I could barely sleep at all. I kept my laptop on all night - - just looking at the computer screen. I thought I had dreamt that I received a note that a story I wrote several months ago was published. I text everyone in my circle - - I tried calling my family but NO ONE was awake to jump up and down with.
So at around 1:30am I went to sleep...with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.
NO ONE will ever really know... what that moment felt like for me... it was a combination of shock, surprise, excitement, timing, recognition, validation, LOVE, achievement, accomplishment, gratitude and pure joy~
Then I woke up at 5:00am and went to look at the computer again just to see if it was in fact true that I am finally a PUBLISHED WRITER~
MAN - - this is an amazing feeling... I am just trying to take it all in. Breathing slowly~
Inhaling this moment because it has been my custom to just move quickly - - the stealth fighter - - moving quick to the next thing - - but TODAY - - just for TODAY - - I just want to live in this moment...
This writing thing to me means so very much... its never been and will NEVER BE about money or fame...it truly is about sharing the gifts that I have received. And everything that I write is an offering... (even when i curse you out :) I still will always come in love). But this WRITING THING... is a HUGE thing... is a GREAT thing... is the ONLY thing I have ever wanted to do... WRITING (and my daughter) are the only things that I have wanted to be GREAT at~
AND THIS MOMENT IN MY LIFE~ is one of those moments I will always remember~
So I received my first phone call this morning at 5:54am from my sister.. she wanted to shout it from the roof tops... she just expressed how proud she was of me... and when we hung up this was the text she wrote me:
"I've never been so proud of you! YOU freakin worked your ass off and finally...we get to see it. You go afro latina girl...save the day"
I love my sister - - she is my rock... SOLID...
Hearing those words from her meant so much to me.
Everything that I am and all that I have is because of my family, my parents, sisters, brother, cousins, tia's, tio's and all my ancestors...
And ALL that I DO/WRITE/GIVE is for them... MY HISTORY, CULTURE, EXPERIENCES, MUSIC AND TRADITIONS they never LET me forget HOW DEEP being me IS and where I come from has MADE ME...I am constantly reminded of what I am supposed to do with my gifts and what my being here is REALLY about...
This moment is incredibly overwhelming. When I received that call from my sister Josie I got so emotional after and started crying - - my family has NEVER really read anything that I have ever written. They really didn't understand my writer's life. All they knew about me and writing was that when I was working I never answered the phone. That when I was in flow my phone could be off for ten hours straight. They tried to adjust to my once a week calls when they were used to hearing from me everyday- - used to seeing me just chilling with them drinking coronas hanging and watching TV. They didn't understand my NEED and CALL to CREATE~
When I realized I was a writer I was living in Florida and I would spend alot of time away from my family - - they would be busy having family get togethers in the sala (living rm) with the music blaring, the food was always off the chain - - and daddy playing his instruments and me - - I always had my head in a book or was off typing my novel...and he would get so angry feeling like I was pulling away from the family - - that i was alienating myself - - separating ME from THEM - - and that couldn't be further from the truth. They didn't understand THEN - - but now I think they will. I hope that they will see that all that I was doing was preparing me.... I was being prepared to give and share these gifts about our culture and history with them and the world... And this is what I am doing and will continue to do until my last breathe.
When I look back at this part of my journey - - this FIRST publication. I will remember the hours I spent transcribing notes. How I had just about over 100 pages of transcribed notes - - just from one interview alone I had over 40 pages of handwritten notes... I will remember that the process towards the final draft were deep from 100 pages, to 60, to 30, to 16, to 9 pages and then finally to 3 pages... and 13 drafts in one day later... a story it took 5 days to write and barely any sleep... yes I will enjoy this moment... because I did work my ass off. And I am so thrilled that I have so many people around me who love me - WHO GET IT... and have my back. I am thankful for those around me who are living and those who have passed who guide me and protect me always...and for them and for everything I have and will receive - - UNIVERSE I THANK YOU~
What was your first moment like?