Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Like a bird in the sky…

Everybody’s FREEEEEE to feel good!

It's done. I did it. The moment I finished it…

I was walking with Chermelle last night after a very productive writing session. And I just looked at her and said. IT'S DONE! It's no longer inside of me. I no longer have to carry it.

I felt really light in my chest...

I was weightless, unburdened - - FLYING!!!

Everything looked so different to me in that moment.

Chermelle needed to remind me of what I looked like yesterday - - she said I was smiling, that I felt liberated. She said I told her, it felt good, so good in fact that it was the first time I'd ever felt that feeling of goodness.

I felt great.

I felt that it was gone, done, completed - - the poison is no longer inside of me!

I felt emptied of it.

I feel free.

I feel good.

The song that came to mind was EVERYBODY'S FREE…to feel good!

Freedom is not a moment or an experience…

Freedom is not something that can be given to us.

Freedom is a state of being. It's not something anyone can give us.

Freedom is something unexplainable – something that is felt in the mind, spirit and soul and I felt it all at the same time. It was an incredible moment. An emotional moment – I'm somehow different NOW…

My chest feels clear…

I feel open…

I can breathe.

With every breathe I take it feels different – freeing me even more…

I have never felt this free…

There were lines from that song "Right to be wrong" that spoke to me:

I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown

I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe

You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision

Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to face it willingly…

I was left feeling relieved… ready… I'm like a bird…

This is what I said last night: "Today is the moment of my transformation - - today is the first day of my life. I see things so differently now. I'm unblocked - - I AM FREE!"

This is a feeling I want to hold onto for as long as I can…

I no longer feel pain
I no longer feel hurt
I no longer feel guilt
I no longer feel shame

For this and for every thing that I receive I am so grateful!

I am FINALLY free…

This is what freedom feels like…

This poem summarizes what I feel brilliantly:

Ego Tripping , by Nikki Giovanni (1973)

I was born in the Congo.
I walked to the Fertile Crescent and built the sphinx.
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light.

I am bad.

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with Allah.
I got hot and sent an ice age to Europe
to cool my thirst.
My oldest daughter is Nefertiti.
The tears from my birth pains
created the Nile.

I am a beautiful woman.

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the Sahara desert.
With a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes,
I crossed it in two hours.
I am a gazelle so swift,
so swift you can't catch me.

For a birthday present when he was three,
I gave my son Hannibal an elephant.
He gave me Rome for mother's day.

My strength flows ever on.

My son Noah built an ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day.
I turned myself into myself and was Jesus.

Men intone my loving name.
All praises all praises,
I am the one who would save.

I sowed diamonds in my back yard.
My bowels deliver uranium.
The filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels.

On a trip north,
I caught a cold and blew
my nose giving oil to the Arab world.
I am so hip even my errors are correct.
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went.
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents.

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal.
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission.
I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky



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