Friday, June 5, 2009

It will FIND you~

Words I am meditating on today are:


Take CARE… is the perfect message for me to start this day… I started the day slower than most days… waited for my house to get quiet… did my yoga, meditation and prayers… and I feel so good right now…

FIND… this word can be defined my many of us in so many ways… love, money, success, titles, cars, houses, travel…

“FIND: Find your life’s work… YOU were NOT put on this earth to simply work for a living~ DISCOVER what you were meant to do~” Tsmiley

What are we looking for?
What is that we want?
Where do we see ourselves?
If we could be doing one thing for the rest of our lives what would that ONE thing be?
What have you found?

Find it~

Search for it~

How will you know when you’ve found it?

There are people who have a clear plan, direction… means of achieving and having everything and anything they want… they have a way of turning their desires into reality…

If you’re anything like me… you weren’t taught how to FIND it… and if you are a lot like me… we like to learn things the HARD way… and that search doesn’t always come easy… and it rarely looks pretty…


How did I know that I FOUND IT?

How did I know WHEN I found it?

How did I know that I FOUND that thing that I wanted to do for the rest of my life?

How did I find my Life’s PURPOSE?

For me it was a life or death thing. I wanted and needed my daughter to know about me… I felt like I was running out of time and wasting my life… I knew that if I wrote it… she would know the truth… unfiltered and uncensored by those in my life with their many versions of how they believe I lived my life… I decided that if anyone was going to dish my dirt - - it was going to be ME…

I wanted to leave a road map into my heart~

I wanted to show her my pains… my wounds… my scars…

I wanted to show her the rawness of life’s cruelties~

I wanted to show her how I HEAL~

I wanted to show her how to be REAL~

I wanted to show her how to FALL and get right back UP~

I wanted to show her how to LOVE~

So a memoir about my life sounded like a good idea…

The working title is: BECOMING ME~ It’s ok in my skin~

I wanted her to look at what it has taken for ME to BECOME ME

What it took to get here~

What I continue to get wrong~

What I know I do right~

How I hit the floor and get right up, lick my wounds and keep it moving~

How easy it is for me to give and share love~

Why it is I am so TRUSTING~

How easy it is for me to remove things that are bad for my soul~
Why I am NEVER afraid of LOVING~

A memoir… into my life… I would write a memoir JUST FOR HER… in case she had any questions or confusion…

What I have FOUND to be the truth about this journey… is that NO MATTER what you’re doing in your life or where you are at… where you are RIGHT NOW… THAT its where you’re supposed to be… and as long as you are on that journey… towards that thing you desire… you WILL find that THAT thing you are looking for… has a funny way of FINDING YOU~

Now ORIGINAL… this word makes me think of my girl V~ she IS an original… but what I don’t think she knows is that she is an INSPIRATION to me… I ADMIRE her… her ORIGINALITY… her strength… the beauty… the softness in her warrior spirit…

“ORIGINAL: You’re an original… EXPLORE your true talents… don’t copy or pass off others work as your own~ STEP out on FAITH to bring forth something unique and fresh~” Tsmiley

A confession… for a while I would read my friend Vanessa’s work and wished I could write like HER… she has a colorful and vivid way of expressing herself with words…her vocabulary VAST… ivy league kinda vast… brilliant… that’s what she is… she has a way of letting you know in the most articulate, intellectual and ghetto-fabulous way of EXACTLY WHERE you can go with the nonsense you’re spewing~ I admire that about her.

I mentioned to my daughter one day… “I wish I could say things in my writing the way V does…” and she just looked at me and said… “MOM, V writes beautifully… her words are wonderful… her style is HER OWN… that’s HER VOICE… you write well too… you’re VOICE is special…” and I smiled and said thank you~

What does be ORIGINAL mean to me?

I have an original idea—MY NOVEL… it has NEVER been written~
Which makes sense for me… because I am an ORIGINAL~ and its my story to tell~
There has never been and will never be anyone LIKE ME~


It will find you if you let it~


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