Saturday, February 2, 2008

Don’t Stop Believin’

Today has been a really strange day for me. I have been all over the place… and I don't just mean emotionally and mentally - - but physically.

My morning started by debating whether I wanted to take the bus cross-town to the 6 train - - then I decided to take the train and take the L instead to union square… I decided I would mix it up and do some writing at a new spot… Barnes and Noble… I get there… I am in flow… my battery is about to die so I leave my stuff and go looking for a new place to sit where I could plug in. No such luck apparently this location has sealed their outlets for the past two years.

So I packed up my lunch my pc and decided I needed to move to a new location… maybe I would just go home - - but my daughter is there… and she would want some time and there are some things I need to get out of my body and onto the page so I decided to go to the spot that never fails me 113 - - MY SPOT… 113 is where much of my novel has been written - - its where it was born… in addition to the hundreds of pages words, my blogs… love letters… so many wonderful hours spent at 113. And I just knew my spot wouldn't let me down.

I get there and there is a man sitting in my seat - - so I just stand there patiently waiting for him to finish eating because I couldn't sit anywhere else… plus that's the only spot that has an outlet… so the table near him frees up… I jump in that seat… I don't even un-pack - - I wait patiently with my coat on bags on my lap… watching him - - but trying not to stare him down because as soon as he was standing I was ready to pounce - - lol

He collects his trash… I stand… he leaves I jump to that table with the quick… I start unpacking slowly… spreading out like I do… I'm a big girl so I need a lot of room - - its one of those two seater kind of tables so I usually need about three chairs for all my crap… I take out my laptop – smiling because I am ready to work… pull out the chord – untangle it… assume my position… look under the table and start to push the cord through the holes… but the chord wouldn't go in all the way… I was like wtf… so I get closer to the wall and what do I see the outlet was stuffed with some white stuff…

I guess my spot no longer allows for patrons to plug in their electronics.

I sat there for a moment and was like this can NOT be happening… what was the universe trying to tell me? So I stood up pisst. Put on my hat, scarf, and jacket on - - packed up all my stuff AGAIN… and was storming off.

So I decided OK - - I have ONE last spot I love to create in… so now I will catch the shuttle train to the number 1 and see if my table was open at my joint…

So I'm just walking thinking to myself "MAN today is NOT my day…maybe I should just take my black ass home?"

The thoughts that were going through my head was me feeling like something was keeping me from writing today. I believed that everything that was happening was stuff getting in my way; something was pushing me away from what was important to me like my WRITING. I was feeling like all this stuff was happening to take me off course. BELIEVING that I somehow was in CONTROL - - I felt like I was being tested… I definitely felt like my patience and peacefulness was being tried.

And I was almost going to believe the lies I was telling myself…

Then I see this group of girls~


People will come
They will come in
At times
With words
To test u


Say things


Things will happen
To make u question
Second guess

And then there is TIMING~

ALL happens right on time~

I was reminded today


As I was walking and thinking - - having this internal dialogue~

Thinking about everything that was going on around me that I felt was stopping me. I believed was delaying me, keeping me from doing what I WANTED to do… something else was slowing me down…

All of it was part of a bigger plan…


All that was happening today was so that I could arrive right on time~

And I did…

The girls had just finished a song and were about to start on another and I almost walked by them to go catch the shuttle when the girl started singing.

So I stayed to listen.

I figured why rush now - - things weren't going my way anyway… my day wasn't going according to MY plan…the least I could do was SEE and listen to what these girls could do… to see if they had any skill.

And did they? WHAT!

The sounds that came from this group literally took my breathe away… they had no music backing them up… all of the musical beats came from them… beat boxing… hitting notes that I swear I thought some of these white girls were black… they were amazing… one of the singers started with these words…

"Just a small town girl, livin in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit
He took the midnight train goin anywhere"

I felt like I was that small town girl - - livin in a lonely world… taking train anywhere - - she was ME… I felt like I was going nowhere…I swore they were singing this song to me.

When I stopped there were only 4 of us listening to them at the end of the song there were like thirty people listening to them… they were amazing….

So I have to thank the universe for sending me these angels to remind me… DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'

When they finished I immediately bought the cd and walked to the S train and as I sat down I started crying. I realized that I was supposed to hear those words today. I was supposed to remind myself:


That's what was missing from my day - - the ME that believes…

I need to hold onto that TIGHT… that I should never stop believing. I need to remember who I am and not allow what others say influence or affect me.

Today I was tested in so many ways or at least that was my perception. The universe sent me a message in the form of this amazing chorus of the The Middlebury Mischords.


We walk around spending our days missing many of the blessings that are sent our way. We listen to the words of others when we really should listen to ONE~

What do I believe?

I believe in the good in others
I believe in love
I believe that everything that happens in my life happens for a reason even if the reasons aren't revealed immediately
I believe in me
I believe in you
I believe that if you hurt me - - I must let you go - - and I will
I believe in quiet, tranquility, and space
I believe in peace

Don't stop believin'
Don't stop believin'
Hold onto the feeling

I will remember this as I walk today - - to walk a little slower and listen… really listen and trust. And I won't stop BELIEVIN' J

Why do we stop believin'?
What do you believe about you?


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