Sunday, January 13, 2008

Talk to me~

How do we hold onto our peace?
How do we release the noise?
How do we let go of the chaos that surrounds us?
How do we keep our cool?
How do we get quiet?
How do we talk about what bothers us?

Yesterday morning's yoga session was incredibly challenging. The distractions during meditation and yoga started my morning on a really negative note. I was in a BAD way! I already woke up carrying some stuff from a phone conversation that disturbed me and left me feeling dark inside. But I really wanted to let it go… I didn't want to carry it into my day. I certainly didn't want it to ruin my weekend - - especially since I had great plans.

How do I release it? Why was my yoga session so difficult?

Without mentioning any names someone I live with woke up at some insanely early hour to start organizing and shuffling paper work - - ripping up stuff, walking by me while I was on the floor… pushing papers into the trash can… there was no quiet… In that moment I was agitated… irritated… uncomfortable couldn't find my center… my peace was slipping from my fingers… there was a lot of movement around me - - a lot of noise… and instead of focusing inwards and blocking out the sound I allowed it over power me…I put on my headphones and was listening to a cd called Sounds of Peace…but the only sounds I was hearing was fury…

I was having difficulty holding my poses – - I lost all concentration - - my mind was preoccupied with words, thoughts, conversations, people, all the errands and the object of my agitation and annoyance…there was a moment I stopped during one of my stretches and started crying because I couldn't get to my place – I couldn't get quiet, I couldn't find my peace - - I didn't feel safe in my own space – I HAVE NEVER FELT LIKE THAT… I felt off balance like the energy in my home was off…and I didn't know how to COMMUNICATE what I was feeling…I wasn't sure if it was the person moving around me or everything I had on my mind…on top of that her movement was making me anxious and I felt it in my chest… whatever energy the yoga interrupter was carrying was being transferred onto me as well as all the weight I was carrying.

I was on the phone with a very SPECIAL SOMEONE in my life who I'll call HARMONY…I mentioned that I was feeling really off and not in a good place and that I didn't want to talk about it. I am not sure if Harmony has gotten used to the fact that when I am going through something I normally don't want to discuss it right away… but Harmony TRIES to respect my wishes and NOT push… I asked if we would chat about it later… and the only words Harmony said to me was - - WEST SIDE STORY… those three simple words changed my mood instantly –I started laughing – it was that easy to shift a negative emotion into a positive state of being.

Harmony knows that this is my ALL TIME favorite musical and movie… and while Harmony couldn't help me fix the problem Harmony did know exactly what to say to bring a smile to my face…our brief communication was just what I needed to bring me back…

How do we communicate what we need effectively without it being perceived as an unwillingness to share?
What if what we are going through has nothing to do with the person who wants to try and help us get through it?
How do we communicate our needs?
How do we communicate PERIOD?
How do we have a relationship with ANYONE without good communication?

I have been thinking about my relationship with Harmony and how we communicate for the most part it's really good we are able to talk about all kinds of things. But there are also some things that both Harmony and I don't talk about. There are things that haven't been shared by both parties. There are things about me that Harmony doesn't understand. There are things about Harmony that I don't know. But my feeling is that if I am going through something if it deals directly with Harmony then yes WE should deal with it - - but if its MY stuff I just need some time – some patience. And all else will be revealed.

There's the me~
There's the you~
There's the WE~

In ALL our associations we come as individuals… we bring our own special something to the mix… my special something seems to be that I shut down and run… well not run… I halt, pause, get quiet and retreat. What I tend to do is commune with myself before reaching out to anyone. YES communication is incredibly important - - but there is a TIME and a PLACE and very specific people we should turn to.

There's a time to commune with a higher source, a time to commune with a good friend, a time to commune with our life companion, a time to commune with ourselves.

The thing is - - those in our lives want to be there for us… they want to try and help us work through our problems… they want to offer suggestions and solutions to aid us in getting out of the darkness sooner. THEY WANT TO BE HERE FOR US… And they are blessings in our lives.

But for ME there is a moment when I must travel alone. It's very personal for me - - its very important for me to connect to a higher place internally and while those in our lives have wonderful intentions - - for me when I need to commune - - I need to do so privately.

Allow me to come to you.

What I have been trying to provide for myself is a foundation – a solid foundation of healthy communication? I am practicing a new way of communicating where I can come and speak in LOVE.

The other thought I had was that I find it interesting to hear someone say "let be here for you I want to take care of you." And then when we reach out and take them on that offer there's a sense that they now think we are needy… I guess I had to get to a place where I needed to work out my stuff on my own so I wouldn't be accused of taking advantage of people in my life or being called a needy woman.

At the same time I recognize that I have to be open and WILLING to COMMUNICATE… while my foundation is solid it's important to walk this walk with the people we love. Communing allows me to move through my life and confront all my experiences in a more open way - - in a more understanding way and I certainly don't want to do it ALL on my own. However, there's always some inner work I have to do alone before I can become a WE~

But I definitely want you to TALK TO ME~

How do we protect ourselves from negative people?
How do we protect our space?
How do you communicate?


No comments: