Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Artist Way – Week 1/Assignment 1

I started THE ARTIST WAY on Aug. 17, 2009… I have been trying to complete this creative process since 2004. One of my best friends, sister and cousin Ely aka “Bloowriter” and I have attempted this process twice before and for some reason I just couldn’t get through it… something always seemed to stop me. There was something I RESISTED… The furthest I have gone in the Artist Way process is to Week 9… there are TWELVE weeks of assignments.

So Ely and I committed to starting the Artist Way again. And this time we WILL FINISH IT~

The Artist Way process consists of something called MORNING PAGES… the author asks us (her students) to write THREE pages every morning from a stream of consciousness. We are NOT to go back and read what we write… just WRITE… one of the examples she uses is that if we feel we have nothing to write… write that: “I have nothing to write…” until we fill the three pages… I won’t be sharing my morning pages—but I will share the assignments.

Week 1 – Assignment 1:

This week was about understanding what keeps us in the shadows… what has prevented me from creating~

“AUDACITY, not talent makes ONE person an artist and another a shadow artist…”

I was asked to list THREE enemies that have affected my creative SELF WORTH~

I will start with the most recent enemy—a fight I had with Tony. He said some pretty ugly and hurtful things. He assaulted me with words from my sexuality to my craft. So much hate and venom… that it made me cry. This coming from someone I love dearly – but has a history of spewing some pretty ugly things. It brought me back to moments when I felt like NOTHING-NO ONE! Telling me that my writing sucked and then WORSE was my believing THAT my writing actually DOES suck… believing that I sucked. He said that, “I was terrible – that I would never be anything – that I ain't shit – that I am a piece of shit.”

The next would be my ex Juan – he hasn’t gotten under my skin recently - - actually his words haven’t affected me at all in a LONG time – but the scars are still there. There still is some residue and pressure felt. One of the things I am left with is that HE never made me feel good. Around him I never believed I was smart – as intelligent as he is with his Ph.D. Feeling less THAN… this pattern of thought is what has KEPT me back. Why was I waiting for HIM to make me feel good?

Which brings me to my last enemy ME~ I am still so hung up on negative triggers and external WORDS. There have been more bad things I’ve believed about me than good things… What is the TRUTH? I am hurting myself. I am stopping my growth – I want to get back to the place where I am constantly BUILDING – where I believe in myself - - where I don’t stop BELIEVING – where I NEVER quit! I want to get back to AFFIRMING the TRUTH of my existence. Getting back on path to GREATNESS… this path that IS leading me to ALL great things. I want to be OPEN to this PROCESS and finally LET GO once and for all.

ALL THOSE WORDS that hurt me and have limited me. I want to replace every bad experience I have ever had with NEW BEAUTIFUL—FULL experiences and EXPRESSIONS of LOVE, PEACE and TRANQUILITY. I want to live a JOY filled life. I want happiness. I FEEL SOOO GOOD right now. I AM IN THIS MOMENT--extremely excited about what’s to come. I am FINDING myself. REINVENTING MYSELF… I am finding myself writing about attracting all the beautiful wishes for my life—calling it forth and drawing it towards me. I am PUSHING AWAY the hurtful, hateful things that have paralyzed me. I FEEL GOOD~ I AM HAPPY~

And so it is~

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