Monday, October 29, 2012

Meditation 55: Forgetting who you are… loneliness on the Journey ~ Day 38

“Learn to be at home in the universe. No more loneliness. No more sense of isolation…”
“Later on, I’ll tell you about the conversation I had a month ago with J. What matters now, though, is that this is precisely what has been happening to me: I’ve invested work, time, and effort; I tried to encourage my personal growth with love and dedication, but nothing happened for years.” “What do you mean ‘nothing happened’? have you forgotten who you are?” ~ Aleph
“That I need strangers like that,” I explain. “My roots are ready, but I’ll manage to grow only with the help of others. Not just you or J. or my wife but people I’ve never met. I’m sure of that.” ~ Aleph
Can you hear that?
Open your windows… all of them… the bedroom windows, the living room windows, the bathroom and hallway.
As I woke up this morning I decided to open every window in the house. There were no cars on the street. No people moving. No hustle. No bustle. All I heard was the wind.
Just the wind chanting… it was swooshing…loud… whistling… it was moving in the form of a song. The Goddess of Wind was echoing throughout my house. I asked her for renewal, to remove from my path those things that do not serve me, to renew my space, to blow through my house in the far reaches of every corner, under every doorway, cleansing every item and piece of furniture in my space. In renewing my space, I am calling forth Oya to bring me the greatest blessings. I am growing through some changes in my life right now and it is time my outside world match my insides… this is the final stage of my WHOLENESS… this is a moment of renewal… a moment of rebirth. Life is constant transformation and this renewal is swift.
During meditation the words that came up for me were…
Feeling alone
The journey
People you meet on the journey
Order and control
“If I believe I will win, then victory will believe in me. No life is complete without a touch of madness, or, to use J.’s words, what I need to do is to re-conquer my kingdom. If I can understand what’s going on in the world, I can understand what’s going on inside myself.” ~ Aleph
Re-conquering my kingdom… this is what I am doing. Its not about the paint on the walls or the new furniture in my space. The kingdom that I am re-conquering is where truth lives, is where love lives, is where understanding lives, is where I LIVE. This renewal... this moment in my life is one of the most magnificent moments that I am experiencing... living... I am filled with peace and love... so many wonderful blessings surround me. ALL IS WELL!!!
“Am I doing what I need to do to make the Chinese bamboo grow? I’ve been to six countries, met my readers, had fun, temporarily driven away the depression that was threatening to engulf me, but something tells me that I still haven’t reconquered my kingdom.”  ~ Aleph
What I love about what Paulo Coelho is saying here has so much to do with everything that surrounds us, people, places, things… I know for me over the past ten years there has been tremendous growth and change… evolution… unfolding… battles with depression and huge successes and achievements. My spiritual practice has gotten so much stronger!  I have gotten so much stronger.
For the most part a lot of my spiritual practice is done alone… in private – I have never really included anyone in my process/practice. It’s always been a moment for me.. alone time. But as I continue learning, unfolding, and expanding I am coming to understand that ALL the good that I am receiving is even greater once it is shared.
Excerpt from Finding Your Force A Journey to Love~
I feel you flying
twisting in the wind
you are a juggler
a magician on point
you are the homeland
you are the ultimate
but you are a carrier
you do the heavy lifting all the time
and so you know how to breathe
in and out
so you can hear yourself
because therein lies your truth
and you need to remember that
that you are perfect
you are exactly where you need to be
that everything is falling into place
in precisely the way things need to float down
so take a minute to slow it all down
right now
just for a few minutes
and watch is all fall like feathers
and now the feathers turn into butterflies
like beautiful
just like you
flying around
cascading luminous colors
you are centered now
you are focused
you are clear
you are in the pit of my stomach
the center of my universe
you make my heart beat
you are home now
take a deep breath
let it out slowly
you are HOME
now spread your wings again.....
and FLY~
I love you

In the  Alchemist, Paulo Coelho writes that  there will be a point where we will want to give up on following our personal legend. There will be a point where it will be incredibly grueling, difficult, painful, unbearable and just plain HARD. These are the moments where we must believe. It  is hard work and at that the exact moment when it hurts you must press on. You’ve got two choices. Do what you’ve always done and get the same results or take a risk and say screw it! I’m going try it anyway and actually DO something NEW, something different and go for it. We get so used to doing what feels SAFE. We do what’s familiar. We do what we know. We do what people are used to us doing. We do the same thing everyday. When we do this we miss an important lesson. We miss out on NEWNESS of EVERY—DAY.

I am allowing my life to UNFOLD into what IT will become and not what I force it to become.

The greatest understanding and gain for me, is that I know exactly what I came here to do. I feel myself changing. Today I started to think about my life and all the ways I’ve changed in the past 40 years. I went back to the days where I constantly needed to  see proof that change was happening. In my past I believed that I needed validation and recognition for the changes that were happening in me. I was always looking and desperately searching for  that someone to come enter my life and tell me how proud  they were of me. But today I feel different. I am different person. I  could spend my life resenting the people who fed me words that poisoned me trying to prove to them who I AM. Or I can simply just be me and not worry about them. I am no longer waiting for those people to tell me  they SEE ME ~ Finding Your Force A Journey to Love available on Amazon.

So I started to thinking about the people I have met on this journey - - people who have come and gone, people who have stayed. But really what I am thinking about is ALL that I have gained, learned and how important each person I have ever met is in my life story. Every person I have met is significant on my journey. There are important lessons for me to be found in everyone I meet.
Today, I am being called to see them in me… and me in them.
Today, I am being called to see ME!
“Your union with God implies your union with everything that lives.” ~ Ernest Holmes
“Learn to be at home in the universe. No more loneliness. No more sense of isolation. See God in everyone—the same God with a different face, the same animating Principle with a different form, the same Divine Presence clothed in individual expression.” This Thing Called You.
Today, I see honor the God in YOU!
Today, I thank you Spirit for the winds of change that I am experiencing... 
Today, I am so grateful for every experience and person in my life.
And so it is~

© Copyrighted Alicia Anabel Santos 2012

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