I was crying and incredibly emotional because I am so happy! I can actually feel all the changes that are happening for me and around me… right now… in this moment… as it is happening.
It feels so amazing.
I am not sure if I am even expressing what I am feeling accurately because it’s just so powerful that I don’t have the words to describe how wonderful this feels.
Growing up Catholic, right before I was about to receive communion (which was always my favorite part of service) I really loved the idea that I was receiving the body of Christ. Can you imagine how powerful that is for a child to hear?
Yet I didn’t believe it fully. Nor did I understand what it all meant.
Then as I got older and began to question my faith, communion was still the part of church service that I appreciated the most. This idea that I was being forgiven for all of my sins just by simply saying:
“Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.”
There was something comforting about that!
Acknowledging that I am NOT worthy to receive “you” but only when “you” say the word, “I” would be healed.
When I came out as a lesbian I began to end my relationship with the Catholic Church, but my love for Christ didn’t end.
Although my spiritual practice has transformed into this beautiful practice that serves ME and feels welcoming and comforting and RIGHT for ME… every once in a while I still end my prayers with an “Our Father…” or I will say, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.” In this way I honor my Catholic ancestors who I know are always with me.
But something happened today… something beautiful. After praying for everyone and everything I was in the middle of closing my prayer and out loud I started to say:
I am not wort…
I stopped myself right there! And that’s when it happened… I started crying because I felt such an amazing feeling come over me. I felt spirit loving on me and I finished my prayer saying:
I AM WORTHY to receive you… I AM HEALED!
And I cried with joy. The SUN/Son smiled on me through the windows of my daughter’s dorm as I saw my reflection. Tears running down my cheeks. My eyes were completely glistening. I was somehow different. I was experiencing an epiphany and my transformation all in one single moment!
I held my heart… I smiled at myself and allowed all the tears to bathe me… to cleanse me… I released all of it. In that moment a beautiful butterfly flew passed the window.
I stopped and took a picture of my reflection so that I could always remember the exact moment when I knew… when I KNOW that I AM WORTHY… and I AM HEALED!
And so it is~