My phone started
ringing like crazy…
I was in a deep
sleep and having the most deliciously sexy dream that for the life of me I can’t
seem to remember now, when my phone started ringing like crazy. I jumped up and
didn’t recognize the number yet I answered it anyway. I was still asleep when
she said, Alicia Anabel…
Her voice… so
soft… so tender… so gentle…
I knew who it
was immediately. She told me that she had been trying to reach me for three
weeks and that she would be returning to Cuba soon.
I stopped her
from speaking and told her that I could hear sadness in her voice. I asked her
what was wrong.
“Alicia, haven’t you seen the news?” she
said.
She told me that
a cyclone destroyed her beloved Santiago de Cuba. Her mother who is in her
nineties lost everything, her sister and brother have been crying non-stop. The
cyclone took everything… it took the roof right off of their house, eleven
people have died and there is so much damage. That they are without food,
water, and electricity. She cried as she told me that her mother was hungry.
I was wide-awake
now!
I immediately
jumped into: What do we need to get done? How can I help? My mind started
moving a million miles a second. After hanging up with her I began planning,
doing, moving, calling – and then something happened that would just put me
over the top—it was the end of the world.
My cell phone fell off my bed onto the
floor…
Did I not
mention that all this moving and shaking I’ve been doing was all happening from
my bed as I was still in my unmentionables?
I picked up my
phone, which is completely cracked from a fall it took in August in the
Dominican Republic on a cement floor, which left the screen cracked in a 100
places. However, the phone still functioned yet people could not believe that I
would hold the phone anywhere near my face.
When I went to
turn my phone on it was black. I stared to cry a little. I was crying like a
kid who did something wrong and who mommy would be punishing. I started to get
angry because I was in the middle of sending out an important email and now I
couldn’t. I was also upset because I had made plans to see this friend who
called me this morning and now I had no way of reaching her.
So in this fit
of rage I SLAMMED my phone on the floor in hopes that the light would turn back
on. (Writing this I am laughing hysterically because to only a lunatic would it
occur that slamming a phone onto the ground would somehow undo the damage that
has been done.)
So when that
didn’t work… I got up from bed.
I got up and got
dressed. I decided that I needed to go to the T-Mobile store, find wifi and get
my work done. Then I stopped myself in mid-lunacy and said WAIT!
“You must eliminate the idea of good and
evil as entities opposing each other and realize that there is but one Life
Principle. There is but one electric energy wherever it may be used, but one
creative Spirit wherever It is perceived, but one spiritual Power wherever It
is understood. Like the ethers of space, the creative Principle of Life is ever
present. Being everywhere present, It must be present in you. Hence it must be
available at the center of your being.” This Thing Called You
I needed to slow
down… I began to say to myself you have been using this busted phone for two
months without a problem up until TODAY! Today it decided to just stop working…
it just STOPPED!
Alicia, you are
being called to STOP! To stop working… to stop doing… to stop moving! So STOP!
“Your search is after something great
enough to lose your littleness in, something within you worthy of immortality
and external expansion.
It matters not if your transition from
the negative into the affirmative seems slow, if the ascent from your valley of
negation to the mountaintop of realization seems difficult. Each step will
bring you nearer the summit.” Ernest Holmes
So I stopped!
I am being called
to not rush out of the house today. I am being called to not do anything today.
I am being called to remember that it is not that serious. I am being called to
remember all the people in the world who are suffering and dealing with
tragedy, illness and loss. I am being called to hold them in prayer. I am being
called to remember my practice and to begin this day exactly as I am meant to.
In this moment I
am praying for Cuba and the Caribbean. And to all my family and friends who are
wondering why I am not responding to texts and calls… my phone has STOPPED me—email
is best!
And so it is~
Aché
I AFFIRM
Today I am reminded to begin each morning
and end each day in union and in communion.
I am reminded that in stillness I am made
whole.
Today I choose to see all mental obstructions
as the one Perfect Presence within me.
Today I will know that there are no
powers of evil and that discords have no power over me.
I have done nothing wrong.
All is in perfect order
All is well
“The creative Principle of Life is ever
present in me. Being everywhere present, It must be present in you. Hence it
must be available at the center of your being. Today I will know that this day
in which I live, this present time, which is now, is perfect.” Ernest Holmes
I come to YOU, as an empty vessel,
desiring fulfillment of Your way.
Today, I am being called to stop, clear
out, make room and listen.
Excerpt from
Finding Your Force
This time…
tu saliste y no volviste. Mari wanted to know why I chose to not return? Why
did I leave her? We were both sitting in a waiting room. She was waiting for me
and I was waiting for her to catch up with me and be the woman that I needed
and wanted at my side. I’ve been waiting for my life partner my entire life.
I’ve been waiting for my equal. I was waiting for her to see the greatness that
I see in her. I was waiting for her to create the future for us that I was
planning and walking towards alone. I was waiting for her to get there. I was
waiting for her to get it. I was waiting for her to have a revelation so that
we could start a revolution. She was waiting for me at the airport to make it
all better. She was always waiting for me. She was waiting for me to arrive,
rescue her and save the day. It was all-wrong. I wanted to take care of her. I
was not allowing her to take care of herself. We have to allow people to be
grown. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to be her shero. I wanted to provide
for her. I wanted to give her a life. I wanted forever with her.
We have to
allow people to be grown. When I step in and do it for her I take away the good
that is coming to her. When I am doing everything for her… what messages am I
sending her… that I really don’t respect her… that she’s not capable of doing
it on her own. This is where resentment is born. I didn’t want to resent her. I
wanted to get out while it was still beautiful and virgin like. Mari wanted a
superhero and I wanted my equal. She was waiting for me to save her because
that’s just what I do. I save people. But who’s here to save me? I’ve never
been saved. Well you came in and saved my life on more than one occasion. But
who throws me a life vest when I am drowning? As I write this I’m feeling a
little nauseous my stomach is doing flips. This feels uncomfortable… there’s
this tightness in my chest. I feel very present in this moment allowing myself
to go back and feel what I felt that day. I am feeling numbness in my arms and
I can barely feel my toes. The tightness in my chest is making it difficult to
get air. There’s heat rising from my rib cage. This hurts. She will never know
how deeply I love her. How this is destroying me.
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