
Allow me to give to you all that you need.
Quiet my child.
I am pleased with you.
Be still.
Worry not.
Quiet my child.
Be still.
Receive everything I am giving to you.
It has been written.

I felt the tears come down my face.

"I am pleased with you!" spirit said.

Once the moment of meditation was complete, Rodney McKenzie, Minister of Expansion Church, began his message for yesterday's service. He began to speak, share, deliver, standing as a direct vessel for words that he was born to share and that he does so brilliantly.

He urged us to DIVORCE ourselves from relationships that do not work. From relationships and beliefs that are not the truth of who we are!

What I heard was a call to divorce something within myself. To divorce people and things from my past that no longer support who I am, where I am and where I am going.

Rodney talked about generations of pain that are being passed down but how they are not OUR stories.  He went on to tell a story about Jesus and a man... I forget all the details because I was having a spiritual experience as he spoke. What my spirit sister Amanda, coins a "soulgasm".

Then Rodney said something that woke me up... " 'PEACE BE STILL!' That is exactly what the creator said. That is what Jesus said to the man."

I have to admit there was a moment I wanted to jump from my seat and scream, “Oh my GOD Rodney! I just heard the Creator say those very words to me not just ten minutes ago.”
But I didn’t! I accepted the truth that the Creator just reminded me through Rodney exactly what I must do and just in case I didn’t hear it the first time—he sent Rodney to remind me a few more times!
Rodney then went on to talk about a mystical marriage… and then that was it… I started feeling everything shift. What everyone at service didn’t know, what many people in my life don’t know is that this very Thursday, July 26th, at 6pm on the evening of my 41st birthday I intend to marry myself in a beautiful commitment ceremony by the water. How could he have known that?
This isn’t the first time I have married myself. I have had the most wonderful ceremonies, my first being many years ago with my daughter at my side on the roof of our apartment at sunset, another wonderful ceremony in my apartment in 2007 and then every year I make new vows and state new intentions for myself and my life. Basically marrying myself for the past ten years. 

This year it feels so different.
This wedding will be like no other ceremony, better than even Lady Diana’s fairytale ceremony shown live on tv… all eyes on her! All eyes will be on me!
Yes there’s a dress… yes there will be a ring… but more importantly there will be a DIVORCE celebration right after the vows… because I AM DIVORCING the past. I am DIVORCING all the pain. I am DIVORCING the old story. I am getting divorced… and committing to living my life exactly as the creator and I have dreamed for me. I am standing on new ground… living my TRUE STORY! I will be having my fairytale wedding and I am so happy! 

And so it is~

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