Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Meditation 35: Readying Our Lives~ Day 18

Day 18 ~ 40 Days
Our words… this is what I am meditating on today. I am thinking about the weight of our words, the truth in our words, the things that we call forth with our words, how our words carry so much power and how words can leave residue for years to come.
Words carry so much power~
Before sitting down to write this morning I spent a few moments looking a picture on my desk top of me when I was around 7 or 8 years old around 1977. I did a zoom in to look at my eyes and really focused on my smile. In this photo I look so happy. My hair is really pretty and I am wearing a beautiful sky blue dress (color de Yemaya). I look like such a happy little girl.
Little Alicia, You CAN and WILL have everything you’ve dreamed of. This is what I want you to know today. Take my hand. I will not let go!

For little Alicia: “Do not be afraid. Your vision is true. Enter the tunnel and walk through. There is nothing solid in it. That which obstructs your passage is vapor, the vapor of unbelief. It is dense only with the denseness of doubt. It is filled with the thoughts of the ages. There is a lamp with you already lighted. As you walk through the tunnel the darkness will disappear because of this light. You will find that other half of yourself and you will discover that his tunnel is your own mind.
“It is done unto you as you believe.” ~ Thing Called You by Ernest Holmes
Back to the blog…
So I am smiling today because I am readying my life… I am readying my house for what is coming to me. I am so grateful. I am painting the entire house. Starting new. I am calling forth a brand new start. We are calling in some different energy this time around. It’s a new day!
I am readying my life for the abundance that is coming… for the abundance that has arrived. I am so grateful. In my prayer I called forth the arrival of so many people that I intend to meet on this journey. It was a vision that I had this morning… a POWERFUL VISION manifested by the WORDS that I affirmed this morning.
I had a vision of where my writing is headed and all that I was born to do. In this vision I saw all of the people who are being sent to help me. And for this I am so grateful.
In readying my life I am releasing the old story, the old words, the red and orange walls and replacing them with something different. The new colors are for the new words that I am feeding myself with… the new words that I will be writing… the stories that I will be completing. The new colors are for the words that I am filling myself and the world with.
I am creating a space that is conducive to my creativity and the gift I have been given that is writing… a gift that I understand from the moment I took pen to hand was never mine to begin with… this gift is to be shared.
In my prayers today I thought a lot about the WE—and how it’s never been about ME!
This is what I am meditating on today. That is not about I – but about WE – it’s about all of us… the human family. I am reading about Christ Consciousness and how it is so not about self-sacrifice and martyrdom. Its about doing good works…its about how we react to certain situations… and how we resolve certain issues… from a Spirit Consciousness—a Soul Consciousness. I am using SPIRIT WORDS! Loving words! Kind words! Transforming from the inside! Its about dealing with real life issues that we perceive to be horrible and transforming those experiences—learning how to call myself on it and replace the old words with spirit words—words from my Soul.
I am in this amazing class called “Living the Infinite Way” offered by Greg Stamper of Expansion Church and we are using Joel S. Goldsmiths, The Infinite Way~ one of the things I read today was around this idea of THE SOUL:
“THE SOUL is a part of man which is little known and only seldom realized. Only those in the depths of some deep sorrow break through the mist of material sense to the recesses of their inmost being, where they discover the Soul, or Reality, of being.” The Infinite Way~
Today I will remember:
“That there is a Soul-force we know, but that this Soul-power can do more for us that all the material and mental powers combined is but little suspected. Perhaps one reason for the world’s lack of interest in this vast subject is that this great reservoir of power resident in our Soul cannot be used for selfish purposes.” ~ The Infinite Way
As I begin this day I understand that every opportunity and experience is a way for me to apply all I’ve learned. I am Living everyday with more of a Spirit Consciousness~
Today, I give up all efforts and desires to go after, achieve or accomplish anything and I am aligned with the knowing that my Soul and Spirit only desires to fulfill my destiny on earth!
Today, I tap into the powers of the soul… and as I tap into this Soul-power I am experiencing *at-one-ment with the creator—knowing that I am ONE with the universe.
Today, I stand in the truth and live my life knowing that ALL that I have is for you!
It is from a place of Love and Spirit/Soul Consciousness that I reside! It is from this place that I receive! It is from this place that I give!
And so it is~
*At-one-ment, The Infinite Way~

My intention for that day was to surrender. I kept saying my intention to myself over and over again until I believed it.  Through the tears - - I surrender. Through the anger - - I surrender. Through the rage - - I surrender. Through the hateful thoughts - - I surrender. My intention was to surrender and continue walking in love.

She wrote in her email:

"I can't see when the words I used bring tears to your eyes or cause your fists to come together."

She wanted to know how her words affected me. As soon as I received the email in my inbox I felt it internally before even opening it. I didn’t want to read it because I could feel that it didn’t come from a loving place. It was filled with so much hatred and anger. I read the first two lines and stopped immediately.

You want to know what your words did to me:

I was down for the count. The words felt like daggers aimed at my heart, mind and spirit. Fortunately, my heart will heal and my spirit remained untouched. But you’re sphere hit its target… it went right through my chest… entered my heart and exited through my back. I looked like an abused child curled up in a ball in my bed. I asked Courtney to finish reading the words that were sent to me because I did not want to read them for myself. I was afraid - - afraid of what was to come. It took me right back to the days I was beat as a child. I felt like wounded animal. I felt every word. Your words hurt me, I cried, I got angry, and was full of rage. A few times I caught myself getting stuck on a statement wanting to retaliate. I had direct quotes imprinted in my brain that I wanted to come back to later to address. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to destroy you an eye for an eye.

So I affirmed… I surrender. I lifted the white flag… and surrendered...

I kept repeating I SURRENDER as I read your words. I felt directly attacked and intentionally assaulted! I surrender! I call forth my strength and move forward. I surrender! Wherever I am, that's where my force is. I surrender! I breathe slowly, I release you and I surrender!

Words stay with us. The words that take the longest to heal are the ones that don’t come from love. When you grow up in a house that’s filled with anger, yelling, tension, anxiety and stress it can be hard to heal in that environment. You’re left with an overwhelming feeling of frustration, unhappiness, sadness and limiting thoughts. Surrounded by people fighting for respect but never giving it. In this kind of environment it can be hard to expand and grow. When you’re surrounded by darkness and pain these kinds of relationships can be emotionally draining and abusive. The effects of this kind of upbringing can be difficult to release.

Certain moments in my life when I’ve been surrounded by yelling, lack of individual acceptance and respect for one another views, thoughts and beliefs, remind me often how I allowed darkness to be my most dominant emotion. I always believed I was right. I never cared what other people thought. I never listened. So when I’m around people who are not using loving words this feels familiar to me… it feels like home. These moments are like returning to a past so painful… so hurtful… so dark.

I have spent many years trying to find new words to help me heal which makes it difficult for me to be around people like that. I am a lot more sensitive to it. During meditation I was thinking about the words I use to affirm myself daily. You and I use beautiful words towards each other. We feed each other. Our relationship is truly amazing. We affirm one another constantly. We lift each other. We love each other. We point out each other’s flaws but we acknowledge our strengths. We make each other feel good. Sometimes we can be a little conceited but it’s all in fun like when we were in Providence on Thayer Street at Au bon pain. I was writing my blog and you were sitting across from me reading a book called, A Separate Peace. Out of nowhere I said, man I love myself. You just looked at me and smiled and went right back to reading. You got it. You understood what I was doing.

In the book, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, by Iyanla Vanzant, there is a Maya Angelou quote about the power of words; WORDS are like little energy pellets that shoot forth into the invisible realm of life. Although we cannot see the words, she said, words become the energy that fills the room, home, environment and our minds. Maya described how words stick to the walls, the furniture, the curtains and our clothing. She believes that the words in our environment seep into our being and become a part of who we are. I agree. I know how the words of my past have formed the woman I am today.

I speak words of truth, love and every good thing I desire to experience.
I am a divine reflection of universal love!
I am whole and complete! I am unlimited and abundant - - my life is so good!
I am joy in motion and my words are gifts.
I am all that I am, and life is graced by my presence.
The truth of who I am cannot be altered or changed.
The way I treat myself determines how others will treat me. ~ Finding Your Force ~


Part 1: Women Writing the World ~ Writing Workshop – FREE WORKSHOP ~ 10/28/12 6pm-8pm
Part 2: Writing with Intention ~ 6 classes on Nov. 11, 18, 25 and Dec. 2, 9, 16

Women Writing the World~

See you on Sunday, October 28, 2012

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