Sunday, December 23, 2007

An Organized Mess…

“Get it together…”

“Everything happens for a reason…”

“All will be revealed in due time…”

“You can’t move forward unless you look backwards…”

All expressions said to me on one occasion or another…

A lot of my days used to start off and end with the words:

“Today was the day from hell!”

Whenever I would meet up with my best friend I would start off the conversation the same way… and then I would just go on and on about how unfair life was - - how miserable my life was - - complaining about an unfulfilling job and what ever it was I was rambling about in my description of this day from hell. And she would always tell me, there is a reason for everything… there is a lesson in this… I was listening to the words but missing the message.

My life was exactly the way I was painting it… because I was the artist… at any moment I could have chosen a different brush and color for a more precise stroke… or I could have trashed the painting and started fresh with a new canvas… but I kept painting over the same piece over and over again… it was full of reds, oranges, yellows… the picture resembled FIRE… my moment in hell. I was in pain when I was having days from hell. I was in internal hell and the fire was getting hotter and hotter. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get out of it – I kept painting me there.

We develop in order – exactly when we are supposed to - - everything happens right on time…

I was unfolding right on time… I needed to be in hell to decide for myself if THAT was the way I wanted to continue living… do I want to live in hell - - or paint my way out of hell.

My days started changing… I am not sure when it happened - - when the change in me started happening… but I was having less days from hell and more days filled with happiness. I guess it must have started when I realized I was born to write. I read today that my force… assures me that the divine plan for my life… will unfold in an orderly manner according to my level of development…

How many times have I thought I was ready only to find out later that I was NOT ready… when I fall - - that too was in ORDER - - I needed to have those days from hell so that I could continue to keep getting ready…

The word I am meditating on today is ORDER!

I read today that: “the order of my physical environment is a reflection of the order and state of my mind” it went on to say, “A clear and opened mind is evidenced by a clean and orderly environment.”

I disagree with this - - and agree with it… I feel like a clean environment is only clean on the surface - - I take huge offense to this… that somehow someone who lives in a neat and orderly space is more open than I because their space is clean.

This is an illusion!

The most immaculate space can be the most miserable environment with the darkest of emotions.

So if my home is disorderly (and yes my house IS - - I collect research so I have tons of paper work and am surrounded by books in my space) am I to take this to mean that I am somehow blocking myself. I agree that a cluttered and disorderly mind would allow for blocks… but that my space would imply that I have it less together than a person with an orderly house… I can’t agree. I pride myself in calling me “An Organized Mess.” :)

My personal belief is that I prefer to clear out the garbage and mess on the inside before even tackling with the crap that surrounds my house. But that’s just me.

Of course if you enter a clean house - - free of clutter - - with clear space… it gives off the vibe of WOW they must really have it together - - look at how they live… so would this mean you walk into my space and it WOW she’s a hot mess and is far from having it together?

I went on to read: “the condition or order of the environment demonstrates what I have learned, what I am thinking and what I am ready to receive.”

I definitely agree with this… I know that for me I will and am getting here. The place where I am physically, mentally, and emotionally IS a reflection of the order or disorder in my thoughts, beliefs and emotions… but in some cases the cleanliness of spaces is a cover for the real mess that resides in the crevices…

Order for me means that I am exactly where I need to be… in this moment in time.

I can admit that my life in some ways is still in disorder - - there is still work I need to do. For me to have order - - I must get me in order and I will continue to do the work to get me in order.

I realize that my life is being ordered when I see and recognize that I am exactly where I need to be – doing what I am supposed to do and I know that everything I need will be provided.

For this I am so grateful.

Now my paintings are filled still with reds, oranges and yellows - - and those colors symbolize the sunset for me… the end of an amazing day filled with purples, pinks, sky blues…

What does order mean for you?
How does order show up in you life?


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