Meditation 51: The Voices That Cry ~ Day 34

Each Voice Cries... my meditation this morning was powerful!!!

“You are now in a position to turn any specific condition of discord, and, speaking with complete authority, to know that your word will reverse it.” ~ Ernest Holmes

Today I woke up so angry. I woke up incredibly angry. I woke up mad because things were not going the way I planned. I am mad because things haven’t been going the way I wanted them to go.

I have put myself in an awkward position.

This morning started off all wrong.

My dreams were absolutely disturbing and down right crazy. There were many people tugging at me. In the dream there were people from my past…  1985… these people were pulling at me… I found myself pulling at this beautiful woman—pulling her towards me… there was a tug of war happening.

I am being pushed and pulled. I am feeling pulled in one way or the other. I am being pulled away from what it is important to me.

This tug of war is a push and pull to be…

A push and pull to give…

A push and pull to say…

A push and pull to stay…

I won’t be pushed or pulled!

I don’t want to hold this anger any more~

Today, I am choosing to stand in LOVE and peace.

I yelled at my building superintendent, management office and the exterminator all in one moment this morning. I yelled at them because I was not getting what I wanted and what I wanted was for everything to be perfect according to ME.

Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~

I feel an intrusion. I feel as though my life is polluted. I need space. I want time alone. I need to be left alone. No one in my circle seemed to recognize this. No one seems to realize that I need time for me. How do I tell them what I need without hurting their feelings? I was a walking fungus. It spread into all areas of my life and began to pollute me. The problem was that I wasn’t speaking up for myself. I wasn’t voicing what I needed and this fungus turned into an infection, which turned into rage and anger. I was angry because I didn’t check people who needed to be checked. What are the things that form me? What is it that I believe to be true about me? Why do I get nervous when I need to speak up on something? Why am I afraid to stand up for myself? I was replaying in mind all the ways I have stayed quiet.  What have been the moments that have impacted me the most in my life? Sometimes you have to sit in the darkness and feel everything. I needed to sit in the darkness. Darkness moves all around me and through me. Everything from my past had seeped into my body. Everyone I met impacted me in some way. I was hearing stories about how women were treated and mistreated by men who say they love them. I was so angry. I had to sit back and watch…

~

When I got back from traveling I felt so pulled by my circle to do things and go places. What I needed was to BE STILL and be home with you. I needed time to reflect and rest. I didn’t want to talk to my EX. I didn’t want to visit anyone. I didn’t want people in our house all day everyday. I didn’t want to respond to emails. I wanted time alone with you and I should have said that. When something bothers me I should say something. When I see injustice I must say something. We must say something. We must tell people what we feel and what we need. We must call people on their shit when their words are out of line. This fungus was about me not honoring what I was feeling and all that I was afraid to say. I was not speaking up in the moments that something occurs. I was allowing things to build. I was always worried about how others would feel. ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon.com

I will not carry anyone~

I will not carry anyone’s emotions~

I will not carry anyone’s pain~

Their stuff is not my job to fix~

Today, I choose to release every negative thought or condition, knowing that it is erased from my experience.

“I surrender everything that seems imperfect to that which is complete and whole.” ~ Ernest Holmes

I AFFIRM:

I refuse to feel bad about what I want~

I refuse to feel bad about what I deserve~

I will not carry your pain~

I will not be blamed for your hurt~

I am not responsible for you~

I am not here to save anyone~

I can only save myself~

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ By Mary Oliver ~

I AFFIRM:

Today, I choose to leave their voices behind, and am determined to save the only life I can save!

Today, I will know that there is no law for me but my own soul shall set it, under the one great Law of all life. I remember to turn to the light within. 

I believe in myself. 

Spirit is right where I am.

Today, I am choosing to disconnect and honor my union with me.

I live in a kingdom of peace, love, joy, power and plenty.

I am in Union with Spirit.

Spirit sees through me, Spirit is my thoughts; Spirit is my words and deeds.

All is well~

And so it is~

Aché~