Sunday, October 28, 2012

Meditation 54: Accepting Love ~ Day 37

This morning I woke up thinking about a Spirit Sister who will be running the New York City Marathon next weekend. The preparation and training required can be grueling. I am imagining all that it must have taken her to get to this moment.
A belief in Spirit and a deep belief her Self… the kind of belief that knows that she will make it to finish line. And this incredible sense of achievement that will come as she arrives.
Pure Joy
A dream-come true
Personal legends fulfilled
Yemaya spoke to me through her in my dream… “Yemaya and me…” that’s what Yolanda said to me in the dream.
Always the writer… I said to myself, “Wow! What a beautiful title for the children’s book I will one day write, Yemaya and Me! And it will be about this wonderful journey they will go on together and all the lessons Yemaya will teach.”
“I surrender myself to the rain. There’s more lightening, but my feeling of helplessness is being replaced by something positive, as if my soul were gradually being washed clean by the water of forgiveness.” Aleph, by Paulo Coelho
Yemaya, Mother, who lives in the ocean… Yemaya is the vastness of the ocean…the calm before the storm… the tsunami when we aren’t ready… she is strength, purity, beauty, power, LOVE, protector of my daughter and our home. One of her daughter’s, Yolanda, has embarked on a wonderful journey. Running a marathon is not a small thing… it is HUGE! She is huge and Yemaya came to tell me that she would be running alongside her.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love:
He said,
I DARE you to use all you are
to attend to your work everyday
in a very specific manner
to set goals
to rise above the circle you are currently living inside of
because there are greater things for you

My body hurt, my neck was sore and my eyes were having trouble focusing. I don’t think I’ve ever pushed myself this hard. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything so badly. I needed to push myself beyond the limits I place on myself.

I was pushing myself until it hurts.
I pushed myself while on the brink of tears.
I couldn’t stop.
I wouldn’t stop

I needed to push past my perception of what I can take and release those self-defeating thoughts about whether I have what it takes. I know for myself that I do have what it takes… I AM all that it takes!

What I learned was that I could take so much more. I will push harder; move faster I will surpass the exhaustion. It took every ounce of energy from my body, mind, spirit and soul to get to the end. When you push yourself you truly see what you are made of. The things I believed were unattainable are in the past. Those thoughts no longer serve me. I wanted to thank him for pushing me. In those final hours I could feel his spirit and energy all around me. I felt him next to me. He was lifting me. He was rubbing my back. He was telling me that I could do this. I wanted to remember that moment. I wanted to acknowledge the fact that I was in so much pain and wanted to turn off everything—but I did not. I kept moving. I pushed even harder. When I finished editing the last monologue and arrived to the last lines of my first play I immediately wrote him an email… MET MY DEADLINE, KEPT MY PROMISE… I WAS BORN~

“I can’t do it!” is no longer in my vocabulary… it’s replaced by:


“I’m tired!” is replaced with:

There is NO time to be tired!
MEET your deadlines!
DO what you set out to do!
Do what you say you’re going to do!

“I am exhausted!” turns into:
I still have a little bit more…

What about the housework, the errands, the dishes that have been in the sink for two days after working 12-hour days? All excuses I’ve made to stop my momentum and procrastinate. Just FINISH IT… Finish what I set out to do. Finish what I start. The dishes will still be there tomorrow. The only thing we need to practice is perseverance, tenacity, determination, never quitting, working harder, commitment, effort, motivation, drive, achievement, goal setting, have a team, constant movement, work, endure, attitude, inspire, courage, ambition and challenge. FAITH, LOVE and GRATITUDE!!!

It takes great courage to wake up everyday and go after what you want. It takes endurance to be able to take whatever comes your way and still have the strength to move forward even when you’re kicked down. Know that anything worth having requires hard work and many moments of working hard for what you want! I have been non-stop and I am not stopping. I am pushing myself harder than I ever have and this pain feels good. An incredible amount of commitment is necessary. Without it we’re just fooling ourselves. We have to believe we can achieve a certain goal. It took everything that I was made of and all that I didn’t know I had. That moment was pure exhilaration. I finished it. I got to the end of it.  I needed to remember why I do this. Why it is I want this. I needed to call up everything from my arsenal of truth. What made me want to write? Why I MUST write?

You made me write. You made me a great writer. The first time I even thought about writing something it was for you. This journey has always been about giving you a gift. It’s about leaving you with something to repay you for everything you’ve given me. I wanted my words to be with you always. I write because I can’t imagine myself not writing. Writing is my voice. I don’t need to search for it because it is already here. ~ Finding Your Force is available on Amazon~

Then I got up, got dressed and decided that it was time for me to step back into the world. After having a wonderful weekend with family, it was time to be with my Spiritual family. I arrived to Expansion Church late, they were just concluding the silent meditation and when I walked in Greg Stamper was leading the choir in the next song… when he started singing something happened, when “The Light” started singing the transformation was immediate… I felt the words in every cell of my body… “Lord, I’m amazed by you… how great is your love for me… how wide… how deep… how great… is your love for me!”
This beautiful love song in gratitude to Spirit for the GREATEST LOVE I’ve ever known.
Then our Minister, Rodney McKenzie said, “Accept how loved we are… we don’t have to give or do to be loved… we already are.”
I am already loved… my search is over.
“Bring your hopes and aspirations to the Divine Center within you, lay them on the altar of your faith in complete confidence.” This Thing Called You
“Yes, it’s difficult to talk to your heart, and perhaps it isn’t even necessary. We simply have to trust and follow the signs and live our Personal Legend; sooner or later, we will realize that we are all part of something, even if we can’t understand rationally what that something is. They say that the second before our death, each of us understands the real reason for our existence, and out of that moment, Heaven or Hell is born. Hell is when we look back during that fraction of a second and know that we wasted an opportunity to dignify the miracle of life. Paradise is being able to say at that moment: “I made some mistakes, but I wasn’t a coward. I lived my life and did what I had to do.” ~ Aleph
Yolanda is running in honor of her grandmothers and I am donating in honor of my grandmother who lost her battle with cancer... Congratulations my beloved Yolanda!

Today, I will know that every moment in my life I am doing what I need to do.
Today, I will know that when I am lost, confused or scared I know where to turn.
Today, I will know that I will make it to the finish line… every time.
Today, I will know for you that all that Spirit is preparing for me, Spirit is preparing for you.
Today, I know that you and I are one… your win is my win! My win is your win! 
Today, I honor you Yolanda, I honor the God in YOU! I AM cheering you on!
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

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