Day 19: 40 Days~
Today I am sitting with the words my place~ in meditation I started to think about my Rightful Place. Not this place of poverty, stress, drama, limitation, frustration, sadness and loneliness. This is not my Rightful Place. My Rightful Place is a Spirit Space. It implies that I am where I am destined to be and that is my RIGHT to be here. And not only is it my Rightful Place, but I recognize that all that I receive is my Divine inheritance.
The end of anything is the beginning of something new and this is a new place. My Rightful Place... living from this space. I am called to remember this always. That is my meditation today! Remembering who I am and who's I am!
I am feeling good today. I am seated in the most beautiful chair at the head of the most magnificently decorated table, filled with delicious foods and fruits, eating off of the finest chine, in my Rightful Place~
I release all fear knowing that “thy will… will be done.” Alicia, You will arrive! You will have all you desire. You have it all now! You are whole and complete! All is well! I begin this day knowing that all is unfolding perfectly and in Divine order. I trust Spirit. I am open. I am still and know.
Mother, father God, thank you for this blessing that is this day. I am ready!
“All poetry, wit, knowledge and art of the ages cannot alter the fact that love alone gets love, peace alone attracts peace, only that which goes forth in joy can return with gladness—give and to you shall be given, and the type multiplied, good measure, running over and pressed down.
If you can see God in everything, then God will look back at you through everything. This is the meaning of that saying “Act as though I am, and I will be.” This is the law of give and take. When the time comes that nothing goes forth from you other than that which you would be glad to have return, then you will have reached your heaven.” This Thing Called You~ Ernest Holmes
This is OUR RIGHTFUL PLACE: The time has come… where that which comes FROM me… will be returned to me. I treat others the way I want to be treated.
I am certain that all I desire is mine.
I am sure that this is the path of my destiny.
I am grateful for every experience of my life.
I am infinite possibilities.
I expect favorable results.
I accept my Rightful Place in the kingdom.
I am worthy of the gift that is my life.
And so it is~
Believing the words and experiences that we have endured are the very things that keep us completely broken. We allow the past to paralyze us to block us. We are the ones holding ourselves back. We keep ourselves broken. It takes tremendous courage to face ourselves, deal with whatever demons we have, look deeply at our pains and all the darkness. If we look closely enough that demon we’re looking to blame may be as close as looking in the mirror. If we can endure whatever comes our way we grow stronger and get closer to finding our force.
I realized something at the end of writing this (my aha moment) is that the thing that has kept me broken is the loss of trust, the loss of innocence and how I would spend the majority of my adult life searching for that thing to piece together all that was broken and robbed from me. It would take me many years to find that force within me - - that strength in me that never fails. I had finally found my force!
We decided not to respond to my coworkers email. In the house we performed a ritual. We were going to handle it spiritually. I allowed you to respond to her and say everything you needed to say her including using profanity if need be. We were going to burn the letter inch by inch releasing it into the universe. As we read each line and burned all the pieces of paper, while the paper went up in flames I noticed something. I started blowing on a sheet of paper when these words jumped out at me, “How dare you want to write for Essence, you ain’t black! Why don’t you write for Latina magazine? It’s not your place!”
She knew my dreams. She knew that I wanted to write for Essence magazine. She knew exactly how to hurt me. When she told me it wasn’t “MY PLACE,” I saw that as a direct message. It was a sign. She would never know that her email would be the inspiration for my greatest gift.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR ~ It’s not your place~ August 2007
I have been preparing for this moment for what must have been my entire life. Never really knowing what it was I was preparing for, when or if my dreams were ever really going to come true. I was so inspired after we burned that email. I believed that I was onto something really special I had an amazing story idea.
I sat with the words Its NOT your Place! It’s not my place! It reminded me of the times when I was a little girl and would go to Santo Domingo where the kids would make fun of me. Mira esa gringita. Because I was born in the United States they called me gringa. To me the word gringa felt very unwelcoming. They weren’t trying to compliment me. I felt excluded. They thought that this gringa couldn’t speak Spanish and that I couldn’t dance. I kicked all their asses dancing to every kind of music every time I went.
When you’re a little girl you want so much to belong. I think I grew up my entire life trying to find that place where I belonged. Coming up in the 70’s in New York, there was one of two groups I could belong to. You were either black or white. I wasn’t light enough to be white and I wasn’t dark enough to be black. There was no Latino. Those who were a hint of beige darker than the average white person were automatically black. So hearing as an adult it’s not your place threw me. It jumpstarted my heart and pushed me towards finding my place. It was a moment of revelation and self-acceptance. For me it became, wait a minute, not only am I Latina, but I am black too. Not only is it my right, it’s my place to write our story. ~Finding Your Force A Journeyto Love~
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