Sunday, December 23, 2007

I Make NO Apologies~

Are people willing to see?
Are people willing to be open?
Listening vs. hearing…
Are people willing to accept responsibility for their role?

What if one never accepts responsibility for what they have done to offend us?

My letters…

I have spent the past week with these thoughts and feelings about my letters…my sharing them… going through some self doubt… Someone close to me has been warning me all through my writing process that I should reconsider what I publish about my life… that I shouldn’t share what I have been sharing…that I need to be careful not to alienate myself from those I love… that I need to be careful with my words - - that I don’t want enemies… that I may end up alone.

People will be angry and may not like what I have to say but I can not stop speaking my truth…

How does this process serve?

Why now?

I was told: “My words are bullshit…sounds like a bunch of bullshit…”

Are you listening to the words that are coming out of my mouth?
What do you hear when I speak?
What do you hear when you read my words?
What do you believe to be the truth about me and where I am coming from?

I’ve read somewhere that people in general filter out a lot of what is said to them in conversation - - that we’re generally terrible listeners hearing a small percentage of what is actually being said.

I am so guilty of this.

When I was younger if I was in debate with someone – the other person could be in mid sentence – mid thought explaining or defending their position - - stressing a point… and I would be caught somewhere in my own thought forming my rebuttal - - reciting it in my mind so it comes out exactly the way I wanted it to.

These days I just tell people to keep repeating what they say to me over and over again until I have fully processed it. It’s more important for me to listen than it is to be heard…

Today I am feeling that I make no apologies for my words…

I make no apologies for the way I choose to heal and deal with my history… with MY story… I have NO FEAR of seeing myself, knowing myself, and being my Divine Self. Thank you creator for showing ME… I am growing into my full potential…

I am expanding beyond the limits I have placed on me - - I am growing past the limits I have allowed others to place on me. I am expanding my understanding of the truth, my experience of joy and how I love… One must be willing to expand… to be open to the process of growing.

“Life is a process of growing and outgrowing and growing some more…”

And this is exactly what I am going to continue doing. I keep moving forward - - honoring my process - - even when others can’t understand why it is I do what I do… even when people don’t honor me… I keep moving forward… keep doing what I’m doing…

My worth is not attached or contingent upon being forgiven… I have made penance for my sins… I forgive me for the errors of my ways… there will be no lashings…or crucifixion for the words I put on the page.

I was sad yesterday - - after a conversation with someone in my life… but I realize I must grow through this. Allow it to evolve… be patient that all will work out the way it is supposed to. I must be patient and faith filled. I am feeling quite drained at the moment.

When people don’t own their part, acknowledge or recognize their role in what has happened… there is nothing I can do about that.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?
Are we better than the person right beside us?
Are we better than the homeless man on the train?
Have you never made a mistake?
Are you perfect?
Who do we think we are?
Who are we to pass judgments?
Why are we so self righteous?

My purpose and intention for sharing my truth and sharing my indiscretions is not to try to convince someone of their past - - or to get someone to see what they may not be ready or willing to see or hear… one must be open… its about dealing with my past and healing and growing through it.

One must be willing – are we willing to grow beyond where we are?

Today I will seek the truth about myself and live the truth of my being….

I’m a work in progress!


No comments: