The Artist Way – Week 1/Assignment 2:

I was asked to write about my Hall of Champions - - 3 old champions of my creative self-worth… Who have been the people to wish my creativity well? Who are the people who wish my LIFE well?

I CHOOSE FOUR~

My four champions are a combination of new and old… and they just so happen to ALL BE womyn. I am surrounded by the most incredibly powerful womyn… they are ALL warriors… my writers circle, my facebook and myspace families aren’t excluded… but THESE FOUR—they would have my back in a bar fight… if I was on the street homeless—I know that I would have a bed in their homes…ALL of them support me and love me… they encourage me… push me and tell me the TRUTH about ME. They check me on my shit~ and hold me accountable~

VANESSA is in my ear… over my shoulder… like a lieutenant… she doesn’t wanna hear it! She DOES NOT allow me to use words to beat myself up. There have been several occasions where I have uttered words like: “I don’t think I can! I don’t believe I am gifted! I don’t think I’m ready!” and she will jump in to remind me of ALL I have done to get HERE… reminding me of EVERYTHING I have accomplished and still have yet to accomplish. Letting me know exactly who it is that I AM! I love her for telling me; “You ready! You got this! You a FORCE kid! I got you…” I can hear her singing now; “if you don’t worry ‘bout where I been or who I saw or, what club I went to with my homies baby don’t worry, u know that u got me!” She GOT ME… there is no doubt in my mind… my kindred spirit… and I must admit…that’s a comforting thought – because HER WARRIOR SPIRIT… feeds me, pushes me and encourages me to WRITE beyond my limits and past my pain~

And we got ELY… she is the female NAPOLEAN… small in height but a giant in her shoes. She is fearless and fierce. Her words move me to laughter—hysterical laughter. We can be talking about the most SERIOUS of subjects, latest topics for discussion or insane situations and she will flip it into a joke that will kill me… she has a way of seeing the world unlike anyone I know… a fresh, real and HONEST perspective… sometimes BRUTALLY HONESTY… some of her TRUTH will sting you. With her I learn not to take life so seriously – not to take myself so seriously and when I am lost in my own world—in my spirit… she slaps me back into reality… reminding me of the TRUTH… “Will my writing love me back?” the importance of time with family - - that THEY are what really matters. Kicking me in the ass with words like “I told you! Don’t trust everybody…” she teaches and reminds me that inspiration is everywhere just open my eyes – stay there~

Awwww and then we have EMMA who tells me; “You cant give it all away… don’t be so trusting!” she worries more about me than my mom. She tells me how proud she is of me and how much I’ve DONE to be proud of. Her words lift me and build me. She has been a believer in me in all the moments where I didn’t believe and for that I love her. I have some very protective womyn in my life - - borderline possessive. They are my eyes when I can’t see.

But COURTNEY… there is NO ONE liker her… she is my #1 champion in my hall of fame! Her words are ALL I NEED~ I believe everything she says about me. She’s honest with me.. Pushes me.. Loves me unconditionally… she protects the child in me… there are moments when she is the MOM… she is why my creativity is ALIVE… why I AM alive… why I was BORN… she is ALL THAT I AM… she is the reason I WRITE… she believed in me when I didn’t know HOW TO… she’s MY ACE… my best friend, my confidant, my muse, my inspiration, my role model… my safe place to land~

I am so grateful for all THE WOMYN in my life… they give me strength…

And so it is~

There are soooo many womyn who are my champions… you know who you are… and too ALL OF YOU—thank you! Peace~

The Artist Way – Week 1/Assignment 1

I started THE ARTIST WAY on Aug. 17, 2009… I have been trying to complete this creative process since 2004. One of my best friends, sister and cousin Ely aka “Bloowriter” and I have attempted this process twice before and for some reason I just couldn’t get through it… something always seemed to stop me. There was something I RESISTED… The furthest I have gone in the Artist Way process is to Week 9… there are TWELVE weeks of assignments.

So Ely and I committed to starting the Artist Way again. And this time we WILL FINISH IT~

The Artist Way process consists of something called MORNING PAGES… the author asks us (her students) to write THREE pages every morning from a stream of consciousness. We are NOT to go back and read what we write… just WRITE… one of the examples she uses is that if we feel we have nothing to write… write that: “I have nothing to write…” until we fill the three pages… I won’t be sharing my morning pages—but I will share the assignments.

Week 1 – Assignment 1:

This week was about understanding what keeps us in the shadows… what has prevented me from creating~

“AUDACITY, not talent makes ONE person an artist and another a shadow artist…”

I was asked to list THREE enemies that have affected my creative SELF WORTH~

I will start with the most recent enemy—a fight I had with Tony. He said some pretty ugly and hurtful things. He assaulted me with words from my sexuality to my craft. So much hate and venom… that it made me cry. This coming from someone I love dearly – but has a history of spewing some pretty ugly things. It brought me back to moments when I felt like NOTHING-NO ONE! Telling me that my writing sucked and then WORSE was my believing THAT my writing actually DOES suck… believing that I sucked. He said that, “I was terrible – that I would never be anything – that I ain't shit – that I am a piece of shit.”

The next would be my ex Juan – he hasn’t gotten under my skin recently - - actually his words haven’t affected me at all in a LONG time – but the scars are still there. There still is some residue and pressure felt. One of the things I am left with is that HE never made me feel good. Around him I never believed I was smart – as intelligent as he is with his Ph.D. Feeling less THAN… this pattern of thought is what has KEPT me back. Why was I waiting for HIM to make me feel good?

Which brings me to my last enemy ME~ I am still so hung up on negative triggers and external WORDS. There have been more bad things I’ve believed about me than good things… What is the TRUTH? I am hurting myself. I am stopping my growth – I want to get back to the place where I am constantly BUILDING – where I believe in myself - - where I don’t stop BELIEVING – where I NEVER quit! I want to get back to AFFIRMING the TRUTH of my existence. Getting back on path to GREATNESS… this path that IS leading me to ALL great things. I want to be OPEN to this PROCESS and finally LET GO once and for all.

ALL THOSE WORDS that hurt me and have limited me. I want to replace every bad experience I have ever had with NEW BEAUTIFUL—FULL experiences and EXPRESSIONS of LOVE, PEACE and TRANQUILITY. I want to live a JOY filled life. I want happiness. I FEEL SOOO GOOD right now. I AM IN THIS MOMENT--extremely excited about what’s to come. I am FINDING myself. REINVENTING MYSELF… I am finding myself writing about attracting all the beautiful wishes for my life—calling it forth and drawing it towards me. I am PUSHING AWAY the hurtful, hateful things that have paralyzed me. I FEEL GOOD~ I AM HAPPY~

And so it is~

The Process~

So I decided to share my process… my writing process through my blogs. I am currently working on three things: my novel (The Daughters of the Revolution), the documentary (Afro-Latinos: The Untaught Story) and using the book (The Artist Way) as an aid to continue growing creatively.

Yesterday I started writing the script – more like the outline for the script for the first segment of the documentary—HISTORY~ during my meditation a word kept coming up… PROCRASTINATION… then other words followed… LIMITATION… HESITATION…

What is PROCRASTINATION really… but a way (AN EXCUSE) for us not to get DONE what is necessary!

Procrastination keeps us from achieving what we really want… it holds us back. When has procrastination served us? For me personally procrastination comes from many moments/occasions of receiving NEGATIVE feedback externally… that I would later internalize.

For me procrastination equaled FEAR~

Fear about…

What they will think?
What they will say?
Will they like me?
Am I smart enough?
Is it perfect?
Do I know enough about the subject?
Am I qualified?
Can I do this?

Once you IDENTIFY where all that QUESTIONING and SELF DOUBT comes from you are able to tear off the many layers of procrastination~

Once you understand why you procrastinate you are backed in a corner. Once you understand what’s really holding YOU back—there is really only ONE of TWO directions you can head in.

You are either going to FINISH IT… go for it… achieve what it is you were born to achieve… living your PERSONAL LEGEND…

OR

You can live the rest of your life… living in the past, paralyzed and regretting never having done it—kicking yourself for not going for it.

SO THIS IS AN INVITATION… away from procrastination towards what it FEELS like to get it done, to ACCOMPLISH something, to ACHIEVE your goals, to go after your DREAM, to BELIEVE in yourself, and to take a RISK.

I am personally inviting you to take my hand on this journey and FINISH something – no matter how big or small. I will share my daily process with YOU and I hope you will do the same~

Who’s with me~ this is a COMMITMENT if you accept YOU MUST GET IT DONE… no excuses.

PEACE~

Stories of Sacrifice~ Historias de Sacrificio~

Stories of Sacrifice~

Do you know someone who has put his or her life at risk to come to the U.S. for a better way of life?

I am looking for extraordinary stories of sacrifice and the search for a better way of life. There are so many stories untold about what people have given up and lost to come to the United States. I am looking for stories from Mexico, Dominican Republic, Cuba, as well as other experiences throughout Latin America.

Please email me for more information or to share your experience.

Peace~
Alicia

ESPANOL

Historias de Sacrificio~

¿Conoces a alguien que ha puesto su vida en riesgo para venir a los EE.UU. para una mejor forma de vida?

Estoy buscando historias extraordinarias de sacrificio y la búsqueda de una mejor forma de vida. Hay tantas historias acerca de lo incalculable de personas que han abandonado y perdido sus vidas para llegar a los Estados Unidos. Estoy buscando historias de Mexico, República Dominicana, Cuba, así como otras experiencias en América Latina.

Por favor, envíeme un email para obtener más información o para compartir su experiencia.

Paz ~
Alicia