Friday, November 2, 2012

Meditation 59: We will never be whole people unless we integrate~

It’s not going to work if you don’t believe…
This is one of my favorite lines in Finding Neverland, when Johnny Depp says to the young Peter, It’s not going to work if you don’t believe…
“Life fills all space and Spirit animates every form. It is this Spirit in you, as you, which is the true actor in everything you do, but since you are an individual, even the Spirit can not make the gift of Life unless you accept it. Life may have given everything to you but only that which you accept is yours to use. There are many who will doubt this. Only to those who have believed has the proof come.” This Thing Called You
This is the word I am meditating on today…
How can I integrate all that I have learned into my daily living?
How can I integrate these teachings in my interactions with the others and in the world?
I am thinking a lot about my spiritual practice and the things that I have learned and have yet to learn.
There is so much that comes up during meditation… a complete LIFE LIST of things to do. Worry comes up… Doubt comes up… Shame comes up… Regret comes up… Fear comes up… Shopping lists come up… Bills come up… Bank statements come up…
And then I remember that I am being called to not allow those thoughts in…
I remind myself that all that I need is here.
I remind myself that I have ALL that I need.
I have to constantly remind myself of this truth; that even though I may not always see it… I am always being provided for, protected and guided and that the universe IS always working in my favor.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love:

I remembered an argument you and I had several years ago about integration. We had quite the debate in our home. You were on the verge of tears. I was making you so angry. It got to a point where I actually said, “You know what I'm against integration!"

"Mom, tell me you're not really against integration?"

Our argument was about a blog post I read about the TV network BET. The writer believed that BET should not have a separate channel. That it was sending messages of being all for ONE race and not inclusive of other races. That having there own network was perpetuating segregation. So I brought up Univision. I asked you what you thought of Latino's having our own channels. You told me you were ok with it. My response was, “so if you’re not ok with BET then you must be against the Spanish speaking networks?”

"It's different!” you said.

“How is it different?”

You talked about catering to a community who didn't understand the language… my rebuttal: “aaaaah but what's good for one is good for all.” I had to explain to you why I was absolutely ALL FOR Univision and BET having their OWN networks. We continued this long conversation about integration. “Lets look at the major networks (and not the token Latina, Black or Asian correspondent). Let’s look at how we people of color… are represented in the media (and please let’s leave out Ugly Betty for a moment that just happened yesterday). When you put people in a box separate from the majority… the people who are in the box are going to protect their own. We've always been in a box. On the outside, yeah a few of us have gotten out of the box and grabbed some crumbs on the way up the ladder, "passing for" whatever it is a person needs to pass for…to get ahead. I understand why it is we have had to create our own larger boxes on Univision & BET when we see that ABC, NBC and CBS aren't true representations of the people who live here in this country. Those of us in our little boxes have to create our own outlets, our own labels, start our own companies. Lets be serious… turn on the TV not much has changed. I completely support us and by us yes I AM talking about people of color… we must DO US… because waiting around for someone to give us crumbs will keep us hungry. IF YOU CAN’T FIND IT – BUILD IT!

You then asked me, "Mom lets pretend you're Jewish, you live in Israel, you read the torah. And in your bible you are told that the holy land is YOUR land. You are the chosen. What would you do?" Of course you were asking me how I would resolve the conflict between the Israeli and Palestinian people. You continued, "And the Palestinian's feel that it's their land because they were living there first. What's the peaceful solution to this problem?"

I must say you left me with my mouth open. I didn’t know how to respond to that. You stumped me. All my thoughts were going to come from the place of survivor mode. I wanted to stand in my fighter's stance. My initial thoughts were to protect my own. My response was going to come from the mind of a broken/wounded girl, who's a lion protecting her cub, from a community who has been stripped from those who would like to keep us stripped of our culture, our music, our history and on and on… but I needed to get back to your example and question.

“Ok! I’m a Jewish woman raised with the belief that the holy land is MY LAND. And I will do EVERYTHING including murder to take it… and I'm getting this from a bible. OK I have to say baby girl you pose a REALLY GREAT question. How do I resolve this conflict?”

After thinking about a response that would satisfy you I finally said, “I wouldn't have gone in and taken the land. I wouldn’t murder the people who were already there. I would have wanted to live there amongst them. I would have respected their space, their land, their customs, their community, their traditions and their religion. I would have welcomed what they bring. I would have understood that I am COMING TO THEIR HOUSE… I would have come in PEACE! I would have shared the land.”

And of course we got into it – the religious issue and the years of war. Finally after feeling defeated you said, "We will never be a whole people - - unless we integrate!"

I tried to bring you back to the topic at hand, which was BET and the only thing I could say to you was, “I know you don't like it. I know you wish things were different. Think about it… if Blacks and Latino's aren't being represented and are being kept from have their messages heard, their movies out, their books published then we MUST do it for ourselves.” You wanted to explode…and finally you just said, "we must get off our ASSES and do something to change it… it's not right!!!"

I was never more proud of you than in that moment. You stood up to me. You stood your ground. You held firm to your position. I was quite impressed. I had to give it to you… you didn't back down for a moment. You held on. Nothing could sway you. The fact that you choose, "Unity & Integration" to be your personal mission makes me proud. In that moment I knew I was raising a leader. I saw something in your eyes… a fire, strength and healthy rage. You have found your purpose, or one of your purposes… keep that fire burning little girl… you have found your mission. Give it your all and know that I got your back!

Where do I stand on integration? I feel that it's idealistic – NOT impossible – idealistic. I think it's very necessary. We have been living a way that doesn't work for too long.

Finally, you just looked at me exhausted after over an hour of conversation and you surrendered saying, "Mommy you're not really against integration? That's just one more person I need TO convince." My reply,
"No sweetie – I'm not against integration its just that right now I'm embracing who I AM, where I COME
FROM and the beautiful history that's interweaved in my veins. I am discovering and honoring my Latino/Black roots. That’s just where I am at - - but I'll get there. I believe that we will get there–with patience, understanding, peace, acceptance and love. In the meantime, get off your ass!” ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon.

Today I am being called to look at INTEGRATION…
Integrating what I am learning everyday. Integrating teachings into my everyday life, being able to detach from this world and really live. I am being called to truly BELIEVE in all that I am calling forth… I am being called to believe in my Spirit Space. I am being called to believe in me.
While I was meditating I saw this woman… she was from Egypt. An Egyptian Queen who wrote poetry. All the men loved her and the women… well…
Her beauty was beyond comparison…
Writing fiction…
Creating this world…
This is what I am thinking about today. Writing my fiction novel, the Daughters of the Revolution and taking everything that I’ve learning and integrating it into this story.
My mind is strong, but my body is weak…
I don’t want to do anything and I want to do everything all at the same time.
Creating characters…
Creating believable characters…
People we know… people we will love… people we will hate…
Creating a believable story and this incredible world using fiction.
This is what I am calling forth… holding my spiritual teachings while at the same time having fun in my made up world.

“You mean that you, a man who believes in parallel worlds and in the eternity of the present moment, feel absolutely nothing?” I feel tempted to tell him that what brought me to Russia in the first place was a conversation with J. about precisely that, my ability to connect with my spiritual side. Except that this is no longer true. Since I left London, I’ve been a different person, feeling calm and happy on my journey back to my kingdom and my soul.” ~ Aleph

Today, I am being called to play.
Today, I am being called to trust the writer’s process.
Today, I am being called to trust in my abilities.
Today, I am being called to just write the story.
Today, I am being called to release all fear…
Today, I will know that I am gifted and talented and this story is waiting for me to tell it.
~ For this knowing I am so grateful~
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

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