Friday, October 9, 2009

TAW: Week THREE – Assignment 1~ Back to my childhood~

Completed: September 9, 2009

In this task I am asked to describe my childhood room~

What WAS my favorite thing about it?

What IS my favorite thing about my room TODAY?

The first thing that came to mind was: I live on the INSIDE now! I NO LONGER wish to escape – to run away. These days I am running TOWARDS something better / SAFER~
Describing my child hood room brings back so many memories… bunk beds with my brother… the many times I was punished… family gatherings every weekend~

… I was born in Bushwick, a Brooklyn girl… raised in Queens NY – Woodhaven Court / ozone park, 95-01 was the street address. I would walk up the stoop enter the front door turn left and enter the house. When you enter the first room you’re in the living room –three large windows on the left.

The couch was underneath the window – directly in front of you was dads amazing stereo system and his many LP’s… directly in front of the sofa was the TV – to the right of the TV was a doorway with NO door that lead right into our bedroom – me, Fabio, and Josie shared the room (Fabiana wasn’t born quite yet…)

My room I can’t remember the color of the walls - -I want to say they were brown paneling – you walk through that door way and to the left was my parents bedroom to the right was the stairway… leading downstairs (my parents wall was made out of this thin plastic – we could hear our parents talking at night and giggling and quite possible working on creating sibling #4). Our bedroom was the small space between our parents room and the stairs…

In my bedroom there was a huge window… I used to love staring outside that window – it over looked the back yard, which was a driveway, and about a block up there was a bridge—an overpass for where I could see Woodhaven Boulevard.

All of our houses in the neighborhood were brick… and connected – so it was one long driveway for the entire block… my favorite part of the room was that WINDOW and the back of my bureau which I used to tag… “Lady Love” was my name. I spent many moments just staring outside of that window – daydreaming – wishing my life was different – wanting to escape – counting the cars that would pass over that ramp. Wanting to be in one of those cars driving AWAY. That room was also the space where my first boyfriend and I fooled around… but unfortunately, the only good thing I can remember about that room was wanting to LEAVE~

My favorite thing about my room about NOW… today, 2009 – has got to be my bed which serves as a couch / my bedroom. Its in the living room – its also the dining room – my office and spiritual space… where I do yoga… where I held the first meeting of the NYC Latina Writers Group… where many women have gathered to celebrate the beauty found in their words… its my shared space with my daughter Courtney---- our sanctuary… so many great movies and conversations had in that space… its where I fell in love with me. It’s the first place I can call HOME~ I have felt so much warmth and love in that space… my sanctuary… its safe… it’s welcoming… I’ve created so much here… so much of who I have become has been formed in that space… its now about me living on the INSIDE now - - no longer wanting be on the outside of that window… I feel whole~

And so it is~

PS. The last thing I wrote… I feel whole… a part of me feels really broken… a part of me misses the SECURITY I felt in my space. A part of me is still traveling around the world and looks forward to being at HOME with me.


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