Monday, February 13, 2012
Arriving to WHOLENESS~ dedicated to Whitney Houston
Before I begin my work on the Afrolatinos script I wanted to do a freewrite to get some things out of my body. I thought it might be good idea to do it together.
The word I am meditating on today is BROKEN…
Define Broken.... PART 1: write for five minutes without stopping. No censors... no editing... just write... PART 2: for ten minutes write about WHOLENESS~ what keeps us from arriving to wholeness and what that would wholeness like? 10 minutes without stopping~ GO
Part 1: Define Broken – 5 minute freewrite
The easiest thing that comes to mind is a broken heart… but it’s much deeper than that. It isn’t so simple. Broken at its core is a complete dismantle, devastation and call for help. I am thinking about broken people. I have been one of these people. Broken to me starts with a past that completely broke me down. People that did not understand me. People that wanted to change me. PRESSURE…
I am thinking about Whitney Houston in this moment and the many people who are judging and speculating about how she lived her life and who she was. What they fail to see is that she is (was) a sister, someone’s mother, a daughter and friend. I don’t pretend to know what she was going through. Only she knew her story. But my heart makes me wonder was she BROKEN?
Broken implies that there is no way to put something together… a complete shattering… but broken can mean some other things… perhaps we are supposed to get down on our hands and knees and pick up the broken pieces and one by one try and put it together… stress, addiction, heartache, anxiety, depression, loneliness, loss, regret, self hate, anger, abuse, alcoholism TIMES UP!
Part 2: what keeps us from arriving to wholeness and what would WHOLENESS look like 10 minutes without stopping~
As I begin this second part of the freewrite my heart hurts… the alarm scared the heck out of me… it was as if something was rising inside of me that I felt like I was breaking from the inside… my chest is beating really fast. But that just means that this discomfort that I am feeling—is good. I need to use it and keep going. So lets go…
What keeps us from arriving to wholeness and what would wholeness look like?
I need to change that sentence because I cannot and will not speak for anyone but me. What has kept me from arriving to wholeness? It may seem cliché or something that I have told myself over and over again… but my past has kept me from arriving at my wholeness. I held on for so long… death grip holding on… to my past like it was the most comfortable blanket ever created.
My past is what BROKE me… experiences of my present devastated my… but all and all it was all the CRaP I CHOSE to hold onto. The past has kept me from arriving~ it IS that simple… it is that TRUTH. People from my past, my past story, words from my past, experiences from my past, mistakes from my past… a past I NO LONGER have to live in the present. We are writing a NEW STORY PEOPLE!
What would my wholeness look like? MY GOD! Just the thought of it excites me. The possibilities ARE endless. ALICIA IN ALL HER WHOLENESS…
I have examined all – most of all - the many broken pieces of me and my past…. I have held them close, slept with the pieces in my bed… one by one allowing them to cut me to feel the pain just a little longer, feeling it just a little deeper. But I’m done with that….
What my wholeness looks like… it is blinding… it is magical… it is complete… it is beautiful. It is everything that I AM.
My wholeness is health, faith, spirit, truth, compassion, love, kindness, generosity, understanding and patient!
What my wholeness looks like is GRATITUDE for every single thing I get to experience and every single thing that I have.
Today is a new day. As I sit here a little sad over the loss of Whitney Houston… I am grateful that I am alive and always have an opportunity to make another choice. To strive at wholeness every single day. I have a new commitment to me… a new commitment for my daughter. A new commitment to life. A new commitment towards everything I was born to do. And for this commitment I am so grateful. And so it is~ TIME IS UP
Breathe~ sit still…. Stay in this moment…
Deep inhale~ THANK YOU
Slow exhale~ thank you
Have a magnificent day!
And to Whitney Houston's daughter... I am sending you a special prayer... sending you so much love... as a mother I am sending you a MOTHERS LOVE... a mothers strength... a mothers wisdom... a mothers EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED... to help you move through this moment... to help you LIVE THROUGH THIS MOMENT... you are not alone and your mommy is right there next to you... FEEL HER!
Your mother was the first person to give me HOPE!
I will never forget HER!!!! THIS IS WHITNEY!!!
FIND YOUR STRENGTH IN LOVE!!!!
Luz para tu espiritu... gracias por tu LUZ!