Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Rainbows in the clouds~

A very special reading of Finding Your Force took place on October 22, 2011 in the Bronx hosted by poet Pilar Love Rivera. The evening was beautiful. There was so much love felt in that space. All of the women shared with me their thoughts around the issues I touched upon. We talked about fear of success, fear of failure, relationships and forgiveness at the end of the evening each woman wrote a letter to herself. My letter is a combination of everything I heard that night. I will cherish that moment and look forward to having more readings like that one.

Dear Alicia,

You were born to do this… “This was an experience!”

Your story is so inspiring. You are loved. You have so much to give. Keep moving~ this world needs you. “It felt like Yemaya was present.” You are like Maya Angelou’s rainbow in the cloud~ never forget that.

“When you entered the space the energy in the room shifted.” God was present. God is always present. God is always with you. God has never left your side. “What you know you share… and I am so grateful for that.” Keep sharing. Keep giving. Don’t keep anything for yourself. What God has in store for you - - you have no idea girl. Just sit back and wait for the miracle~

You are love~ and you are loved.

"God puts rainbows in the clouds so that each of us - in the dreariest and most dreaded moments - can see a possibility of hope." ~ Maya Angelou

I am so grateful to Pilar for hosting such a special event and for all of the womyn who were present. Each one of them has changed my life and I LOVE THEM ALL~ Thank you for sharing your story with me~

For more information on hosting a Finding Your Force book reading please email:

Peace, light and LOVE~

Cities selected~

Everyday I am getting closer to seeing this book tour realized.

Here are the cities selected and the dates I will be in your town:


1. Portland, Maine
2. Boston, Massachusetts
3. Providence/Warwick, Rhode Island
4. Hartford/New Haven, Connecticut
5. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6. Washington, DC
7. Richmond, Virginia
8. Atlanta, Georgia
9. Miami/Fort Lauderdale, Florida
10. Grand Rapids/Detroit, Michigan
11. Akron/Columbus, Ohio
12. Chicago, Illinois
13. Kansas City/St. Louis, Missouri


14. Austen/San Antonio/Dallas/Houston - Texas
15. Denver, Colorado
16. Santa Fe, New Mexico
17. Phoenix/Tucson, Arizona
18. San Francisco/LA/Sacramento/Santa Monica, California
19. Seattle, Washington
20. New York

*Cities I would love to add:
Nashville/Memphis, Tennessee
Las Vegas, Nevada

Please continue to support my campaign and spread the word about this amazing book tour. I’m looking forward to meeting you all soon. To back my project please visit: FINDING YOUR 20 CITY BOOK TOUR~

Peace, light and LOVE~

To purchase Finding Your Force: CREATESPACE

Visit my website and join my mailing list: FINDING YOUR FORCE WEBSITE

Available on AMAZON.COM

Available on BARNES & NOBLE.COM

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

First 10 backers receive the FYF EBOOK this week!

Last night was the official launch to my campaign towards my 20 City Book Tour~ and I am so excited and grateful. I can’t wait to share my story with you so much so that today I decided I am offering the first ten backers towards my campaign an EBOOK version of Finding Your Force~


PROMO VIDEO~ watch an excerpt from my memoir Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~

Thank you for supporting my journey~ thank you for helping make my dream a reality~

Wishing you light and LOVE~



Monday, November 28, 2011

Finding Your Force 20 City Tour~ Campaign Launch~

Hey everyone,

I am writing to share the amazing news that tonight I launched my indiegogo campaign to help take Finding Your Force to a city near you~

20 cities….

People dream of the huge book deals and wait to have their manuscript accepted or rejected by countless publishing houses. Not me. I don’t have that dream. My dream was to write my first book… and I’ve done that. I have always dreamt that I would be the one to publish my first novel… and I’ve done that. I wanted my first book to enter the world without censors and filters or be controlled by editorial, marketing, and sales teams… and I’ve done that as well.This book was written in my voice under rules set by me. And the end result is this beautiful love letter Finding Your Force that was written to my daughter Courtniana~

1. Maine

2. Massachusettes

3. Rhode island

4. Connecticut

5. New York

6. Georgia

7. Virginia

8. Washington DC

9. Pennsylvania

10. Ohio

11. Michigan

12. Illinois

13. Missouri

14. Texas

15. New Mexico

16. Colorado

17. Arizona

18. California

19. Washington State

20. Nevada

That’s what I decided I would need to do to get the word out about my new memoir Finding your Force.

Courtney is my muse and greatest inspiration. Now that my memoir is in print we want to share our story with the world. We want hundreds of thousands of people to read this story because we know that you will relate.

We know that OUR story is YOUR story! We are a human family!

“We are spiritual beings having a human experience~”

Please check out my indiegogo campaign:

Peace, light and LOVE~

Monday, November 14, 2011

20 City Book Tour begins this week!

Directly from Maine, Rhode Island, San Francisco, St. Louis on a 20 city book tour:
AZ, WA, OR, LA, PA, DC, VA, NC, SC, and New York City ~

Corcho Wine Room presents a book reading of
Finding Your Force A Journey to Love ~

by Alicia Anabel Santos

A memoir love letter to a daughter.
It is not a love story but definitely a story of love.

Thursday, November 17th,
@ Corcho WIne Room
227 Dyckman Street.
Tel. 212.203.3371.

Come enjoy Tapas, Burgers and the best wines in New York.
Don’t miss this special event~


Peace, light and LOVE~

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Meditation 10: The top of the mountain~

You’re standing at the top of a mountain…

What do you see?

Close your eyes and imagine that for a moment.

I’m standing at the top of the mountain.

What do I see?

I am climbing the mountain and I can see the top of it. I’m not quite there yet but it feels so close. I take a step… and I slip. I cut my leg wide open. It stings. I consider for moment going back down for help. But I see how high I’ve climbed. I’ve been scraped and cut open so many times climbing this damn mountain. But as I look down at how steep this mountain is and all that I have done and gone through to get this far I say myself, are you stupid? Hell no you’re not going back down! You have climbed so high… it’s a long drop to the bottom! You already know what’s at the bottom. Going back down would be me giving up. It would be me quitting before you have even arrived.

I am almost there...

So as my leg is burning from this last cut. I keep going. I keep moving. I keep climbing. My hand touches the top of the mountain and I pull myself to the top with all my might and I just stand there for a moment taking it all in...

THIS moment is unlike any moment I’ve ever experienced and the view from the top is amazing~

It has taken me forty years to get here and what I realize is that there is more mountain to climb~ take my hand!


I will not fear failure~

I will walk, climb and move my ass all the way up that mountain – one step at a time~ it does not matter how long it takes I will reach the top!

I have gotten this far and have much further to go but I am up for the challenge~

I will not give up~

I know you got me~

For that knowing I am so grateful~

And so it is~

Meditation 9: Solitude is necessary~




I am becoming~

November 9, 2011

I am meditating on solitude and what it takes to heal. It takes being alone and liking the person you’re with. Spending time within our pain in order to see how we’ve arrived to who we are. Solitude is necessary in understanding the person we’ve become.

I have spent quite a few months now living inside of my pain and it has been incredibly painful~ excruciatingly painful~ it has felt like I was dying internally every second of everyday.

What am I seeing?

How have I arrived to who I am?

How have I arrived to the person I am today?

This is where I need to stop questioning!

This is where I must stop myself from feeling all of this pain. This is where I pull myself OUT OF IT! It stops today! This is where I pull myself out of my past. Because if I were to stay right here - - right now - - in this moment. What I am seeing is a miracle! It is magic! I have become someone really great. I have become someone who is doing great work and maybe that’s where we ALL SHOULD SIT in the truth of who we are right now in this moment!

So while I understand that I am becoming. I am grateful for this time I get to spend alone in solitude. But I also understand that I am never really alone~

You’ve answered your call Alicia why would you want to hang up the phone?


In solitude I find peace~

I release all pain and welcome the miracles~

I am greatness~

I am love~

I am all that is good~

For this knowing I am so grateful~

And so it is~

Meditation 8: When you wake up~

Do you wake up everyday living you purpose?

October 20, 2011

That’s the question I asked myself:

Do I wake up everyday living my purpose?

As I sit here looking out at my daughters yard I understand that I have not been waking up with my purpose as my central thought. I have let go of my personal legend, purpose, vision and dream. It has not been my main focus. I’ve allowed for external factors to enter my peripheral and cloud my focus and thoughts. I have somehow gotten in my own way. I have created some sort of block that is keeping me from living my purpose. Fully. Completely.

It’s not just about meeting a goal, finishing my book and I’m good! The work isn’t done. The real work begins now. I am rebuilding from scraps. I am building the most incredible structure and am reminding myself that I must keep building. To live my purpose everyday I must live everyday with my purpose as my first thought of the day and my last thought before I go to bed. I must remind myself and ask myself often AM I LIVING MY PURPOSE? Today am I living with purpose? Am I doing what I love? Purpose is not about doing what I HAVE to do its doing what I MUST DO!


Today I am living my purpose

Today I am living with purpose

Today I will take one step towards realizing my dream

Today I remember who I am and the important work that I am here to do

Today is the day I begin living~

And so it is~


EXHALE~ I am smiling J

Creator, you have gotten me through some pretty dark shit and I am grateful you are always here. Today is the day I begin! That feels good. That feels right!


I hold my vision in a way I have never held it~

Monday, November 7, 2011

Meditation 7: Don’t jump~ WELCOME HOME!

She felt insignificant~

She felt unimportant in the world~

She felt unloved~

She felt unworthy~

She felt incredibly disappointed~ disappointed in others but mostly disappointed in herself~

No one would ever know that when she dropped her daughter off at the bus terminal she stood on the platform on 42nd street and thought to herself,

“What if I jumped in front of that -A- train?”

She carefully stood back and leaned against the wall so she wouldn’t accidentally fall onto the tracks because lately she has been completely unbalanced and unaware of her surroundings. She started crying and thought to herself,

“Oh my God! What about my daughter? How could I do that to my daughter? She loves me so much.”

But her daughter has no idea how sad she has been but how she is fighting for her life. She is desperately fighting to return to herself strong. She is fighting to clean her wounds. She is fighting to release her pain.

She is awakening~

She is ready to listen~

During meditation I thought a lot about people who leave us. I am thinking about those who have taken their lives. I am thinking about those who have given up on life~

What is the difference between people who push past darkness take battles on and go to war with their demons and those people who give up and refuse to fight?



Belief in what is true~

It takes great faith to believe that even during the worst of experiences… that IT WILL PASS… that things WILL be fine… and that things DO in fact always happen for a reason~

It takes holding onto hope even when your faith is challenged and wavers… holding onto just the smallest amount of hope helps us to move through IT~

If we are not careful we can move into hopelessness~ Feeling hopeless leaves NO room for faith… and here is where we must fight. We must fight for our lives. We must stop waiting for someone, for people to come in and save us… we must SAVE OURSELVES~

That’s the message I heard yesterday during church loud and clear… SAVE YOURSELF! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

The sermon was about COMING HOME… it was about the Prodigal Son…

A man has two sons… one son says to his father… give me my share of my inheritance I want to travel the world I don’t want to stay here… the father gave the son his share and gave him blessings… the son leaves… he has a great time… that son spends all of it… all his riches… gone… he is broke… ashamed… how can he go home to his father and tell him how irresponsible he was. How can he face his father? The son was so broke that he ate with the pigs… his fine clothing completely ruined… he had nothing… he felt he was nothing.

Then he remembered that he was the son of a king and that his servants ate better than what he was eating. The son decided to return home. As the son walked up the road towards his father’s house… his father came running and embraced him… and said, my son has returned… welcome home! The father requested the finest robe, the most beautiful ring and most delicious food be prepared for a feast… HIS SON HAD RETURNED HOME!

I have been sad for a quite a while now… but two things reminded me of what I must do… and what I know to be true… I can always return home… and I can save myself.

I have returned home!

For this knowing I am so grateful~

And so it is~


I forgive myself for yesterday and look forward to the healing that comes today.

I am developing a new awareness of who I am.

In your presence and in silence I begin to know myself.

My significance comes from serving~

I am awakening to the truth of who I am~

I can always come back home~

I am being restored to wholeness~

Heal me that I may heal others~

In my silence and solitude I begin to know myself~

Friday, November 4, 2011

November 2011 Readings & Events Calendar~

Due to the October 29th snowstorm my reading at Corcho Wine Room has been rescheduled.

Please join me Thursday, November 17, 2011 @ 6:30pm for a reading of

Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~

NOVEMBER 17th @ 6:30pm

Corcho Wine Room

227 Dyckman Street

New York, NY

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Meditation 6: Today I am ready~

I’m on the verge of tears all the time.

Creator what is wrong with me? Why am I so sad?

You need something to do! A strong sense of purpose!

Don’t I do enough?

You need to constantly be working… don’t stop.

What was I born to do?


What would you have me do?

Get still!

What do you want me to know?

You are in pain~

Why am I hurting?

You forget who you are! You forget whose you are!

What would you have me know?

Love yourself~ Love yourself through this~ You are worthy~ You are worth it!


Creator today I am open ~

Today I am ready to begin healing~

Today I don’t want to carry this pain anymore~

Today I don’t want to hurt myself anymore~

Today I forgive myself for putting poison in my body yesterday~

Today is a new day~

Today I am open to healing~

Today I am ready to receive the messages you have for me~

Today I am open~

Today I am ready to release the pain~

Today I am ready to release all hurt~

Today I am ready to release all anger~

Today I am ready to release all pain~

Today I am ready to release all people who hurt me~

Today I am ready to release poisonous people~

Today I am ready to release all judgment~

Today I am open to loving me~

Today I am open to falling in love with me deeply~

Today I am open to new ways of loving me~

Today I am open~

Today I begin digging myself out of the ruins~

For this day I am so grateful~

And so it is~

Meditation 5: We forget who we are~

Sometimes we forget who we are and what we know.

After everything that I have been through… after everything that I have written about over the years… after everything that I know to be the truth of who I am. Sometimes I still forget.

In this moment I am suffering from the worst case of amnesia. I am trying to unlearn some things and learn some new things.

For as long as I can remember I have always believed that I can figure it all out--- all by myself. I have always believed that I shouldn’t ask for help. As much as I have opened my wounds for the world to see I have always maintained this persona of STRENGTH. But even the strong fall. Even the mighty is weak. We forget who we are. We forget the truth.

The truth is I am not alone. The truth is I am loved. The truth is I AM LOVE. The truth is this TOO SHALL PASS. The truth is I am beneath all of this debris but I will RISE from the ashes brand new. For this knowing I am incredibly grateful.

And so it is~


I am discovering the truth of who I am and I am living from that place~