Day of the dead…
Last night, November 2nd marked the year celebration of Dia de los Muertos…
In honor of those who have died…
In honor of those who have left us…
In honor of our ancestors and loved ones who have transitioned…
Day of the Dead honors all those who have moved into their next life.
I am not feeling very well today. My body feels incredibly weak. I am not feeling particularly happy in this moment.
Perhaps it’s all the energy I am picking up on… people around me, people in my life… the pain of the world.
Where am I headed?
What does life really have in store for me in THE END?
This is what is coming up for me today in meditation… THE END!
There is such finality in—THE END!
She asked me to share with her what I was feeling. I told her that I had words on the tip of my tongue… two words.
She wanted to know what the two words were… actually she was badgering me to blurt it them out because she always wanted to know what was in my head because she never respected or understood that my process was/is to process.
So I gave her what she so desperately wanted to hear… my two words… THE END!
I wanted IT over. I wanted US over. We weren’t getting along. We no longer fit. The reasons for us meeting were foggy in that moment of fury.
It no longer mattered why we were together it was time for it to END… THE END!
Where do our loved ones go? Are they in a place called heaven? Are they in peace? Are they in paradise? Are they happy?
In that final moment before they left this place were they ready? Was Spirit waiting for them to crossover into the Kingdom? Or are we being called to find our way out of Hell and live in Heaven here on Earth… in the here and now?
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~
Dear Alicia, someone I love died last night. I am incredibly sad and scared. What will I do now without my true friend? My box has been with me since the day I was born~ it has kept me from harms way so many times~ now I must to learn to live without it~ You’ve been here for me through thick and thin~ It’s extremely sad to leave you~ You were the one constant in my life~ You were the one I could rely on~ You were the one who never failed me~ You were the one who never disappointed me~ You were the one who had my back… ride or die~
I never thought you would leave me~ But you have left me~ you're gone~ When those girls jumped me and had my hair wrapped around that pole you and my brother were there~ When men broke my heart you were there~ When women broke my heart you were there~ When I was hurting you made me smile and you were always there~ When I was hit you healed my wounds and you were there~ When I cried you wiped away my tears and you were there~ For every happy moment you were there~ For every sad moment you were there~ For everything you were there~ In my most scary moments you were there~ During the worst of my "learned errors" you were there~ When life seemed difficult you were there~ When I didn't believe in me you were there~ When my 4th grade teacher made fun of me you were there~ When I was lonely you were there~ When I was scared you were there~ When I was in pain you were there~ A part of me wants to hold onto you but I know I can't~ I must let you go~ You will always be apart of me I will never forget you~ I thank you for all you have brought me – goodbye dear friend – may you rest in peace~ May “the force be with you!”
Cielo finally shared with me the story about the moment she lost her voice.
I didn’t speak because I was afraid that no one would love me… that no one would listen. I was afraid to be in this place alone. I wanted to feel valued, valuable and worthy. I wanted to feel worthy of love. What would it feel like if I were in this place alone? There was something I was resisting. I was afraid of speaking up and speaking out. I am ready to fight for what I believe in now. I am prepared to fight for all the injustices. Why did I lock my voice in that box? I didn’t like the sound of my voice. What would happen if I let my voice in? It would be deafening? My voice would be beautifilled. My voice is full of love, truth and honor. What does my voice sound like? What does it feel like? It’s moving. It inspires. It is a great force. It is hope, strength and power. My voice speaks for those who are silent, full of pain and invisible. Allowing my voice in has made me unstoppable. My life is transformed. Voice is my FORCE and we are invincible.
My memoir, Finding Your Force, is divided into three parts: Birth, Death and Rebirth. I intentionally chose them as headings because I have gone through the cycles many times in this lifetime and I am sure millions of times in past lives.
BIRTH is just that… about the many births of ALICIA and the beautiful daughter I have brought into this world in addition to the many projects I have given birth to.
Then there is DEATH… after moving through the breakdowns, the depression, the sadness, the grief, and the loss… once I understood what ENDINGS really mean for me I can anticipate with excitement that every perceived loss or ending is in a fact a new beginning and I look forward to its coming.
And finally, REBIRTH… this is where I get to begin again… I get to do it again… I get to do it differently… in rebirth the cycle begins again. New beginnings… new start… fresh perspective.
As I begin this day I call forth all things that do not serve me to DIE in me and I ask Spirit to BIRTH new forms of being and I am so excited at its coming.
Today, I am being called to acknowledge the death of things that no longer serve me.
Today, I will know that I am birthing new projects, ideas and a life filled with love, peace, happiness, abundance and joy.
Today, I allow the old to die.
Today, I am ordering my life and readying it for all the wonderful blessings that are coming to me.
~ For this knowing I am so grateful~
Today, I honor my ancestors, my guardian angels and Spirit Guides and thank the all for always protecting me.
And so it is~
© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012