It’s all about WHO you know~
In my twenties I met this fabulous woman (I’ll call her Lovely~) for me it was an instant connection… she’s confidant, lives richly, intelligent, a great cook, a beautiful spirit, a good mother and great friend and she was some years older than me with wisdom to pass down. We were at the very beginning of our relationship just getting to know each other and in the first 30 minutes of me being in her home I had shared my entire life story.
Lovely interrupted me and was like; “Can I tell you something? You don’t know me from Adam. You shared all this stuff about your life and your past and you don’t even know me. You don’t know how I will use the information you shared. You can’t just EVERYONE with all your business. You can’t trust just ANYBODY with your stuff. You shouldn’t give or tell everyone your personal story because you don’t know what they will do with YOUR information.”
I sat there a little sad I must admit… I thought we were friends. I felt comfortable with Lovely. I didn’t feel threatened by her in the least bit. I was sharing a little bit about me so she could get to know the REAL me better (OK A WHOLE LOT ABOUT ME…IN 2.5 SECONDS) but I didn’t see anything wrong with what I was sharing. And I kind of felt bad - - like I had done something wrong.
On the phone last night with a friend (I’ll call him My Companion) he and I were discussing connecting with people. The importance of making connections - - I am trying to remember what he said - - and how he phrased it… it was an analogy about creating art… writing, painting, music, theatre… and while creating our art is wonderful it’s truly more about HOW we connect with another person that is truly where CREATION lives.
The night before last night I met a man who’s just looking for a bit of (Understanding & Acceptance) who is going through a tough time in his marriage. A man who is just looking for some understanding and acceptance from the woman he loves. He shared much about his life - - and I couldn’t imagine shutting myself down from listening to his story… it was important for me to not only connect with him but understand and accept him for who he is and where he came from.
And then last week I met (Bernardo)… here’s what I wrote about that experience:
I am at Bliss and feel full of bliss.
Bernardo was my massage therapist.
The experience and what it felt like was a deep connection. I learned that he worked in the finance business and that after being there for some time he decided that he needed a change telling me that, “there’s more to life than money”. He was no longer fulfilled. He was working in an industry that did not bring him joy and peace. He shared that he’s been giving massages for two years and loves it. Where else can you find a job where you CONNECT with another human being on a personal level? Where else can you have a conversation with NO WORDS? He told me that my body told him so much about me – that my body was telling him a story. He told me he loved what he does and how happy he was that he can take his job everywhere and anywhere. He shared that giving massages was like a meditation for him. That he loved that he could give something to someone else - - where before he was just taking.
When he was done sharing his thoughts and experiences with me it was my turn to share. I told him I was a writer and I asked him: what it was that he learned about me - - he told me that I carry a lot in my upper body… that there are MANY THOUGHTS all at once. He said that I carry a lot in my back, spine and shoulders. I asked him what it was he learned about himself from our time together. And unfortunately I never got the answer to my question because we were out of time.
What I would have shared with Bernardo about my time with him is how grateful I felt to have connected with him - - and how important I feel it is to connect with another human being. I would have told him that I loved that he called his job a meditation (I never heard him use the word job to describe what he does). I would have told him that I could tell he was joy filled and not because he was a man touching my body or seeing parts of me without clothes on. I would have told him that while I gained so much from him I know that he gained something from me as well. I would have expressed what I was feeling…that we were both afforded and blessed with the opportunity to get to know someone on a different level. It had nothing to do with the service I paid for but how we served one another. He was truly a gift to me…it was much better than the massage. I met a person who truly loves life and loves what he does for NO other reason than sharing love with a perfect stranger.
What I learned about me is that connecting to others is incredibly important. What I learned from Bernardo is that trust can be found in stillness. What I learned from Lovely is that not everyone will have the best of intentions. What I learned from my Companion is that time reveals all things but for today ALL IS GOOD. What I learned from Understanding and Acceptance is that connections work both ways… all parties need to feel comfortable, trusting, and open to one another’s experience. And what I have learned from everyone I have come in contact with whether you are in my inner or outer circle is that I love you all for what you bring me.
What I know to be true about me then and now… I think there was a time in my life where I would mold myself for what the connection CALLED for or NEEDED or was REQUIRED in the particular moment. When I was around my people there is a certain comfort level in speech that’s appropriate to that sector. When I am with my family we speak in Spanish or Spanglish and in very high/loud pitches. When I am with the writers from my writers group - - we are writers and that’s what we discuss. When I am with my best friend it’s a combination of all the different varieties of me… I like to make people feel comfortable and CONNECT with them in the way I feel the method calls is appropriate for that moment AND I LOVE ALL THE MANY FLAVORS THAT I COME IN… in the end what’s important is that a connection be made.
Connections are gifts - - it truly is about giving and sharing.
How do you pick and choose the people who will be in your circle?
Do you have guidelines for who does or doesn’t make it onto your VIP list?