Friday, January 25, 2008

In the Shadows~

The "I" we show others.

Some of us live in the shadows never really showing who we are.

What do you have to hide?

You show no vulnerabilities
You walk as if you are perfect
You THINK you possess
Complete control

I am torn
I feel like yes
We are made
In the likeness
Then aren't we perfect?

YOU would like
To MAKE me out to be
Your perfect image
Of me

I am conflicted by ONE
Who's easy to figure out
Who has something to hide?

This is the story of the man who wants to believe he loves himself but fears showing who he is to the world. It's difficult to pick up on his cues - - "but you held my hand I've shared my secrets with you", why is it that he doesn't express every single emotion? I think it stung him when I called him arrogant… he wanted to hurt me… but did it really surprise him to hear the truth - - I don't think so - - I believe he has been accused of this before… in fact I am sure he's been called selfish~

What is your truth?

I spoke with a friend yesterday about being vulnerable to people - - I think it's wonderful to find one or some we can share those things that make us hurt, to share our strengths and weaknesses.

The flaw is when you believe yourself not weak at all - -
That you are somehow better than the rest of us - -
That you KNOW ALL…
That you are the END ALL~

It's beautiful when we can find people we can share our private parts with. But for the relationship to work - - it musts work both ways. The people we choose to grow with must be vulnerable also… your VULNERABILITIES for me translate into truth. If I share something personal with you and you never share anything personal with me then the relationship is ONE WAY/one sided - - this is very telling about a person - -it tells me a lot about how they show up in the world… YOU'RE A SHADOW IN MY EYES…as you walk with me. It shows me that they are a person who likes to receive but doesn't give. This to me is not honorable. And in relationships we SHOULD share… I don't give all of me… and you none of you~

She was vulnerable to you…
She's confused.
She believes in you
You make her question her
Unsure she knows who you are

I told her there is nothing to be confused about - - when one is comfortable with themselves they don't fear being who THEY ARE - - and they don't fear showing YOU who THEY ARE… it's when YOU hide behind the disguises of your words… I feel that when people have issues disclosing things its because they have something to hide or something they haven't dealt with - - either way they are hiding from themselves - - REMIX - - they are fooling themselves… being VULNERABLE is about being open… when you honor you then that's the best kind of love~

To my beautiful friend don't allow another to confuse you or make you question you… if I share intimacies with you and you don't return the favor (for me trust returns the favor with trust) to me this is very revealing - - what does it tell me… when one feels they TRUST someone its usually reciprocated automatically (someone I love showed me just how much they trusted me this weekend).

When you are vulnerable there are no walls – well maybe we keep some up until we are completely comfortable - - but you know where you stand – you don't question me because I give you no reason to. If I have a wall up and share that with you I am showing you that I trust you with the truth about where I am at and who I truly AM….

One sided relationships NEVER work… it will be lonely. We must be careful of who we choose to be in our lives. Are they here to deplete us? If I give and you take…that is not LOVE!

She Hangs on your every word - -
You want her power
And the power over others- - -
She is magnificent
You make her question
HER truth

She thinks…
Maybe I should take his truth
THE truth

I walk in truth
This is what my namesake means

So I see the truth
I see YOU

Even when my truth hurts
Even when my truth is me lying to me
Even when my truth is ugly
Even when my truth is raw
Even when my truth is love
Even when my truth is pain
Even when my truth is dark
Even when my truth is a curse word that comforts me


Why are we confused about people who show us who they are…even when they show us NOTHING? Believe THEM - - they are in fact showing us who they are - - BELIEVE IT… to my friend when you find yourself in the middle of questioning you - -TRUST IT - - trust what you feel - - trust that your body smells a lie (you asked me - - what do I think his words lack) my response is TRUTH… you my beautiful friend know the truth… when something doesn't jive - - this is when we must trust ourselves.

There's no coincidence
I too have been deceived
By HIS words
But MY words are stronger

It's about being authentic

He knows his game
He has NO game
He's a fraud

The young one
Must wake
To what's before her…
She's innocent
Believes in that YOUNG LOVE

He ain't slick
Who do you think you are?
Don't waste my time
The regal one
Needs to wake up to your game - -

Fake ass delirious love - -
It's a fraud
China doll - -
He wants to control you
You're porcelain - -
Easy to MAKE into
What he desires

I call him self deception

"What we call LOVE - - someone who needs ME, someone who cares about ME—isn't love; its selfishness. How can that work? Selfishness doesn't work because there is no love there" from the Mastery of Love

You asked me what I saw as his flaw…it's his SELFISHNESS - - it's what I pick up as his untruth. And that my dear is NOT love~ not the love I know and believe in~

If you believe what I believe
I love you if…
You never
Question me…
Take all I say
All I offer
As absolute
Never have ideas of your own

Hang on to his
Every word
Worship him
Praise him
Pray my prayers in your name

Desperation will do anything for your love
That is not LOVE

Will say anything
Believe anything
Be anything
Whatever you wish me to be

But who are you?

Stop pretending to be who you are not
You said
I like my independence
I have goals
Plus I am making similar connections with at least three different women


And the young one
Will succumb
You're a shadow
Not really there
She's adaptable
Like clay
Mold her
She's in a cage
And you'll never let her fly

She's young
Hasn't lived
Doesn't really see you
For who you are
She'll buy into your pretty words
Backed with NO action

I don't feel sorry for her
I admire her
She believes
She believes in love
She believes in you
Something you don't even do

She has more than what you bring
You're aren't worthy of her~
You are what lurks in the shadows

Do you share your vulnerabilities?
Who are you?
When you're not being you who are you?


I offer this blog to my Luis Diaz Sr. who was the epitome of TRUTH and TRUST~
I miss you Lou~ Te adoro… thanks for flying with me~

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